He's a law professor, so he's not making as much as a lot of private attorneys. I think it's still plenty, tho, around 125,000 I believe. But he lives way beyond his means. And he's also taken the other woman to Cancun, London, and Paris in the last year. And he's just not good w money. He's actually had utilities shut off at his place for days at a time and while the kids were there. But during that same time period the kids bring their lunch boxes home to my place and they've got Starbucks sandwiches in there. I seem to be able to live comfortably enough on less.
I'm having a hard time making myself enforce the court order. It says in there that he's supposed to have my $ direct deposited and I think it'd be s fairly simple process to enforce that. But I feel like he's really gonna be screwed if I do it. I probably need to, though, or at this rate we'll both lose the roofs over our heads.
I do understand about the taxes and penalties. It totally sucks, but I'm really getting scared that I won't have a place to live otherwise. My lease is up in July and I've run thru my emergency fund. Rent was three days late beyond the grace period last month and eviction proceedings were started. I know they can't really evict me that easily, but if my rent is late for may and June, I feel like they're not going to want to let me sign in again. I think the 401k is going to have to keep me from becoming homeless.
He told me that he cannot cash out any money from the account but that he can take a loan from it. So last month I told him what I needed to cover (2 months of unpaid utilities, car registration 2 mos late so penalties there, rent, both credit cards a month behind, oil and insurance for my car) and he decided that he couldn't give me what I asked for and only took out 2000. I had to pay 1635 just for the rent and use the remaining 365 for gas, food, an unexpected but necessary car repair, so none of that other stuff has been dealt with. I think he's just not dealing w the reality. I know it would hurt him to take out a bigger loan, but not doing it is going to totally sink us.
Ugh. Sorry for the vent!
Part of the problem is that emotionally I am having a really hard time w the idea of legal action. I'm hoping I can just hire someone to come in and turn that 401k into usable money for me.
See what I bolded above... and brace for a little tough love. (And all of this is said with your best interest at heart.)
If he's screwed, THAT'S NOT YOUR FVCKING PROBLEM
All the bullsh!t behavior on his part, which you've outlined above, is done to control you and keep you dependent on him. Why? Because he's a jackass. He took the POSOW on fancy vacations instead of paying his CS? This is not a man who is deserving of your sympathy. He gave you just enough money, which he "borrowed" against his 401k (frankly, I am skeptical that is where the money came from), to help pay for stuff to keep you grateful and off his back about the CS, but not enough money that you're in the clear until your new job pays out, just so that he can keep you on the hook. He knows that you will have to come to him for money again, and that's the way he wants it. If you are dependent on him financially, he has all the power and you have none. This is a man who would rather destroy you financially than take care of his kids. This has nothing to do with, "He's just not good with money" or living beyond his means. This is a case of a man who wants to continue to play puppeteer and control your strings, rather than just pay up. And if he's living beyond his means, it's time for him to grow up.
There are 2 things that you need to do:
1. Get your lawyer to send the necessary paperwork to the company holding the 401k, and get that sh!t switched over right now. There's no reason this should take so long. Your XH is smart enough to figure it out, he's just playing dumb as a passive-aggressive tactic to control you and get you to do all the work. (My XH pulled this sh!t with me all the time.)
2. Get the CS direct deposit order enforced. I don't know what that would take, but the courts can garnish his wages if they need to. They will probably have to. This man isn't going to give you anything willingly. He can learn to live within his new means after the wage garnishment.
Don't cash out that 401k unless you absolutely, absolutely have to. Don't miss the forest for the trees--that's the beginning of your nest egg for when you retire. It doesn't seem like taking out a little right now will matter much, but it will make a big difference in the value amount when you retire.
Stop letting him get away with this bullsh!t! He's doing this because you're letting him.