Wife's Contribution - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #31 of 80 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 12:59 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I must say I am very impressed with the ladies on this thread. I too was stricken with a wife who chipped in the minimum to pay the bills and once my income rose sufficiently she stopped contributing altogether.

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post #32 of 80 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 01:09 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
IT would be interesting to see how your wife would do the math.

HOw many hours a day is your wife taking care of kids, cleaning, cooking, etc?
DH,

Rather than stew about it, you very simply need to bring this to your wife's attention.

There might be an unhealthy dynamic here where your wife provides for your children, you provide for both your wife and children, and nothing comes back to you. Is your wife working alongside you after you get home and both of you finish up together? Or, does she expect that her duty ends after you get home and she tunes out?
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post #33 of 80 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 04:31 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I think it's old-fashioned to think of men as the primary breadwinners. In my household, I make more money. I would never consider not working, as we would not be able to pay the bills on my husband's salary only.

I think women cannot have the expectation that men pay all the bills in today's world. It is expensive to live these days, especially with children. How any woman can sit back and complain about money and not help her husband, I don't understand.

I do understand that some women are taking care of young children and it may be too expensive to utilize daycare. Believe me, I was there years ago. But if not, why a woman wouldn't get a job and help out is beyond me? Must be spoiled or else have no confidence in oneself to get a job.
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post #34 of 80 (permalink) Old 12-20-2011, 04:30 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

In the past, my husband was the breadwinner and I stayed home with our daugther. Times have changed and I have been the main breadwinner for the past 2.5 years. We are both self employed and our jobs are commission based. I sort of branched out and found a niche that affords me bi-weekly paychecks. It's not my money, it's OUR money, always. It doesn't bother me and I don't think it bothers him. We are in this together, we fell in the recession hole together and now we are digging ourselves out of it together. There is no "my money" vs. "your money". If he wants to spend money on himself, he'll tell me. If I want to spend money on myself, I'll tell him.
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post #35 of 80 (permalink) Old 12-28-2011, 04:32 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Because of the way the economy is right now, I'm the breadwinner and have been for a while. My husband was the breadwinner in the past. All money that either of us bring home is our money and goes into one single checking and savings account with both our names on it. It doesn't matter to me who earns the money, it's always OUR money.
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post #36 of 80 (permalink) Old 01-03-2012, 12:27 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Hi,

I am looking for ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills. We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.

Do you either contribute to the household financial or blame your man for not providing or leave? Personally, from what I hear most women not all either blame him and do nothing and leave.
OK, you asked for ladies views, but Im going to chime in. I think the first sentence here - 'ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills' is a terribly broken idea. Household expenses belong to the household and everyone in it. The concepts of 'yours' and 'mine', I believe is 100% counterproductive. At least in marriage...living together: totally different story.

We had seperate checking accounts when we were living together.. for about 5 years. Once we got married it took a year or so to do away with that - I mean it seems like you are giving away your independence a little (I think my wife felt that especially), but eventually we realized there was no point to it at all. Once you are 100% comfortable in the relationship and realize that neither is going anywhere and that it is really forever - it becomes a silly point. I think his and hers finances is the result of fear and insecurity. Both of us trust each other 100% with everything money related.

Yeah I make much much more than my wife does, I dont think we could make it if I lost my job or couldnt find work... but Im also sure that she wouldn't 'leave' if that happened. Is that naive? We would find a way. Somehow, we've managed for 25 years.
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post #37 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-25-2013, 08:18 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

In my case I provide 100% of the income, do most of the laundry, do most of the yard work, dishes, cooking, general housework. My 'wife' does not work, makes no effort to work, and does not contribute to the household in any other way. She has considerable debt. She watches TV and plays on the computer for the bulk of the day. She expects me to keep cash in her pocket, pay for her exotic pets including vet bills, pay for her manicures and pedicures, as well as her cigarettes. She used to at least take care of my 'physical' needs, but has stopped that too. I'm told by people fomr the outtside looing in that I am a victim of emotional abuse, but I don't want to get into that. Any advice would be appreciated.
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post #38 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-25-2013, 10:00 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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My 'wife'
You didn't mention kids. If you haven't got any with her then leave. Your post is full of contempt. Run!
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post #39 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-25-2013, 02:33 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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In my case I provide 100% of the income, do most of the laundry, do most of the yard work, dishes, cooking, general housework. My 'wife' does not work, makes no effort to work, and does not contribute to the household in any other way. She has considerable debt. She watches TV and plays on the computer for the bulk of the day. She expects me to keep cash in her pocket, pay for her exotic pets including vet bills, pay for her manicures and pedicures, as well as her cigarettes. She used to at least take care of my 'physical' needs, but has stopped that too. I'm told by people fomr the outtside looing in that I am a victim of emotional abuse, but I don't want to get into that. Any advice would be appreciated.
You should start your own thread. This is a year old.

