Feeling financially used by wife. - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

 84Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 01:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 265
Feeling financially used by wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
OP listed this:



Disclaimer: it's not all bad.

She wakes up every morning to cook my lunch and make me a vegetable smoothie.

She cleans like a beast.

She compliments me regularly: you're smart, I'm proud of you, etc.

Sex is great and she regularly initiates and accepts my initiations.




You read the book. He is getting his Love Languages met.

Words of Admiration

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

When I think of physical touch I don't think of scars from her cat clawing the living **** out of me during a blackout drunk. But hey, different strokes.

Spoken like a true enabling abuse victim. If it was a woman everyone would be all over it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

rich84 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 09:07 PM
Member
 
happy as a clam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,435
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rich84 View Post
When I think of physical touch I don't think of scars from her cat clawing the living **** out of me during a blackout drunk. But hey, different strokes.

Spoken like a true enabling abuse victim. If it was a woman everyone would be all over it.


After reading OP's other thread, it is evident that taxes, grocery money, and new shoes are the least of his problems.
Posted via Mobile Device

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
happy as a clam is offline  
post #63 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 09:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,180
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Look. Either tell her to get a job that pays better and takes out taxes like their supposed to or have her quit her job.
6301 is offline  
 
post #64 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 09:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,884
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

No, he needs to swallow his pride and leave this abusive woman.
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #65 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 11:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 31
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Yes! I am in a similar situation except I only make 30% more than spouse. But it is very important to me to keep finances separate as I have kids from a previous marriage, and I don't need to partially support a 50 year old spouse with $ that could go towards my children. (Note: my spouse has a history of being irresponsible with money)..

So from day #1 I **Always** file "Married filing separately. It works great for me! YES I am more heavily taxed by filing "Separately". But I don't care - I never have to be responsible for another adults taxes, especially an adult who has been irresponsible (he even called my mom 6 months into our marriage to ask to borrow $ from her)

If you let her know at some point you will be filing separately, if she complains you can nicely say "well honey, I need to (save for retirement/save for home repairs, exc.)....we both filed separately before we got married.....if your wife were to continue more, just nicely say "honey, just make sure you get a good accountant and you probably won't owe that much" Just be blasé

And yes -- about asking her to pay 1/7th of the bills -- that is totally fair. If she balks or asks why, say something like "Well I want things to be fair" or "I've got kids to save for/medical bills to pay/retirement to save for" exc exc

Good luck!!!!
sally40 is offline  
post #66 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 11:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 31
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Fascinating lady - sure the wife pays for her car, but he likely pays for his car, and what about GROCERIES, the water bill property taxes, lawn care/lawnmower, gifts for family at Christmas, health insurance --- I'm surprised you are impressed she pays for her car and you don't mention who pays for groceries/eating out/rent/mortgage?
sally40 is offline  
post #67 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 11:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 31
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

You are totally correct original poster. The folks here saying "Don't mention she bought $150 shoes, you'll sound cheapskate" are out of line. No one pays my taxes -- no one pays my sisters taxes -- no one pays my brother in law's taxes -- so you are correct -- why should your wife "stick you" with her big tax bill yet have money to buy nice shoes.

I think the other responses are out of line. Based on your original post, it seems you may pay for all groceries, health care, rent/mortgage, upkeep of the home, the yard, property taxes, the water bill exc. She should not buy shoes while sticking you with basics like groceries
sally40 is offline  
post #68 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 11:58 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 31
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Kag you are saying the original poster should "adjust their tax withholdings to reflect your combined tax bill" so he won't owe $2,000 in taxes next year? That means he's paying all of her taxes. Why should a grown woman have a man paying all of her taxes for he? She's not a child living under her parents roof

Everyone here is saying $155 is not a lot for shoes - would you feel that way if you were footing a $3,000, $4,000 tax shortage due to a spouse making NO quarterly tax payments? Where I come from, you pay your taxes and THEN if money is left over, THEN you can buy a $155 pair of shoes.
sally40 is offline  
post #69 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 12:10 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 31
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

I respectfully disagree -- you said the OP is "treating his wife like a child". Well no offense, but she is being a mooch to just expect him to pay for *all* her taxes every year. She is *acting* like a child.

