Wife's Contribution - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-04-2011, 06:42 PM Thread Starter
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Wife's Contribution

Hi,

I am looking for ladies views on making financial contributions towards the household bills. We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.

Do you either contribute to the household financial or blame your man for not providing or leave? Personally, from what I hear most women not all either blame him and do nothing and leave.

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post #2 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-04-2011, 07:40 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I don't contribute very much at all. This is only because there is a huge income difference. However, before I met my husband I lived alone and took care of myself. I have always worked and I intend to continue earning my own money. Despite the fact that I am returning to school part time (to increase my earning potential), I still plan on working while I obtain more credentials. Something can happen to my husband or the marriage.

My husband does the best that he can for us. I will admit that in the past, I was very bitter about what he could provide in relation to other husbands. This was because we could not afford the wedding we wanted, nor will we be able to buy a home for at least 5-8 years.

I realized that the recession was very hard on us-he was the only husband in my circle and acquaintances that lost his job-right after he proposed to me. We were very unlucky, but things are much better financially now. He has received a raise and we were able to buy a new car.

I think that some traditional things never change-most men are the breadwinners, even though women can obtain careers for themselves. After all, you will never see a female lawyer marrying a man that works at Mickey D's. I'm sure some angry feminist is going to bristle at my words, but they cannot argue with statistics. Men still make more money than women and that is why they are seen as the providers.

You are only looking at financial contributions. What I give my husband emotionally is priceless.
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post #3 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-04-2011, 07:42 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

My husband pays mortgage, car insurance, pet insurance, phones and his credit cards/gas/lunches.

I pay daycare (which is unreal...holy crap), utilities, my car, all the food, stuff for the kids and little things here and there.

It works out well. We both contribute and both treat each other to nights out


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They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #4 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-05-2011, 08:44 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Who says men are the breadwinners?? That's old school thinking. I make slightly more than my husband does, we are both 'breadwinners'. We each have certain things we pay for, we work together to make ends meet and ensure we have savings and entertainment money. He doesn't do it alone.
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post #5 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-05-2011, 08:56 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I made way more than my EXH. Then again, he didn't work. Still doesn't. My SO now makes probably 2 amd half times what I make. We have a joint account and everything is paid out of that. We don't keep track who pays what. We are equal partners.
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post #6 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-06-2011, 10:07 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Quote:
We all know men are the breadwiners of the home however prices can rise and jobs and income can low or bust.
In my opinion this has not been true for at least 40 years (since the 1970s) nor for most of humanity (where men and women each had work roles to support the family, village, or whatever.) A couple with one income will find it hard to pay for things, have a good life, and have savings. Women today can make as much as men, are more likely to graduate college and more likely to be employed. I went to college in the 1990s and could hardly think of a woman who didn't intend to have a career, except for a handful of "pre-wed" majors ... of course when there are kids at home, not yet in school, things are different. And I'm not saying both partners should work full-time, in fact I personally would not want that. With only one income, its always a financial struggle, but with two full-time jobs, it would seem always a struggle for time to live ...
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post #7 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-06-2011, 11:36 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

And contribution comes in things other than money.

Taking care of kids, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, organizing finances...if this is what a woman does, she contributes GREATLY.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #8 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 09:31 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

my husband makes alot more money than me.

I am a part time waitress. I work in a diner type establishment about 20 hrs a week. my pay goes direct to our bank account and is minimal to say the least...

my husband is a millwright and makes fantastic money....he never complains about my meager earnings and he understands that now that our kids are grown, I NEED to do SOMETHING.

If he were to lose his job,, I would return to full time work immediately and think NO LESS of him.

As it stands..he pays for everything,,except groceries and any dinners out ect,,that all comes from my tip money.

I appreciate so much that he wants to be the breadwinner,,BUT if he needed more help I would step up to the plate in a heartbeat.

As I am the one doing the budget and all banking..I know where we stand financially and if i thought for one minute we needed more i would return to full time work..however if i were to work more at this point...we would just have to pay more taxes.

