Fiancés mum takes half of his finances - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #46 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 05:53 PM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

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I'm not even his priority why did he even marry me, wish I wasn't living to see this day ! Hurts !
You approached it wrong by marrying this man who made it clear mommy comes first and your needs are a distant second.

You are asking why did he marry you when you aren't a priority? You've got it exactly BACKWARDS.

Cut your losses.

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post #47 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 08:08 PM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

Epy I think if you look back through the post you'll see ditching him was what most folks recommended all along. If you really really love him, you'll cut him loose so he can pander to his mother unfettered and unencumbered by marriage. Think about the stress you are adding to his life by expecting his commitment to your marriage. Show him how much you care by releasing him to fulfill his desire to please his mom.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #48 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 08:54 PM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

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My husband is not for me .
This right here is the truth. If you are joined in marriage, you should be fully supporting and loving each other. No one should come between you, but his mother has always been in the middle. Now you are clearly seeing this. What will you do? Will you continue to live like this? You cannot make him change. What about when children come? You know that could happen anytime. I know many people who got pregnant while using various forms of birth control. The body normally tries to produce children and birth control is fighting against that. Beware of becoming pregnant with this man's child. You will have to fight with his mother to raise your own children.

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post #49 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 07:47 AM Thread Starter
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God forbid I get pregnant .

So, after my husband and I had a fight , he ran to tell him mother then he went to his father. I can only imagine what was said about me. I wanted to make sure I was clear on what I said and my intentions so I messaged his mum and dad so we can meet , not to defend myself or say sorry but to say exactly what I said to my husband maybe with a different approach because my husband misunderstood . My father in law sent me a very ugly message, he turned me away basically telling me to go to hell, that relationship is tarnished. He's not talking to my husband either, he feels we are asking him for money and questioning why isn't he taking responsibility. This is why I didn't want to be excluded, I am realizing my Husband is the real problem not my In laws because my husband refuses to create boundaries , and pleases everyone at my expense ( more emotionally) thinking he's doing the noble thing. So after his father was utterly rude to me I don't intend on going there anymore now how can I have kids with someone whose family I don't want my children around ?

I'm meeting my mother in law later today and I'm going to set things straight.

I know my husband acted in anger but this is the kind of hurt that doesn't go away with an I'm sorry or a hug.

He seems to be approachable now maybe this needed to happen and he will be home soon so we will talk about everything and solve things. I'm going to talk about realistic financial planning and drawing boundaries and him not excluding me and standing up for me not bad mouthing me.

You know what I'm not saying this in a proud way but I am generally a good hearted person , I've been bullied so much in my life I don't know when I'm being bullied, I'm young and beautiful and I have a lot to offer . And if he can't treat me like I'm important then it'll hurt but I'll have to suggest moving on. I don't want to give up on my marriage without trying but it's going to be tough because I'm so hurt . I had to leave work today because I couldn't stop crying.

And yes I'm viewed as the evil selfish one now , ironic hey ??
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post #50 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 10:04 AM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

Now you're just rugsweeping. He's being nice. We can set up an arrangement.

No.

You can't.

Such arrangements last only as long as the person remembers the pain/fear/anger of being called out. Psychologically, that fades away. Within WEEKS he will be back to putting you last again. IT'S ALL HE KNOWS.

You can't change him. If for some reason you decide to stay (I don't recommend it; you can get MUCH better out there), all the change will have to come from you.

YOU will have to set up a separate bank account that automatically draws 80%-90% from his paycheck AND your paycheck into an account from which you pay all bills; if he cancels his deposit, you move out.

You will have to set up a system in which NO moneys can be transferred to his mom or even his brother without your permission; if he tries to get around it, you move out. And don't forget his brother is being groomed to be one of the payees; HE will believe that you and your brother OWE him money for the rest of his life because that's all he knows - big brother is the GIVER in the family, that's his role.

You will have to set up acknowledgment that you will never discuss giving money to his mother again other than ONE meeting, ONCE a year, wherein you both agree on the set amount for that year on a monthly rate. If he tries to bring it up any other time, you move out.

If he's unwilling to do any of these things, MOVE OUT. Because it will only get worse, never better. Unfortunately, this is all you're going to get with this man, from this family.

Do you see what I'm getting at?
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post #51 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 10:33 AM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

If I were you, I would absolutely not speak to his mother. She is not interested in what you have to say. She sees you as her enemy. No good will come from speaking to her about any of this.

This is between you and your husband. You deal with him on this. It is not your job to try to straighten out his mother.

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post #52 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 03:35 PM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

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I'm young and beautiful and I have a lot to offer .
That statement would carry more weight backed with swim suit pictures.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #53 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 10:30 AM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

You were told beforehand not to marry this man. You did anyway. You both are too immature to be married. Stop your whining and get out of this marriage. The two of you are not a good match. Love does not conquer all.
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post #54 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 10:54 AM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

It is true that you don't have to stay married to this man. What were the vows he made to you? Did they include "forsaking all others?"

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #55 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 02:10 PM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

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That statement would carry more weight backed with swim suit pictures.
Or it would be contradicted.

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post #56 of 56 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 09:16 AM
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Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances

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That statement would carry more weight backed with swim suit pictures.
She got ripped for a little cleavage. Don't hold your breath.
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