What are your respective asset/debt situations?
If they are the same, why aren't you simply splitting all shared expenses equally?
Rent/utilities/food. That should all be 50-50 given your equal incomes.
This is the worst type of sexism.
And I have news for you. If that is a deal breaker for her, this is a toxic marriage. A woman who loves you won't divorce over sharing the bills.
She's going to fight you like a tiger on this. And it will have nothing to do with logic or reason or fairness. It will solely be a power struggle. An attempt to intimidate you. Which she already has otherwise this situation wouldn't exist at all.
Until this gets resolved - stop going on dates and minimize your shared expenses.
If you don't resolve this, she won't respect you. And without respect a happy marriage is impossible.
This is my first time here. My wife and I just celebrated our first anniversary last week. We enjoy a fairly healthy marriage with no major issues so far.
But one thing that has been a source of huge concern, pretty much only for me, is our financial situation. I can see it affecting me a lot and I want to resolve this situation before it really poisons my mind and thoughts.
My wife and I are both employed and are successful in our respective jobs and earn pretty much the same salary. After marriage, we never really talked about how to handle our household finances etc. I was for merging our accounts, while she wasn't, but I never really made a big deal out of it.
The result is a situation where I am essentially covering >95% of household expenses (from rent, to insurance, to groceries, utilities, restaurants) while she covers a couple of utilities (electricity and the phone bill). And given where we currently reside (an expensive county), I pretty much taken nothing home as a result! Even our vacation spending pretty much comes out of my pocket.
As awkward as it was for me, I brought this up for discussion with my wife and voiced my concerns of how I was basically not making any money. That conversation did not go that well and my wife ended up labeling me "cheap" for even bringing it up. She reluctantly agreed to transfer money to me monthly. It was an extremely unpleasant experience for me and I hated having that conversation. That money transfer has not really happened and I really don't want to bring that up again with my wife. I feel bad as it is.
Its not the money that bothers me, but the fact that even though we are equal earners, my wife makes absolutely no effort to contribute to our household expenditure. Although she is perfectly aware that I am solely responsible for all our expenses, she seems perfectly fine with it.
It is driving me against the wall and at some level, beginning to affect my relationship with my wife.
Am I really being "cheap" here? After all, we are family now.
I wanted to reach out to this wonderful community and get some advice on if my situation is a perfectly normal one and if I am the one who is over-reacting.
I am not really sure what I should be doing.
Would appreciate any advice.