works well for us...he never has to pack his lunch, make his dinner..do housework ect
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post #9 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 11:48 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I do not contribute financially to our marriage. I did until our daughter was born and then I left my career to raise her (I worked over 50 hours a week). I couldn't bear to put her in daycare at 12 weeks old. My husband earns a very good living, although we did have to make some changes/sacrifices to be able to afford it. I saved for an entire year before having the baby so that I would have some money of my own-we had separate accounts and still do. He gives me $200 a month and I make some extra money with a home business now that my daughter is old enough for pre-school.
I don't spend any money on myself that is not my own. I don't get my hair done, go out with friends, and rarely buy new clothes because it makes me feel guilty to spend his money on frivolous things. I would never leave him if things got tough just because of money; any spouse that is responsible for the sole income of a family has a lot of weight on his/her shoulders, a lot of stress when things get tough! This is when they need their partners to be supportive the most! But would I put up with a spouse who was irresponsible and refused to do his best for his family? No way! If I have to go back to work at a full time job, I will.
I'm fortunate to have a capable husband that takes his responsibility for supporting us very seriously. As a person who has always been self-sufficient and hates to ask for help or rely on anyone, I've had to learn to learn to trust him but he's earned it by proving what a capable and responsible bread winner he is. I have complete faith in him, his ambition, and his career.
Doesn't mean we don't have our problems, I still feel guilty about not contributing, I still feel resentment for giving up control, and it kills me that I've given up my independence. I often feel inferior, dependent, powerless, guilty, lazy, kept, bored, suspicious, identity loss, useless, unappealing, alone, worthless, etc. I try not to dwell on those feelings and instead, be thankful that my husband has provided a great home for us. He works hard and smart, and I respect him for that!
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post #10 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 06:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Quote:
Originally Posted by wifeofhusband View Post
It's better to be poor and have the family happy and running well. My most valuable contribution in our relationship just happens to not be paid.
That's one of the best statements I have heard on this forum glad some people think this way. Some women or even guys put this on the not acceptable list that he/she cannot be poor or on a low income!


Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
And contribution comes in things other than money.

Taking care of kids, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, organizing finances...if this is what a woman does, she contributes GREATLY.
Roles are reversing as more stay at home Dads are doing this and woman are in the workplace apparantly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idid View Post
I do not contribute financially to our marriage. I did until our daughter was born and then I left my career to raise her (I worked over 50 hours a week). I couldn't bear to put her in daycare at 12 weeks old. My husband earns a very good living, although we did have to make some changes/sacrifices to be able to afford it. I saved for an entire year before having the baby so that I would have some money of my own-we had separate accounts and still do. He gives me $200 a month and I make some extra money with a home business now that my daughter is old enough for pre-school.
I don't spend any money on myself that is not my own. I don't get my hair done, go out with friends, and rarely buy new clothes because it makes me feel guilty to spend his money on frivolous things. I would never leave him if things got tough just because of money; any spouse that is responsible for the sole income of a family has a lot of weight on his/her shoulders, a lot of stress when things get tough! This is when they need their partners to be supportive the most! But would I put up with a spouse who was irresponsible and refused to do his best for his family? No way! If I have to go back to work at a full time job, I will.
I'm fortunate to have a capable husband that takes his responsibility for supporting us very seriously. As a person who has always been self-sufficient and hates to ask for help or rely on anyone, I've had to learn to learn to trust him but he's earned it by proving what a capable and responsible bread winner he is. I have complete faith in him, his ambition, and his career.
Doesn't mean we don't have our problems, I still feel guilty about not contributing, I still feel resentment for giving up control, and it kills me that I've given up my independence. I often feel inferior, dependent, powerless, guilty, lazy, kept, bored, suspicious, identity loss, useless, unappealing, alone, worthless, etc. I try not to dwell on those feelings and instead, be thankful that my husband has provided a great home for us. He works hard and smart, and I respect him for that!
I can never understand why women wouldn't help their hubbie to work and earn to make their hours less and have more time with each other.

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post #11 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 06:55 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

I'm a SAHM but I contribute equally.
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post #12 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 06:55 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

"Roles are reversing as more stay at home Dads are doing this and woman are in the workplace apparantly."

Right, but I was just saying IF a woman does that...


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They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #13 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 07:38 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

Quote:
Originally Posted by mc75 View Post
In my opinion this has not been true for at least 40 years (since the 1970s) nor for most of humanity (where men and women each had work roles to support the family, village, or whatever.) A couple with one income will find it hard to pay for things, have a good life, and have savings. Women today can make as much as men, are more likely to graduate college and more likely to be employed. I went to college in the 1990s and could hardly think of a woman who didn't intend to have a career, except for a handful of "pre-wed" majors ... of course when there are kids at home, not yet in school, things are different. And I'm not saying both partners should work full-time, in fact I personally would not want that. With only one income, its always a financial struggle, but with two full-time jobs, it would seem always a struggle for time to live ...
Your opinion is not a fact:
GAO Report: Why Women Still Make Less than Men
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post #14 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-07-2011, 07:40 PM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

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Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
Who says men are the breadwinners?? That's old school thinking. I make slightly more than my husband does, we are both 'breadwinners'. We each have certain things we pay for, we work together to make ends meet and ensure we have savings and entertainment money. He doesn't do it alone.
I said that most men are still the breadwinners, not all.
Some "old style" things never change, no matter how much we may want them to.
I'm willing to bet that most men on TAM, are the ones that bring home the majority of the income.
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post #15 of 80 (permalink) Old 11-30-2011, 08:53 AM
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Re: Wife's Contribution

My H hasn't worked in two years. He also doesn't help around the home, help with kids, or do much of anything. So take you 19th century views of marriage and .............
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