And what you should do is STOP IT. Stop giving her money. What are you afraid of?
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post #40 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2013, 05:49 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Well this is a bit unusual...but I was the breadwinner AND the homemaker in our house. Hubby spent all "his" money on his toys for himself, hardly helped around the house, and complained about how unhappy he was. He was always trying to figure out how to get out of work and spend more time on his fun...and spent like there was no tomorrow. I had to take on more work and responsibility on my job to handle all this. At the end he was the one demanding divorce after he almost burnt the house down with his hobby work.. Guess who was paying the mortgage and who would have had to clean up the mess had it gone ablaze.
In the divorce settlement guess who had to give up all her liquid assets and half her retirement? And guess who is still working two jobs to survive and who is having the time of their life spending the settlement on their extended holiday which they feel entitled to?
Watch out for a spouse of any gender who has an enormous sense of entitlement. Also be careful if you are a caring person who wants to help someone in need and has an easy time buying into someones sob stories.

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post #41 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-26-2013, 10:35 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by unreal View Post
Hi,

I am looking for ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills. We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.

Do you either contribute to the household financial or blame your man for not providing or leave? Personally, from what I hear most women not all either blame him and do nothing and leave.
My wife and I have our checks go into a shared account and pay the bills that way.

Even though I'm a student I work more hours than she does and earn a little bit more than she does. I've never looked at it as my contribution or her contribution. It's OUR contribution.

When I went back to school I didn't work for about a year and a half, she never once got upset with me about having to be the breadwinner for those months, nor would I ever get upset with her if the situation was reversed.

Many people go in thinking they understand the idea that marriage is a team effort, but very few are willing to live it.
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post #42 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 01:45 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Firstly let me say that my wife has ALWAYS contributed to the running of our home even when she was not going out to paid work. Looking after the home and looking after the needs of the children are important jobs in their own right.

My wife and I started our family very quickly once we married (she fell pregnant within a fortnight) so we soon went from two of us with two wages to three of us with only one wage. We had another child quickly (14 months apart) and when we looked at the cost of childcare and compared it to what my wife would take home after tax it was not enough to make it worthwhile. We got along on just my money but this did mean me pulling extra shifts / more time working away. By the time our third child arrived I was working 70 – 80 hours a week and would sometimes have to spend weeks away at a time.

It was at this point in our lives / marriage that we had our troubles, we had disconnected from each other and it took a lot for us to realize we had to change. My wife took the courses she needed to become a registered child care provider and now runs that part time (20-25 hours) from home. This income has allowed me to cut out the overseas work and reduce my hours to about 50 a week. We are all much happier now.

IMHO its does not matter who earns what as long as between you there is enough to support your family and the total workload (earning / caring) is shared fairly between you.
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post #43 of 80 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 03:38 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

My husband and I both work. He works outside of the home and makes double what I make but I work at home and do all the SAHM duties as well. I'd say that I contribute just as much. He probably doesnt see it that way but who asked him? LOL

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post #44 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 09:49 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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I think you're reading this report the wrong way. It says clearly that women make less because they have less work experience and leave the workforce for extended periods (which translates to gaps in the resume). If a guy has these issues (like will all these layoffs) he will face the same issues.

A dedicated career woman who puts in the same sustained effort as a man can certainly be as financially successful as a man. That women choose to deprioritize careers when kids are in the picture does not make that statement untrue. It simply reflects the consequences of a personal choice.
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post #45 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-03-2013, 09:53 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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My husband and I both work. He works outside of the home and makes double what I make but I work at home and do all the SAHM duties as well. I'd say that I contribute just as much. He probably doesnt see it that way but who asked him? LOL
I think there's nothing wrong with your arrangement as long as the money goes far enough and you put in the same total effort as he does.

From personal experience, where I ran into problems with my ex (she worked, but no OT, cake job, short commute) is that when I got home from a long work day she was sitting on the couch with a thrashed house, no dinner made, etc. As long as you're not doing that you should have no problem.
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