Wife's Contribution - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #46 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-04-2013, 04:48 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by LetDownNTX View Post
My husband and I both work. He works outside of the home and makes double what I make but I work at home and do all the SAHM duties as well. I'd say that I contribute just as much. He probably doesnt see it that way but who asked him? LOL

Sounds like our house, it is hard when you have kids and you both work.

We have just had a "catch up" weekend (get caught up on all the jobs around the house you have not had time / been able to do) so on Sunday afternoon my wife said "love if I get the girls to load the dinner stuff into the dishwasher and the boys to bring down the last of the laundry can you fix the pump on the washer whilst I get started on the ironing". "no problem pet" I replied. My wife response "Thanks once that is done can you take the boys to the park to run off some steam as there is no way I can get the floors mopped with Ben (our 2 year old) hanging onto my leg". "do you want me to take the girls as well" I asked, "No one has got an assignment to finish for Monday and the other has got to get ready for a party", "where and what time is that and who is doing the drop off / pick up?", " I know the drop of is at 5 so if you could be back from the park in time to do it that would be great well have to sort the rest out later".

As you can see none of the jobs were too big but there is no way we could have got them all done without everybody pulling together. In our house everyone (even the 2 year old) has jobs to do and we all appreciate the work that others do to help make the house run “sort of” smoothly.

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post #47 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-06-2013, 01:12 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I've always worked and tried to contribute to my family. He's the main breadwinner and I could never pay the bills alone. At the same time I've never expected him to do it all either.
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post #48 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-10-2013, 03:42 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Financially, I do not contribute much. My MIL does, she pays us rent since she and my lazy ass BIL live with us. My hubby is the breadwinner, pays mortgage, utilities, his car, his gas, his cell, his car insurance and some fun (eating out, movies, etc). I work a low income job, pay my cell, my car, my gas, my car insurance and sometimes some fun too.

I hate the fact that MIL lives with us (she just doesn't stop talking, kinda annoying but sometimes I love her lol), esp BIL (he really does nothing, he's 26.. will be 27 this year). But I can't really complain.. well I shouldn't.

At home, I try to do as much as I can (I suffer from depression, causing me fatigue and lots of things) and do clean up, laundry, dishes, organize things.. My husband really cares about me and doesn't want me to be too tired, he knows I work all day, not treated nicely at work sometimes, and my work is physical too.. so he's always like, "slow down, come sit with me". But I hate just to sit down and do nothing especially when the tv on with nothing that interests me, lol..

I am now 3 months pregnant and my husband becomes more and more caring.. really don't want me to do anything other than go to work, eat and sleep. Right now I am in my bedroom with dirty laundry on the floor ready to be put in washer (2 floors down). I am having heartburn and nausea, but I don't wanna push him to put it in washer, I'll do it myself happily if it gets too long. lol.

Okay I'll stop I'm just rambling here..
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post #49 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-10-2013, 03:56 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Both hubby and I work full time as we don't have a family yet. H earns double than what I do, so he probably pays two thirds of the bills and I pay the rest. It's the opposite way for the household chores.

I feel very fortunate that we don't argue about money. We have joint accounts for bills and savings but still have our own personal accounts, this way we're not asking permission on spending.

I do worry what will happen if kids will come along. I hope that I can at least have a part time income as long as doing most of the running about for the kids.
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post #50 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-11-2013, 04:41 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Both hubby and I work full time as we don't have a family yet. H earns double than what I do, so he probably pays two thirds of the bills and I pay the rest. It's the opposite way for the household chores.

I feel very fortunate that we don't argue about money. We have joint accounts for bills and savings but still have our own personal accounts, this way we're not asking permission on spending.

I do worry what will happen if kids will come along. I hope that I can at least have a part time income as long as doing most of the running about for the kids.

There is no doubt that having children is the most expensive thing I have ever done but it is also the most rewarding.

When as a family you go from two people on two wages to 3 people on one wage it is hard but with some preparation and thought the effect can be minimized. I think that by running joint finances you have already started to prepare for whatever your life together holds.

