So .... *big sigh*
My husband has a younger brother in university he is in second year and now he has two More years left.
Now this made my blood BOIL. She told my husband she wants his brother to leave and start working to support her. Number one: I believe she would do that. Number two: it was her way of guilting my husband into investing more in her.
So now I had to think about how I approach this because because I don't want my husband thinking I don't want him to take care of his mother or that I'm hating on her, and I needed to open the doors of communication properly for this, without him taking offense.
Remember the More he gives the more I have to put in. Right now my husband and I have a comfortable life, we do overspend on the weekends and we have now drawn up a budget, we are saving for travel , we aim to do one each year, we have done our overseas country for this year and we aren't preparing for our next. I will absolutely not compromise on this, I have cut down greatly on buying myself things like shoes and clothes and I'm not that woman who wants jewelry and the best furniture. I don't ask my husband for anything, I don't really want anything besides cuddles and kisses and love and to travel and experience and build with him, so no I will not compromise on that. My husband takes care of my needs , and that's how it should be and I'm grateful.
So ... back to the topic , my husband was so angry because he was also studying when his mum pulled him out to work and support the family, given the dad doesn't pay anything even towards his own kids nevermimd his ex wife. So I understand my husband doesn't want that to happen to his brother and I don't want that either .
So yesterday I spoke to my husband at first he shut down and refused to talk he said he needed time. An hour later he was ready to talk. All I said was UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION BEFORE YOU COMMIT. Where is your mum falling short? I didn't say this to him but she dresses like she's out of her magazine , she started these exercise classes, she has ample food and is always going shopping on the weekend for wants as well not only needs, she has dstv/cable tv whatever you call it, she goes for laser therapy (I go for my bikini only because it's sooooo expensive) , so I told my husband please let's try and understand the situation and see what options we have. My husband said she has a problem feeding her son at home the one that's in university , so I said no problem he can come stay with us , his university is closer to us he can eat and sleep here during the week . My husband and said he won't , he alreAdy feels like a burden . But my husband doesn't know the full situation that's just one of the aspects so I'm waiting for him to speak to his mother . I really do feel sorry for his brother because I know how hardball studying is I did two degrees in one and I struggled and I HAD ALL THE SUPPORt and it was still hard.
Sigh.... so I suggested my husband speak to his father and ask for advice . My husband said no because his father will think he is asking for money. I mean is my husband the father ? Must h take care of his fathers kids ? Rhetorical questions
For our wedding my husband and parents saw to the bill. His mother kept on upping the numbers on my parents expense , she did this for our engagement party and wedding I swear she added about 30 extra people for both with absolutely no regard for the cost. So I knew she wasn't this type of a person and I have no doubt in my mind she isn't materialistic and she wants to maintain her lifestyle . She refused to buy me any jewellery or give me any gifts saying she can't afford anything neither did his dad . Not that o need it, my parents did a lot for me and were heartsore and they bought me things.
What's so funny is my husbands brother wasn't thinking of getting married this year ( he's no longer after we told him it's not a good idea since he's studying) and my husbands father jumped up and even booked a hall, bevermind me but he didn't even ask my husband if he needed anything from our wedding ... not even personal items.
My fingers are so but there's so much to say.
The final thing... my mother in law has a boyfriend , he drives smart cars and has 4 kids. That's all I know. They want to get married but the other day he showed my mother in law a message from his ex wife saying how will you support all of us plus a new wife. My husband and I discussed this and he could have possibly shown it to say he let's do this but I can't really support you. And already my mother in law is saying she will stay in her house and he will stay in his meaning : my husband must still maintain her household and she doesn't want to leave the house cUse she's scared her ex husband will take full ownership.
My husband told him mum on numnerous occasions the responsibility is much but she couldn't care less. When I'm not around it even if I'm there she will secretly speak to him and make him feel bad. My husband told me how much she earns and from what I described it's IMPOSSIBLE. I think she's lying and I think her brother also funds her lifestyle because he also is well off .
And I was so mad but now I realize she can do that to her sons and take advantage who the hell am I? She won't consider me in any way shape . I mean the once she considered marrying a man who didn't want to accept her 14 year old daughter.
I WANT my husband to support his mum needs I would that for my parents if need be, but not to fund this extravagant lifestyle she's trying to keep up with .
I'm no more angry. I told my husband please , we are one domt make decisions on your own. Honestly think she will always be a problem In this regards , always demanding and getting her way. There is no way in hell I am having kids one day if I have to be working like a dog so my husband can support her lifestyle, no way. And I made it clear with my husband with regards to finances . He asked me to help out with rent only and i agreed, he sees to a lot definitely more than me but in not going to do more simply because any extra money he hasn't goes to support his mums lifestyle.
This is hard.
But his mum and I have a very amicable relationship And I want to keep it that way for the sake of our marriage . Gosh it's hard my patience is being tested and I'm trying to set boundaries while being a good person