Wife's Contribution - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #61 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 09:41 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by love2laugh View Post
Right now I support our family. I wish my h would contribute financially to the household. He's been out of work for 2 years now and has been trying to get his dream career started. It's not going anywhere yet and I'm losing my mind. Since he's busy trying to get this thing started it's as if he has a job and very little time for anything else so I do a lot for the household and I'm drained.

If one person isn't working then their priority should be taking care of the family and household, next comes looking for a job, starting a new career...
I hope you aren't giving him any money to spend on himself. All YOUR paycheck should be going to pay bills, start a college fund for the kids, and put in savings. You do have a savings account, right?

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post #62 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 09:42 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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That's a good one but I kinda like them clean.

It doesn't bother me that he doesnt mop, it's the attitude that he gives off when he says I don't do anything or that I can just stop what I'm doing and go get a new mop at that moment that sets me off. It's as if he's saying, moping the floors are worthless tasks and to expect me to stop what I am trying to accomplish at that time to replace what he took says that my time and what I do has no value.
What matters is what you then do. Hopefully, you don't cave and appease him.
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post #63 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 12:24 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Then you are harming yourself AND your family. Make it a direct deposit from your check so you don't have to physically do it - you'll start spending it instead. If you are dead broke, start with $10 a paycheck. Every year, increase it. You need an emergency fund so you don't respond to a tire blowout or some other emergency by using a credit card and paying MORE for the product after interest is added.
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post #64 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 12:36 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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What matters is what you then do. Hopefully, you don't cave and appease him.
If you mean do I stop what I'm doing at the moment to run and replace what he took? No, I just skip it for the moment.
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post #65 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 03:03 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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I hope you aren't giving him any money to spend on himself. All YOUR paycheck should be going to pay bills, start a college fund for the kids, and put in savings. You do have a savings account, right?
Nope I'm not giving him an allowance but he will take money when he wants to. We have $1000 emergency fund and the rest goes to paying down cc debt.
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post #66 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-08-2013, 03:06 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Then you need to stop giving him access to the money. He has no RIGHT to take money that YOU earned and support the family with, if he hasn't worked in two years against YOUR wishes. Maybe you agreed to let him find his wings two years ago, but I highly doubt he said 'babe, I'm gonna quit work for 2 or 3 years, but you can cover it all, right?' and you agreed to that. He has broken an unspoken promise to support his family - he shouldn't be getting access to the bank account whenever he wants something, unless YOU agree for him to be a househusband and never work again.
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post #67 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-09-2013, 10:37 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

My husband is in the filmmaking industry. He is almost 50 and he has done OK in his field but not great. He has not received a check in over 13 months. This is typical for his industry.
My husband is wonderful to me. But I cannot go on forever this way and I made that clear to him. While he has no filmmaking contracts, I have asked him repeatedly to get a job. He doesn't want to because if something comes up in his field, he would have to leave the job. Am I being unreasonable?
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post #68 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-09-2013, 11:19 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Not at all. He can always quit a job. He can work at a temp agency. He can work at a 7-11; those people come and go all the time.
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post #69 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-09-2013, 11:33 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Then you need to stop giving him access to the money. He has no RIGHT to take money that YOU earned and support the family with, if he hasn't worked in two years against YOUR wishes. Maybe you agreed to let him find his wings two years ago, but I highly doubt he said 'babe, I'm gonna quit work for 2 or 3 years, but you can cover it all, right?' and you agreed to that. He has broken an unspoken promise to support his family - he shouldn't be getting access to the bank account whenever he wants something, unless YOU agree for him to be a househusband and never work again.
I totally agree, he's broken an unspoken promise. At this point I feel he's taking advantage of me and being very selfish. We have a child to send to college one day and I don't want to work when I'm 80! He is perfectly capable of working a day job while getting his business going on the side, which is the safe and smart thing to do.
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post #70 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-10-2013, 07:31 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Hi,

I am looking for ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills. We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.

Do you either contribute to the household financial or blame your man for not providing or leave? Personally, from what I hear most women not all either blame him and do nothing and leave.

When we still don't have children, we both work and share with the household expenses. However, when I need to stay at home because of our children, he became the breadwinner and I contribute a little by doing freelance work whenever the children are at school. In some marriages, the person who earns less stays at home regardless of whether the person is the husband or the wife. The couple must make the decision and choose what is best for their children.

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post #71 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-10-2013, 09:30 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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My husband is in the filmmaking industry. He is almost 50 and he has done OK in his field but not great. He has not received a check in over 13 months. This is typical for his industry.
My husband is wonderful to me. But I cannot go on forever this way and I made that clear to him. While he has no filmmaking contracts, I have asked him repeatedly to get a job. He doesn't want to because if something comes up in his field, he would have to leave the job. Am I being unreasonable?
It would be wise to take a job until he gets something in his field. Perhaps he can work a 2nd or 3rd shift so that he may use some of the day hours to look for work in his field.

Also being in this type of work he needs to save more and better. He can always quit the job when something better comes along.
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post #72 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-10-2013, 09:49 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by love2laugh View Post
I totally agree, he's broken an unspoken promise. At this point I feel he's taking advantage of me and being very selfish. We have a child to send to college one day and I don't want to work when I'm 80! He is perfectly capable of working a day job while getting his business going on the side, which is the safe and smart thing to do.
Then move the money to an account he can't touch. Tell him if he needs something aside from the home and the food you provide, he can get a f'ing job.
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post #73 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-10-2013, 06:39 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

[QUOTE= I often feel inferior, dependent, powerless, guilty, lazy, kept, bored, suspicious, identity loss, useless, unappealing, alone, worthless, etc. I try not to dwell on those feelings and instead, be thankful that my husband has provided a great home for us. He works hard and smart, and I respect him for that![/QUOTE]

You seem to be able to balance how being a SAHM makes you feel in terms of being financially dependent and recognizing & appreciating the hard work your husband puts in to provide for your family.

I'd like to know though, when it comes to feeling lazy, dependent, guilty to spend his hard earned money, kept etc; do YOU just feel that way or does he ever say/do anything or have an underlying attitude of any sort that evokes those feelings?

I'm just curious to know because I would like to pause my career to be a SAHM when I have children some day. I'd like to know if I do feel like that, would it be natural & internal and I'd just have to 'deal' with it?
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post #74 of 80 (permalink) Old 04-27-2013, 07:13 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

My new partner & I are just at the stage now living together of putting our finances together....I don't earn anywhere near what he does as he is in a very high paying job but he is happy for me to be working & contributing what I can to the household.I know I can survive without him as I have done after separation but with having children I really cannot work fulltime as he's away working and the XH does not have the children very much, only when he can squeeze them in.

My partner's XW was not willing to try and gain employment when their children reached school age and at that time he was not in the job he is in today (he works away and she wouldn't let him take a job that took him away from the family even though it would have placed them in a good position financially albeit short term) so he is happy that I want to get away from the house and contribute what I can...it all adds up.
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post #75 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-10-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

@TheQueen

Good question. I strongly suggest using a marriage councilor to develop a road map. There will be a lot of bumps ahead. Having in depth discussions and role playing and "what ifs" will help smooth over these areas. You discussed your concerns what might he experience. Assume he is clueless in this matter ( he must likely is.).

In the marriages I know that work well with a SAHP (person) the coupe had strong outline of a budget (with slack built in) and the SAHP took care of all the daily expenses including checking. My father might have written a dozen checks till my mother passed and his degree was in accounting. It was the SAHP that did the heavy research used for finiancial planning and developed a written and documented game plan.
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