Advice please - different views - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 07:05 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

i don't understand something, it's her inheritance let her deal with it alone, since you name is not on it and therefore you should not have any rights to once she sells, none of the money you make should be used for upkeep and support. simple as that...she can handle by getting a job....i would begin by telling her that you are going to open a separate account, and place your pay check in there and provide only funds to cover the your immediate family needs.

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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 07:12 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

Why can't you afford payments on your truck? Are you saying that your wife is pulling so much money out of the joint coffer to spend on the other house that it is affecting your ability to pay your bills?

What does your brother buying a $50,000 truck have to do with anything? Are you trying to keep up with him? Maybe he'll be sleeping in that truck.
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 07:41 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

The house has to be sold off, if no-one is going to take care of it.
Who does the finances in your house? If it is you, then get a spreadsheet, put in your financials and explain slowly and carefully the options to your wife. Show all outstanding loans, mortgage, credit cards, etc matched against income over the next five years, kids education, retirement, etc. Also include the cost of travelling up and down to the house, the money spent so far and forecasted expenditure. Maybe then she will see reality. Just telling her that you cannot afford it, is not enough, she needs to be shown why.
Does your wife work?
If that doesn't work, ask her to explain where the money will come from and if she still insists, then she has to sacrifice something such as her car, a holiday, etc
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Advice please - different views

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
Why can't you afford payments on your truck? Are you saying that your wife is pulling so much money out of the joint coffer to spend on the other house that it is affecting your ability to pay your bills?

What does your brother buying a $50,000 truck have to do with anything? Are you trying to keep up with him? Maybe he'll be sleeping in that truck.
I dont even have a truck because I can't afford it. I'm driving a car I hate (after my jeep that i loved was totaled) while my wife has the car she wants and loves it. I can't afford what I want because of her car, her spending, and her desire for debt and buying things outside of our budget.

I am not one for "keeping up with the jone's"; I just want to be happy with the things that I own. It just really burns me for some reason to see my little brother with that vehicle and owning his house.
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Advice please - different views

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The house has to be sold off, if no-one is going to take care of it.
Who does the finances in your house? If it is you, then get a spreadsheet, put in your financials and explain slowly and carefully the options to your wife. Show all outstanding loans, mortgage, credit cards, etc matched against income over the next five years, kids education, retirement, etc. Also include the cost of travelling up and down to the house, the money spent so far and forecasted expenditure. Maybe then she will see reality. Just telling her that you cannot afford it, is not enough, she needs to be shown why.
Does your wife work?
If that doesn't work, ask her to explain where the money will come from and if she still insists, then she has to sacrifice something such as her car, a holiday, etc
Thats part of the problem, my wife does all the finances and I get little to no input. This is entirely my fault for putting up with things being this way but I know if I rock the boat and say that either I want to manage our money or I am opening my own accounts its going to start WWIII so I avoid that subject and live unhappy.
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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 07:51 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

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Originally Posted by TN129 View Post
Thats part of the problem, my wife does all the finances and I get little to no input. This is entirely my fault for putting up with things being this way but I know if I rock the boat and say that either I want to manage our money or I am opening my own accounts its going to start WWIII so I avoid that subject and live unhappy.
Therein is your problem, it is not just about the house. You have given your power away to your wife. You have to take it back or you will live a life of miserable subjugation.

YOu need to read NMMNG, the guys here can also give you advice on how to get your power back.
Are you the major earner? If so stop putting money in a joint account, open another one in your name only and tell her things are going to change. If she wants to stay married to you then you are an equal partner in all and it's not her only calling the shots.
YOu sound like you are afraid of her and losing the marriage. Do not be afraid to lose the marriage, it sounds miserable for you, but if you find your cajones, it could be a much better marriage for you both. Deep down no woman wants to be in control, she wants a man who leads though treats her as an equal partner.
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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 08:49 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

It's clear to me that you are willing to vent here because your afriad of your wife...she obviously wears the pants in the family.
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 10:48 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

You are your biggest problem. It's your life too but you need to quit living in fear.
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 09:12 PM
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Re: Advice please - different views

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Originally Posted by aine View Post
Therein is your problem, it is not just about the house. You have given your power away to your wife. You have to take it back or you will live a life of miserable subjugation.



YOu need to read NMMNG, the guys here can also give you advice on how to get your power back.

Are you the major earner? If so stop putting money in a joint account, open another one in your name only and tell her things are going to change. If she wants to stay married to you then you are an equal partner in all and it's not her only calling the shots.

YOu sound like you are afraid of her and losing the marriage. Do not be afraid to lose the marriage, it sounds miserable for you, but if you find your cajones, it could be a much better marriage for you both. Deep down no woman wants to be in control, she wants a man who leads though treats her as an equal partner.

You said "deep down no woman wants to be in control"

I say: that is just not true .... many are and are in very happy relationships and marriages.

Remember, there ARE alternate lifestyles out there, and they're not that rare anymore.




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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-25-2016, 10:39 AM
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Re: Advice please - different views

Has anyone made up a list of the needed repairs with the cost? If that was done and each of the 4 was asked to contribute 25% of the cost, it might change some minds about keeping the house.

Seeing the total about that is needed just to get the property into decent condition might help to change some minds.

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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 09:34 AM
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Re: Advice please - different views

Quote:
Originally Posted by TN129 View Post
I dont even have a truck because I can't afford it. I'm driving a car I hate (after my jeep that i loved was totaled) while my wife has the car she wants and loves it. I can't afford what I want because of her car, her spending, and her desire for debt and buying things outside of our budget.

I am not one for "keeping up with the jone's"; I just want to be happy with the things that I own. It just really burns me for some reason to see my little brother with that vehicle and owning his house.
This is a whole other issue. But you know that. Right?

Have you ever read the book No More Mr Nice Guy? You are past due on reading it.
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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 09:36 AM
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Re: Advice please - different views

Quote:
Originally Posted by TN129 View Post
Thats part of the problem, my wife does all the finances and I get little to no input. This is entirely my fault for putting up with things being this way but I know if I rock the boat and say that either I want to manage our money or I am opening my own accounts its going to start WWIII so I avoid that subject and live unhappy.
Oh no! Not WWIII! However will you survive?

Oh, yeah. It's just an angry woman.

Do you take that kind of crap in other aspects of your life?

No? Then why accept it from her?

Time for therapy (for you, not her).
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