Re: Fiancés mum takes half of his finances
Now you're just rugsweeping. He's being nice. We can set up an arrangement.
Such arrangements last only as long as the person remembers the pain/fear/anger of being called out. Psychologically, that fades away. Within WEEKS he will be back to putting you last again. IT'S ALL HE KNOWS.
You can't change him. If for some reason you decide to stay (I don't recommend it; you can get MUCH better out there), all the change will have to come from you.
YOU will have to set up a separate bank account that automatically draws 80%-90% from his paycheck AND your paycheck into an account from which you pay all bills; if he cancels his deposit, you move out.
You will have to set up a system in which NO moneys can be transferred to his mom or even his brother without your permission; if he tries to get around it, you move out. And don't forget his brother is being groomed to be one of the payees; HE will believe that you and your brother OWE him money for the rest of his life because that's all he knows - big brother is the GIVER in the family, that's his role.
You will have to set up acknowledgment that you will never discuss giving money to his mother again other than ONE meeting, ONCE a year, wherein you both agree on the set amount for that year on a monthly rate. If he tries to bring it up any other time, you move out.
If he's unwilling to do any of these things, MOVE OUT. Because it will only get worse, never better. Unfortunately, this is all you're going to get with this man, from this family.
Do you see what I'm getting at?