Ok so I asked her if we could go see a doctor for her anxiety and depression issues and an endocrinologist for her health issues. No was the answer. For her depression she "is taking all the right supplements to get her levels on track" and "seeing our therapist" for it. An endocrinologist can't tell her anything hat her naturopath hasn't already told her. She said she needs "us" to be better for her depression which I do agree with. But this looks like it's not gonna be easy to convince her to see some doctors.
I found a very affordable house in the ski area I like which is still not an unrealistic drive from my current job. While it's not horse property at least , unlike a condo, she can still have her Chickens and garden and indoor pets so not a complete shock to her world? She definitely wants to love away from the city. I kinda just want to go for it but afraid of the backlash.
Here's the thing, you've been taught to cater to your woman. Many men on this board are this way and many women give advice based on this antiquated belief. Marriage is about love, but it is also a partnership. When one of you is not pulling their weight, the other may need to step up and take control. Yes, even if it means putting the wife or husband in their place. Backlash? Are you seriously this ignorant of her manipulation? You do not sound like a mutually working couple. My wife is sick and the only reason she was diagnosed is I MADE HER GO. I got tired of her complaining, took her to the doctor and said here's the problem" and walked out. No, she doesn't have clinical depression.
See, depression is awful and a sickness, but IT DOESN'T trump everything. You can still cheat, lie murder, MANIPULATE, work, raise, kids, have sex and love while depressed. It's sad because when someone has a mental condition or a sickness everyone piles on the caretaker. No, you weren't being selfish when your wife, who wants to work less and is depressed, suddenly starts pressuring and manipulating you into buying a horse. I'd have said the same thing AFTER all of the history you've been relating. It's OBVIOUS you refuse to put your foot down. She refuses to try any other alternatives, but YOU are the selfish one when you point out she can't raise a horse with these problems. SHE is the selfish one for not seeking the proper help and manipulating the situation to her benefit.
So, she asks for things, talks about her sickness and throws all the problems back in your lap. You then do EVERYTHING to please her and now there is resentment on both sides. She depressed so, you need to be a better husband. Yet, you try to please her and you are the selfish guy because you want her to see a medical doctor. You keep accepting this garbage one of you is going to do something you'll both regret.