wife wants to get paid for housework - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 08:42 PM Thread Starter
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wife wants to get paid for housework

Hello all, first of all sorry for my english..
My wife and i have been married for 6 years and live in a 3br house in NY with no kids. I am a small business owner and i pay for all the mortgage, property taxes, utility, food, cars, insurances, groceries, any and all expenses which is well over $5k/month. I also pay for my wifes school loan, her credit card debts etc and we dine out atleast 3-4 times a week which costs about atleast $80 each time. My wife doesnt work and she stays home and does dishes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for two of us.
Now, she wants to get payed 40k a year $800/week from me for her doing the most chores. She found something on google that housewives work is worth more than 50k a year and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me discount that since im paying all the bills. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesnt want to use the money because she thinks that is my money and i always say that is our money and you can use it on whatever u want and necessary stuffs and we discuss on big purchases. I dont care on giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours since we are one as a couple. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doenst have to think about or telling me etc.) i really hate her calculating each things, whos doing more house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts( calculating) that i hate about. I never cared about whos paying for mortgages, paying all the expenses myself until now, i even hate the fact that i started calculating because of her. When my wife gets angry at me and says y arent u doing anything and not doing any house work! Most of the time i say oh sorry, but when i try to defend myself and say "i did the garbage, did vacuum that day, did this* and that* etc and paying for everything!" Then i become a cheap bastard. She always had problem that she does most of the house chores but i really suck at it and whenever i tried to help, she says please dont do it because it will not meet her expectations. We both agreed while back that i do vacuum 2 time a week and scrub the toilet but it never gets dirty since my wifes cleanliness expectations are too high that she almost everytime does it. By doing these calculations between us, our relationship is getting further away. I do not understand my wife and what to do. Is it me that whos messed up and wrong?
Any input will help! Thanks.

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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 08:45 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Tell her to get a paying job outside the home and you will start sharing the household chores 50/50, for free!
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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 08:56 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Exactly what I was thinking. Well put, lilac.

OP. You have yourself an entitled princess that looks up bullsh1t on google to get more than everything out of her husband, rather than how to be a better wife. Entitled princess syndrome runs strong in America.

Check her search history off and on and wait until she searches for how bad she's going to gouge you in the divorce. At least you'll have somewhat of a heads up.
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 08:57 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Sounds like she is scared that she has lost her independence and needing to rely on you for $. She wants to know that you think she is pulling her weight and therefore not just freeloading off you. I'm not sure what the best way is to approach it to be honest but have you tried just reassuring her that you love her and that you are a family and married so therefore what's yours is also hers and that having you pay her a salary for housework would be creating a business rather than a loving relationship and you'd rather not do that. I imagine she was somewhat independant before you got married? I'm guessing this is just an independent woman having a tough time being dependant on someone else even her husband.

"You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone--profusely. But don't apologize for being who you are."
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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 08:57 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Does she have some money each month that she can spend without having to account to you for it?
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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 09:00 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Is your wife prepared to pay you market rates for food and accommodation?

Why doesn't she just go get herself a job?
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 09:05 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Tell her, your working and paying the bills. She is only doing chores without paying the bills. If she wants to get paid for doing chores around the house, then divide the bills up between the both of you.
She is not an employee, she is a wife.
Also, as you said, money is equally shared. She has equal access to the Bank as you do. Only if a spouse shows irresponsibility with money should one spouse be the Head of the account.

Would she be open to finding a job? Would she be open to letting a maid and or a cook come in and do these things ? These are the things I would discuss with her.
Marriage is 100% on both sides.
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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 09:09 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

I doubt a maid would be nearly as expensive as his wife. This woman is not thinking about independence or she'd get a job
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-21-2016, 09:09 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Next thing you know she'll be charging you for sex.
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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-23-2016, 12:13 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

If I had worked outside the home, everything I made would have gone to the IRS because of my husband's income. So he gave me an allowance, which I put in my own checking account (he could sign on it, but almost never did). I could buy gifts for him without his knowing what I bought, or help one of my kids without asking for the money to do so with. It gave me a little independence, and he didn't miss the money.

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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-23-2016, 12:21 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac23 View Post
Does she have some money each month that she can spend without having to account to you for it?
^^^This is important. Does she have to go to you and ask for money? If she does, just for a moment imagine what that would be like.....not fun.

Have you thought of opening an account, that has a set monthly allotment? That would be for her to do whatever with. That might make her feel more secure.

Otherwise, have her get a job and split the cost of a maid with her, or just pay for it...its not that expensive
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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-24-2016, 01:27 AM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Figure up all the bills (house, cars, eating out, groceries - everything) and split it down the middle. Tell her she owes half and you will split housework but she can't complain about your way of doing things. She needs a hobby.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-24-2016, 10:26 AM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

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Originally Posted by Jasonoso View Post
Hello all, first of all sorry for my english..
My wife and i have been married for 6 years and live in a 3br house in NY with no kids. I am a small business owner and i pay for all the mortgage, property taxes, utility, food, cars, insurances, groceries, any and all expenses which is well over $5k/month. I also pay for my wifes school loan, her credit card debts etc and we dine out atleast 3-4 times a week which costs about atleast $80 each time. My wife doesnt work and she stays home and does dishes, laundry pretty much most of the chores for two of us.
Now, she wants to get payed 40k a year $800/week from me for her doing the most chores. She found something on google that housewives work is worth more than 50k a year and she is serious, and tells me she is giving me discount that since im paying all the bills. We have a joint account that we use and she says she doesnt want to use the money because she thinks that is my money and i always say that is our money and you can use it on whatever u want and necessary stuffs and we discuss on big purchases. I dont care on giving my wife the money she wants since i always thought whatever we have or make is ours since we are one as a couple. It is obvious that she wants her own money (that she doenst have to think about or telling me etc.) i really hate her calculating each things, whos doing more house work etc. I already told my wife about the facts( calculating) that i hate about. I never cared about whos paying for mortgages, paying all the expenses myself until now, i even hate the fact that i started calculating because of her. When my wife gets angry at me and says y arent u doing anything and not doing any house work! Most of the time i say oh sorry, but when i try to defend myself and say "i did the garbage, did vacuum that day, did this* and that* etc and paying for everything!" Then i become a cheap bastard. She always had problem that she does most of the house chores but i really suck at it and whenever i tried to help, she says please dont do it because it will not meet her expectations. We both agreed while back that i do vacuum 2 time a week and scrub the toilet but it never gets dirty since my wifes cleanliness expectations are too high that she almost everytime does it. By doing these calculations between us, our relationship is getting further away. I do not understand my wife and what to do. Is it me that whos messed up and wrong?
Any input will help! Thanks.
You don't even have children for her to take care of! What in the world does she have to be snarky about? I'd LOVE to be able to stay home and do all the household chores, prepare awesome home cooked meals and take care of my hard working husband! And she's allowed to spend YOUR money any way she wants. I don't understand what her problem is. She needs a huge dose of reality! Tell her she needs to get herself a job earning her own "allowance."
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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-24-2016, 01:22 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Good evening
I think it almost always makes sense for married couples to combine incomes (if any) and share costs. Any other arrangement can lead to this sort of issue.
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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-24-2016, 01:37 PM
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Re: wife wants to get paid for housework

Lol.

One word. "No."

What is she really looking for?
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