Originally Posted by NewBoundariesMan View Post
I have actually explicitly told her I'll pay for X because I want you to hit that savings goal.
I'm at my wits end. I am grasping at straws with this 7/8th thing but what do you suggest?
I completely agree with your be the man comment. But shouldn't a man teach responsibility and accountability?
I want her to be accountable and appreciate my support more by hitting her savings goal.
But instead It's expense after expense after expense and when ever I put my foot down it's an argument about how cheap I am.
It's just a different viewpoint. I'm not saying that you're wrong. I think financial responsibility is great. But you and your wife appear to be mismatched in that your financial goals are different. She doesn't care about your savings goal for her income. She doesn't care about your 7/8 rule. She likes thinks that is silly, stingy, and unattractive. She likely sees her salary as a way to contribute enough that she doesn't feel completely imprisoned by your control over the financial picture. In her mind (and this isn't her necessarily, but just a generalization), not setting back the tax money is a minor thing considering your much higher income.
A lot of women value being provided for, even when they are capable of being independent and bringing home bank. Those women find this attractive: generosity and financial support from their mate. So, even when women have a high earning potential, they like a man to provide to the best of his ability. A lot of men take pleasure in providing for their family. I don't know if it goes back to evolutionary terms of bringing home the kill, but that's our modern equivalent.
And then there's the issue of what's mine is yours and vice versa. You treat her like a child, a dependent that you're trying to train to adult. If you take the mindset that this is a pooled income, it really doesn't matter. You're acting like taking money to pay her back taxes is somehow killing your goals, your budget, etc. It looks really selfish and self serving.
How did her parents handle their finances? That might give you some perspective. To answer your question - how can you teach her accountability and responsibility? She's not your student. She's your partner. You can influence her only and express your boundaries and the consequences of her breaching your boundaries. What are they, exactly, and what are you willing to do?
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