How could he do this to us - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-31-2016, 06:33 AM Thread Starter
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How could he do this to us

I helped my husband started his own business. We were supposed to be in it together. I took out a huge personal loan to help him. From the start he did not bother listening to me. I have been running two businesses and have a lot of experience.

He tendered on a job. I was led to believe that the spares could be paid over 30 days and we would also get paid over 30 days. We got the order and I was then told that we had to give a 20% deposit on the spares. I was still led to believe that the rest of the payment was 30 days. Now that the spares came he tells me we have to pay it immediately. It amounts to almost half a million. I don't understand what he was thinking. He knew we don't have that kind of money. Now I find out that if we do not take the spares we loose the deposit and our vendor code will be revoked because we signed the contract. This will mean closing the business, loosing everything and I have the huge personal loan to pay off.

He tells me He will sort it out. He has never managed to sort our financial problems out. I had to take the loan on my name as he could not get a loan for that amount of money. He is acting like I am wrong by being angry, scared and stressed.

I want to walk out but what ever I do we are in huge trouble. WE not just him. I stand to loose everything I worked hard for my entire life. I just don't know anymore. If we did not have a beautiful daughter I would have probably considered suicide. I am so tired. I had to deal with infidelity almost two years ago. I am not even over that completely and now this. I am just too tired to carry on.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-31-2016, 08:46 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,371
Re: How could he do this to us

None of your problems are permanent. Death is. And would leave your daughter with HIM, an irresponsible person.

I have started over from nothing before. While it's not the best place to be, it's not the worst. My ex was always using a credit card to pay one and as soon as he got a windfall it was spent on a toy or barely catching up. When I left him he'd already taken out all of my 401k at another employer, we had no savings and had lost our main home to foreclose (but he had a Mercedes at 23% interest!) and were living in our rental home. 9 months later I find out it was foreclosed on. He stopped paying the mortgage the month I moved out and I didn't know it. Why didn't he even try to sell it? Spite? I'll never know.

So I started over at 35 with nothing and a 4y/o. But every month I knew where every penny was coming from and where ever penny was going. And it was wonderful, even when I struggled.

He's not being emotionally supportive, he's not being financially supportive. If he doesn't figure this out and you loose it all, you need to keep your sanity and your children.

Get control of the situation. Think of 3 different scenarios to solve the problems even if that solution is bankruptcy. Because 10 years from now that bankruptcy will be gone and you have a new lease on life.

I'm sorry you are losing so much but it's only money. And yes, it's a lot of money and it sucks to struggle. But at least you'll be dealing with a known factor. You know what your options are - good and bad. At least if you choose a path, there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's a long tunnel.

I'd say cut ties with all of it and move on. Consult two attorneys: one who understands business contracts and what recourse you may have against your husband's company and another for divorce. You may find you can get more assets in a divorce by suing his company to pay yours. Or something. I don't know, that's why you consult someone.

Nothing made me feel so good as ACTION because at least I was doing something about the problem and action is positive.

Cry, scream and take a few deep breaths. Decide what the first step is. I would think making an appointment with an attorney to determine your financial liability on the contract and what your options for recourse are. Then go from there. Right now you need to be in business mode. Read up here on the 180 and how to do it. It will help you emotionally detach from him so you can focus on what needs to be done.

You are a business woman! Take care of business! Hugs!

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-31-2016, 05:10 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: SoCal
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Re: How could he do this to us

Hang in there, sort your problems and then leave his stupid azz. Honestly, what a jerk!
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-31-2016, 11:54 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 4,299
Re: How could he do this to us

Why are you giving your client credit on a $500k outlay? I know you are stressed but with that sort of money at stake you should be getting at least part payment from your client.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 07:42 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 36,141
Re: How could he do this to us

Find someone you know who is a businessperson and ask them for advice. You'll get through it.
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