I can't imagine being over the age of 18 and working full time and just "expecting" my spouse to pay all of my income tax. That is being a user. I don't think the OP's full concern is the actual money - he may simply be tired of being used.

For his wife to expect her husband to pay all of her income tax, regardless of whether he earns a lot more than her - is like a 1950's way of thinking on the wife's part
sally40 is offline  
post #70 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

@sally40

Quote:
Originally Posted by sally40 View Post
Where I come from, you pay your taxes and THEN if money is left over, THEN you can buy a $155 pair of shoes.
Thanks for your comments and especially for the above.
I am going to handle the original problem like I said above but it's nice to hear some support.

NewBoundariesMan is offline  
post #71 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 03:31 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,186
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Is she still drinking?
turnera is offline  
post #72 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:32 AM
Member
 
C3156's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 421
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

@NewBoundariesMan

I feel you with respect to your original question. My wife is the same way in that I seem to pick up all the major costs - taxes, housing, ect. She also has not adjusted her W-4 to increase her tax withholdings. Costs us almost $2000 extra this year due to her under contributing. She would much rather get to spend the money than "give it to Uncle Sam."

I get it. The problem is your wife, she doesn't get it or doesn't care with regards to money. You can't change that, only she can.

I pretty much stopped paying for anything with regards to my wife (I'm so horrible) and I take care of the rest of things. She makes $60K+, so she can handle it before anyone jumps on me. And she has a PhD, so she is not stupid. She finally saw how much stuff was costing and came up with a budget for herself. We may finally get to that combined budget that I have been trying to get her to see for a while now after all...

I hear you. All these folks who say you should pay for everything are full of it. Everyone needs to be able to pay their fair share, doesn't matter how much you make.
C3156 is offline  
post #73 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 05:47 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

@turnera
She has a glass of wine when we eat out if we agree before hand. That's her limit. No alcohol in the house.

@C3156
Thanks. Your wife ever guilt trip you about it though?

My big deal lately has been the groceries. $800 last month $760 this month for 2 people. Seems like a lot to me but the real problem is she then wants to go out to eat about 3 times a week because she's too tired to cook. I understand she's tired but that adds up quick. I told her next month the only way we go out to eat is if she's paying or buy some groceries that we just heat up. She hates this last option as she needs everything freshly cooked where as I can eat cereal for dinner.
Disclaimer: I am a horrible cook while she was on her way to becoming a chef.
NewBoundariesMan is offline  
post #74 of 84 (permalink) Old 03-31-2016, 10:39 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,186
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

So why don't you just be the man of the house and put your foot down? That's what women want. In the right way, of course.
turnera is offline  
post #75 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2016, 05:02 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 4,189
Re: Feeling financially used by wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewBoundariesMan View Post
Let me summarize my frustration:

My employer takes out taxes. I was short about 2k this year so I have to pay that.

My wife doesn't pay taxes during the year. Her bill this year is about 5k.

According to our 1/8th her 7/8th me rule, I now have to pay about 6k and she pays about 1k.

Why? because she chose not to set aside money during the year for taxes. Hence the title of the thread.

Am I off by thinking this is not fair?
If not how to hold her accountable?
I have heard of people working on contract / freelance. They are paid gross but no one tells them when or how to pay some portion towards tax to avoid surprises and penalties.

Even my father did this to me. He asked me to do some work for him but despite his own accountant, he did not bother tell me how to handle the payment. Another accountant had to tell me that I owed a penalty for not paying sooner. The amount that I had earned did not seem like that much money.

I think it's unfair.

OP, it sounds to me that you and your wife should do tax planning on a yearly basis.

I remember seeing a text message from my husband's special friend (before he met me). She was moaning because she owed the IRS $6K. Apparently, while she had a social working position with a major city, they didn't bother with putting her on payroll.
NextTimeAround is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Long, but please read, im so lost JCI20 General Relationship Discussion 15 05-31-2016 12:49 AM
Wife dropped a small bomb on me last night breathedeep General Relationship Discussion 623 04-02-2016 04:51 PM
Wife Denies Marriage problems even after caught sexting- bit of clarity? CHGUY Coping with Infidelity 30 02-02-2016 11:45 AM
I need help getting my wife to move past my cheating kylo Coping with Infidelity 32 01-12-2016 04:18 AM
What to do? Ray83 Sex in Marriage 32 12-31-2015 09:44 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome