Unmotivated to provide financially
Hello all. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, persons in similar situations (currently or in the past) or just to vent...I guess a mix of all 3! My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and together for 3. When I first met my husband we clicked and had great chemistry but he had a lot of problems, such as unstable employment and heavy drinking. I helped to get him a steady job 3 years ago and it was with the understanding (or so I thought...) that it was temporary. The position is very low paying (less than 12.00/hr). Although it does have health benefits, paid time off and the luxury of working from home. It's also nice for us to have similar schedules. One day a week he also does an odd job but he's recently lost clientele and when we did the math he's basically only making a profit of about 30.00 a week doing that side job. We live in a one bedroom apartment and always have. It's pretty cramped and our "dining room" is just an accumulation of stuff we don't have room for elsewhere. He has his Masters degree. I work an "okay" low paying position (more than 12.00/hr, less than 20.00/hr) with similar benefits. I am currently in school full time with a goal of obtaining my Masters degree but I'm not close yet. I still have not entered my senior year of my Bachelors degree. I've looked at similar positions, but there's really not much else out there for me that's better than my current job. For my husband, this is the complete opposite. With his degree, he could literally be making 20,000 more dollars a year. It would be a somewhat stressful job in the education field. However, he'd be working less hours and as I pointed out making so much more money. He had been reluctant to pursue a career in that field but recently put out some applications. The first place to call him back, he aced his interview, got a verbal offer and was going to take the job, however, it didn't end up working out and the offer was retracted. Since then, he's made absolutely no effort to apply for any other similar positions or similar paying positions, even though there are several openings available as we speak he could apply to. He has started saying things like he is no longer interested in doing that and that he wishes I would be happy with where he is "right now". It is very disappointing because when we thought the previous opportunity was going to happen, I was looking at houses, and when playing with the budget I saw how much was possible including vacations and maybe even kids. As of right now though, we have about 5k to our name, 1 car that's old (2003), and paying for a vacation is a joke. Some of his bills his parents still pay, such as his personal cell phone, car insurance and student loans. If we had an emergency, we'd have to ask them for help. How can I be okay with that being where we are "right now"? I feel like a hypocrite in some ways because I myself can't provide more than the lifestyle we have right now, so who am I to expect more from him? But it's extremely frustrating that he has the ability to provide more (so much more...20k more!!) and he feels no motivation to be that provider, to give us a better life, to give us financial security, to be financially independent from his parents. It's like none of that matters to him or at least doesn't matter enough to quit his easy, low responsibility work from job. I feel stressed from the lack of money, frustrated that he won't do anything about it and also worried about the future. Will it always be this way? When I finally graduate and get a decent paying job is he just going to ride my coattails? I feel like I am giving 100 % and he is only giving 50 % if that when it comes to our finances. Apart from this, he is a good guy, he stopped drinking, it's been almost 6 months now (we both are sober), he cooks for me, he helps clean, gives me massages and is affectionate. However he is also not a go getter in the sense that he never plans dates or puts effort into buying gifts, or doing any romantic gestures that require planning. If it doesn't require planning, then he's game. If I even mention a calendar, he blows up. It's like he doesn't wanna grow up. And if anything he almost makes fun of me for being "so ready to join the rat race". I'm 28 years old and he's 31. Is it so wrong to be resentful that he isn't contributing as much as he could? How should I react to this?