financial thoughts - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-06-2016, 12:11 PM Thread Starter
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financial thoughts

I am having some issues with my current job position. The wife makes more than I do, but I have child support and a garnishment taken out of my paycheck. Not to mention that I work as a contractor and only make so much per piece. I do not like my current job and keep looking and applying for something more stable in pay per hour than by the piece type of work. This has brought many different comments from the wife about her having to use her whole check to pay for a lot of the bills.
Since this is the last month in our apt, we are moving to lower rent and able to pay off more bills faster than now. I sometimes feel inferior or low, like a beaten dog each time the rent or some other bill was paid. I try to explain to her that we could cut some bills down, but I get kickback about trying to lower bills that can be cheaper in a different way.
I know I am not the greatest in paying bills on time, but since our marriage I feel that I can't pay anything correctly because if I'm late or not doing it like she wants me to do it, I get the speech about being careless or comments on how she has no money.
I have seen other posts about this and I know I should try and talk to her about it, but sometimes it's hard when dealing with someone who tends to control the conversations and makes me feel bad and like an idiot. Just trying to avoid the swipe speech. I don't use any of the debit cards anymore, without asking since if I was to make any decision about paying a bill without knowing how she has payment arrangements made, gets me in hot water.
looking for some suggestions besides counseling to address this.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-06-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: financial thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by coreoutdoors View Post
I do not like my current job and keep looking and applying for something more stable in pay per hour than by the piece type of work. This has brought many different comments from the wife about her having to use her whole check to pay for a lot of the bills.

That's a legitimate concern. Have you discussed with her that trading some of your income for stability would make it easier to budget?

Since this is the last month in our apt, we are moving to lower rent and able to pay off more bills faster than now.

That's a wise choice. Always live within your means.

I sometimes feel inferior or low, like a beaten dog each time the rent or some other bill was paid. I try to explain to her that we could cut some bills down, but I get kickback about trying to lower bills that can be cheaper in a different way.

I'm not understanding this.

I know I am not the greatest in paying bills on time, but since our marriage I feel that I can't pay anything correctly because if I'm late or not doing it like she wants me to do it, I get the speech about being careless or comments on how she has no money.

Sounds like she is more financially responsible than you. If I had a spouse paying bills late (which adds interest/fees) I'd be talking with them too since it's a bad financial choice and is bad for your credit.

I have seen other posts about this and I know I should try and talk to her about it, but sometimes it's hard when dealing with someone who tends to control the conversations and makes me feel bad and like an idiot.

Think about it from her point of view. She is making good decisions and you have a history of making bad decisions. There isn't much to discuss other than how you can get onboard with a plan that's best for the two of you.

Just trying to avoid the swipe speech. I don't use any of the debit cards anymore, without asking since if I was to make any decision about paying a bill without knowing how she has payment arrangements made, gets me in hot water.

Of course it would. You don't want to overdraft the account or bounce checks.

looking for some suggestions besides counseling to address this.

This is actually an easy one. You don't need counseling you need training in how to handle money. Some people are naturally better at this than others and some have to learn, and this isn't a "fault" or "deficiency". There are a lot of places that give advice online (Like Dave Ramsey) to help you understand how to budget and to be financially responsible.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: financial thoughts

Discuss your priorities. Plan ahead. Work on ways to increase revenue and savings while decreasing expenses and debt. Figure out where you are as a team. Work on a budget (before each month) that you both agree on. Stick to it! People generally don't have money problems, they have spending problems. Examine your relationship with money.

I have a big problem with irresponsible family and friends. Other people's emergencies end up on me. Exhausting! As a favor to myself, I've decided to stop bailing people out. If they die (with $7), I'm not claiming the body and not paying for cremations, burials, or funerals. If they end up in Jail, I'll celebrate as the food is free. If they wreck their credit, I'll give them a high five for capping their debt (at least somebody has a plan).

In lieu of a rescue, I'm providing financial advice (to relieve my conscience ahead of time). I'm so done with being broke.

Seeking advice is positive. Good luck with your endeavor.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 11:33 AM
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Re: financial thoughts

Without using the word "irresponsible" how can you explain your being late paying bills? You know when they are due and you know how to pay bills. Doesn't make a lot of sense to try to reduce bills if you're also going to be paying late fees. Talking to your wife isn't as good an idea as just doing what you know to be right. If you want your wife to respect you as an adult and a leader, act like one. If you choose to behave like a child you can hardly complain when she lectures you like you're a child. All the talk in the world isn't going to be as convincing to her as witnessing you sawing your end of the log. Don't forget that you are authorized to work more than one job and more than 40 hours per week.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 03:40 PM
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Re: financial thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by coreoutdoors View Post
I am having some issues with my current job position. The wife makes more than I do, but I have child support and a garnishment taken out of my paycheck. Not to mention that I work as a contractor and only make so much per piece. I do not like my current job and keep looking and applying for something more stable in pay per hour than by the piece type of work. This has brought many different comments from the wife about her having to use her whole check to pay for a lot of the bills.
Since this is the last month in our apt, we are moving to lower rent and able to pay off more bills faster than now. I sometimes feel inferior or low, like a beaten dog each time the rent or some other bill was paid. I try to explain to her that we could cut some bills down, but I get kickback about trying to lower bills that can be cheaper in a different way.
I know I am not the greatest in paying bills on time, but since our marriage I feel that I can't pay anything correctly because if I'm late or not doing it like she wants me to do it, I get the speech about being careless or comments on how she has no money.
I have seen other posts about this and I know I should try and talk to her about it, but sometimes it's hard when dealing with someone who tends to control the conversations and makes me feel bad and like an idiot. Just trying to avoid the swipe speech. I don't use any of the debit cards anymore, without asking since if I was to make any decision about paying a bill without knowing how she has payment arrangements made, gets me in hot water.
looking for some suggestions besides counseling to address this.
I rarely agree with @unbelieveable on anything, but he is right on this. A marriage in which the man has less means that the woman is likely to have problems. It should not be that way, but it is. And not getting round to paying bills on time is not acceptable behaviour.

You are fortunate, you have problems in the marriage, but they are clear and in your control. You will have to get a second income until you find a better job. And you will have to act like a grown up, pay bills on time and control what you can.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-08-2016, 06:06 PM
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Re: financial thoughts

Women get pregnant. They sometimes get fired or become disabled. When things happen they still like to eat and they like to see their kids continue to eat. That is one reason why financially irresponsible men and iffy earners aren't all that appealing. Spiccoli might have been funny at Ridgemont High but few women want to be married to him.
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