Just remember it does not matter who pays for what or who does what chores as long as you are both equality committed to making your relationship work. I have always earned more than my wife and since we have had children see has only had part time paid work as she carries out the bulk of the child care / household chores.
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post #51 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2013, 04:47 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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I do not contribute financially to our marriage. I did until our daughter was born and then I left my career to raise her (I worked over 50 hours a week). I couldn't bear to put her in daycare at 12 weeks old. My husband earns a very good living, although we did have to make some changes/sacrifices to be able to afford it. I saved for an entire year before having the baby so that I would have some money of my own-we had separate accounts and still do. He gives me $200 a month and I make some extra money with a home business now that my daughter is old enough for pre-school.
I don't spend any money on myself that is not my own. I don't get my hair done, go out with friends, and rarely buy new clothes because it makes me feel guilty to spend his money on frivolous things. I would never leave him if things got tough just because of money; any spouse that is responsible for the sole income of a family has a lot of weight on his/her shoulders, a lot of stress when things get tough! This is when they need their partners to be supportive the most! But would I put up with a spouse who was irresponsible and refused to do his best for his family? No way! If I have to go back to work at a full time job, I will.
I'm fortunate to have a capable husband that takes his responsibility for supporting us very seriously. As a person who has always been self-sufficient and hates to ask for help or rely on anyone, I've had to learn to learn to trust him but he's earned it by proving what a capable and responsible bread winner he is. I have complete faith in him, his ambition, and his career.
Doesn't mean we don't have our problems, I still feel guilty about not contributing, I still feel resentment for giving up control, and it kills me that I've given up my independence. I often feel inferior, dependent, powerless, guilty, lazy, kept, bored, suspicious, identity loss, useless, unappealing, alone, worthless, etc. I try not to dwell on those feelings and instead, be thankful that my husband has provided a great home for us. He works hard and smart, and I respect him for that!
Oh foolish woman....My wife was a SAHM...For 47 years there has been no his or her money it is our money...A checking account a savings account...period...It is the only way in a true marriage. My wife probably earned about 1 year of my pay during the entire marriage...I fed and clothed, and kept a roof over our heads, and now provided for a comfortable retirement.....She has managed the household, and the finances, and done an outstanding job....We are financially secure, have a comfortable home, several automobiles, an investment home, and a nice pleasure boat....

I could not have done this without her. She watched over our day to day expences with an eagle eye. I know she will get good value for every cent she spends, and can honestly say I have not even looked at a bank account book in years.....I trust her implicitly....As for spending, she is free to buy anything she desires. In fact I have to encourage her to spend more on herself....She likes clothes, and dresses really nicely, but often buys from thrift shops.....All this, and she is a beautiful loving and very sexy woman too. I thank God for finding her for me, as I am not nearly smart or lucky enough to get such a treasure on my own.....

You are being a WIFE and your husband appreciates it. some day he will say the same things about you that I do about my wife...You have all the character my wife has, and I am certain you are an outstanding mother......

It is a real shame that our society has not given the title of WIFE the honor and appreciation it truly deserves. You are being a true partner in your marriage and are making a wonderful contribution in your partnership....Don't feel you are not contributing, and don't take away the pride your man feels for being a good provider...You are living in a good sharing stable relationship, and your daughter will benefit from it....

good luck
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post #52 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-29-2013, 05:00 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by FourtyPlus View Post
In the past, my husband was the breadwinner and I stayed home with our daugther. Times have changed and I have been the main breadwinner for the past 2.5 years. We are both self employed and our jobs are commission based. I sort of branched out and found a niche that affords me bi-weekly paychecks. It's not my money, it's OUR money, always. It doesn't bother me and I don't think it bothers him. We are in this together, we fell in the recession hole together and now we are digging ourselves out of it together. There is no "my money" vs. "your money". If he wants to spend money on himself, he'll tell me. If I want to spend money on myself, I'll tell him.
You and your husband are in a true marriage. My wife and I have been together for 47 years, and the same holds true for us. It is wonderful to look back on a life where two people have shared and sacrificed together.
The contribution My wife made as a SAHM was every bit as valuable as mine as breadwinner. It is a shame that the "your money, my money" relationships miss out on the teamwork and trust of an "our money" marriage....

good luck
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post #53 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-31-2013, 02:25 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

In our marriage I earned all the money for the first 20 years. Then she got a part time sales job that earned about 20 percent of what I earned for the next 20 years...I worked for a total of about 45 years..

In the mean time, she did all the housework and child rearing. I did minimal yard work, and when the kids were old enough they did all the yard work..

I also maintained the cars, home etc....In a nutshell, my wife got up in the morning, got the kids off to school, cleaned house, did laundry, and cooked. When I got home dinner was ready, we ate, and my wife did the dishes.....

Then we watched TV, and went to bed, and had really good sex...(neither of us considered the sex work) Yes, every night for the first 20 years....I figured we worked an equal number of hours daily, since I worked a full 8 hours every day, plus driving time, and she could work an hour, take a break, work some more, shop a little, etc....She was on duty longer than I was, but actually worked about the same number of hours...

I went from an hourly factory worker to an engineer at a fortune 500 company, to a sought after designer and inventor...The money got good, and we are now comfortably retired....

I now do most of the yard work, grocery shopping, car care, and handle our investments, I also do most of the cooking My wife does the laundry, house work, and some cooking...I feel we have had a great marriage, and both of us contributed the whole 47 years....Just in different ways...And the sex is still great...


good luck
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post #54 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-02-2013, 01:59 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

It is responsibility of both the partners to work together to lead a happy life, so IMHO it doesnt matter who runs the house, if both are working, husband and wife both should contribute.
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post #55 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-02-2013, 11:59 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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And contribution comes in things other than money.

Taking care of kids, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, organizing finances...if this is what a woman does, she contributes GREATLY.
I do most of this and last year made almost as much money as H (some years I make more than him). But if you ask him, I don't do anything.

Maybe I'll try to explain the value thing to him one of these days....ie: Take mopping the floors, to him it's so insignificant. When I went looking for the mop one time (he had taken it but didn't say anything), his response was "it made ya money didn't it"...and proceeded to tell me I could just stop what I was doing and go get another one. Hm. I wonder if he would see the value when I ask him if he would like to walk on floors that have only been mopped twice in 5 years.

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post #56 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-06-2013, 11:07 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I pay a quarter of all the bills, rent, savings, etc. since I earn a quarter of the income. I have almost completed the interview process for a full time position with more money and more hours, so I imagine my contribution will increase.

There have been times when I contributed technically nothing, since we were living on one income for almost a year, partly because I didn't have my green card for a while, partly because I was earning a pittance after that, and partly because we knew we'd have to survive on one income when we had a baby anyway, even though we weren't actively trying yet. But my income would go into its own account, and we'd either pile it towards a debt, treat ourselves, fix the car when it broke down those 4 months in a row, or something else. So I must have contributed something, even if just being a safety net for the main account. It's not like hubby was busting his hump and I was making out like a bandit.

And bailingout, crunchy floors is why God invented socks, right?
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post #57 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-06-2013, 11:52 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

We put all our money in one pot and then get an allowance. H makes about 2 times as much as me with his new position. But I will soon be a SAHM, so H will be carrying the load for as long as we can swing it.
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post #58 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-07-2013, 11:19 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Right now I support our family. I wish my h would contribute financially to the household. He's been out of work for 2 years now and has been trying to get his dream career started. It's not going anywhere yet and I'm losing my mind. Since he's busy trying to get this thing started it's as if he has a job and very little time for anything else so I do a lot for the household and I'm drained.

If one person isn't working then their priority should be taking care of the family and household, next comes looking for a job, starting a new career...

Last edited by love2laugh; 04-07-2013 at 11:33 PM. Reason: Something to add
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post #59 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 08:26 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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And bailingout, crunchy floors is why God invented socks, right?
That's a good one but I kinda like them clean.

It doesn't bother me that he doesnt mop, it's the attitude that he gives off when he says I don't do anything or that I can just stop what I'm doing and go get a new mop at that moment that sets me off. It's as if he's saying, moping the floors are worthless tasks and to expect me to stop what I am trying to accomplish at that time to replace what he took says that my time and what I do has no value.
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post #60 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 09:10 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Hi,

I am looking for ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills. We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.

Do you either contribute to the household financial or blame your man for not providing or leave? Personally, from what I hear most women not all either blame him and do nothing and leave.
A lot of woman can take this as bashing. There are many female breadwinners and also other working females who either are paying the bills and/or contribute strongly.

Whether this is the norm depends on who you are dealing with. Depending on the region it may be more normal for the man to carry the entire load, and don't mention it either.

The scenario that you described is not a good one, what if the shoe was on the other foot? I believe that even if it was the norm wherever you lived, why would someone ( man or woman ) deal with it, move to where that's not the norm.

I have been lucky in that most of my woman, will contribute their part and want to do it. But then again, I have been in the situation you describe, and after tasting the honey from a well intending contributor, who really wants to carry their load the other thing doesn't feel good at all!
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