Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I think I mentioned this in another part of the forum, but I will
tell the story again here.
My husband lost his job 4 years ago, and hasn't found anything permanant. He does work for company that does security for events, but that is only once in a while. Im left with paying the bills, or should I say trying to pay the bills.
My husband gets his retirement pay from the National Guard, but doesn't use that to help at all.
The only time I have demanded anything from him, is when the Public Utilities threatened to shut off our water(again) I told him
"you ARE going to help pay this bill so help me. We are NOT going to go a month without water again!" And he did.
I got so frustrated and upset the other night because he got his paycheck from the company he works for. I asked him if he had deposited it in the checking account yet? He said no, I already cashed it. I know for a fact that he hides money from me, because I know were he hides it. In his sock drawer(figures)
I was going to have him put the money in the checking account, but decided that instead, we would use it for the grocery store untill our food stamp card has money put on it.(Not till the 3rd of December) He kept $100 for himself, and gave me $76. He said he cashed it because he was going to buy clothes with it.(yeah right)
I told him that he has left me (I guess I should have said us) financialy stranded. That I didn't know what the hell he was thinking, and that there was something wrong with him.
He said that there was nothing wrong with him, but there was something wrong with me.
I also pointed out that even though its the holiday season, my hours have been cut to show him I needed help desperatly.
Nothing seems to be getting trough to him. Im desperate!
Sorry this post is so long
So he gets paid, but doesn't help out and isn't working. Wow. Then he cashes his money doesn't does not give it to the household or account for where it is? Wow again.
I'd kick him out or move out. You're already doing it alone.
Thank you so much for your responses. As an added remark,
my mother has been helping us to pay our morgage. If it wasn't
for my mom, we would have lost the house a long time ago.
My husband turned 61, so I know its hard for people his age to
find jobs. Believe me, Im not making excuses for him.
I have been having thoughts about kicking him to the curb. In sheer desperation I have even thought of having one of his older
brothers talk to him. He respects what his brother has to tell him, so maybe he could be an influence, though I hate dragging his family into our problems.
We would probably end up having to sell the house because we just can't afford to keep it, even with my moms help.
I would probably end up being the "bad guy" in his families eyes if we did divorce. But then again, why would I give a dam
Oh yeah, by the way, next year he will get his retirement pay from his union.
You need to file for divorce-NOW. The courts can require that he help support. So what if you sell the house. If he doesn't help his family aren't you in danger of losing the house eventually. If his family thinks you are the "bad guy" why do you care. Do they support the way this man is treating his family? You have been on your own, make it official. Then he can answer to the courts. And I'm sorry this is coming up at the holidays, it must be heartbreaking. You have my deepest sympathy.
My husband told me today that he didn't get the job with UPS. We were counting on him getting seasonal work with UPS as a drivers helper. This would have been his 4th season with them, but when he called, he was told that the jobs had already had been filled, and that the reason he wasn't hired this year was because he has a "black mark" on his file. This was news to him.
For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. He has had the same driver for the last two seasons, and had a good repoire with her. He said no one took him into the office to have a talk with him. And no diciplinary problems, or write ups.
Now we will have no money comming in this holiday. I cried on the way to the grocery store.
I don't mean to get touchy, but why do you need to know if we have pets? Are you going to tell me to get rid of them? Lets not even go there. Its not their fault that there daddy is a butthead.
My husband told me today that he didn't get the job with UPS. We were counting on him getting seasonal work with UPS as a drivers helper. This would have been his 4th season with them, but when he called, he was told that the jobs had already had been filled, and that the reason he wasn't hired this year was because he has a "black mark" on his file. This was news to him. I am very sorry to hear about this.
For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. He has had the same driver for the last two seasons, and had a good repoire with her. He said no one took him into the office to have a talk with him. And no diciplinary problems, or write ups.That doesn't make any sense.
Now we will have no money comming in this holiday. I cried on the way to the grocery store. *hug*I wept when I was planning my crappy wedding. We could only afford an elopement.
I don't mean to get touchy, but why do you need to know if we have pets? Are you going to tell me to get rid of them? Lets not even go there. Its not their fault that there daddy is a butthead. Whoa! I was just asking to get a better picture of where the money might be going.
It is not fair to attack me for what you think I am going to say-you do not live in my head. Since I am also "mommy" to a kitten, I can't imagine getting rid of her. Perhaps you can look at a more reasonable vet or cheaper food?
I really do not appreciate the undeserved anger. You will find that people will be more willing to respond, if you treat them with the same respect that they give you!
Sorry, I didn't mean to jump on you. Im stressed enough as it is without the thought of having to give away my pets. I've had other people tell me that I should "get rid of them". Not give them away, "get rid of them" like they are trash. Something thats disposible. Like enough animals are already treated that way. It was a knee jerk response, Im sorry.
(Note, this day & age, a black mark can be anything from punching in 10 mins late... , or calling in sick- even once, or all the way up to insubordinate conduct..)
Sorry, I didn't mean to jump on you. Im stressed enough as it is without the thought of having to give away my pets. I've had other people tell me that I should "get rid of them". Not give them away, "get rid of them" like they are trash. Something thats disposible. Like enough animals are already treated that way. It was a knee jerk response, Im sorry.
Some towns have food banks for pets. People donate pet food and items. And those in need can go pick up food, etc. YOu might want to look for one in your area. One good way to find one is to go to the pet section on Craigslist and ask there if anyone knows of a charity that does this.
1) tell your husband that he puts ALL of his income into an account/pot/whatever with yours. Then all bills are paid. Then whatever is left over can be saved or spent as you jointly decide.
2) you want a divorce.
Let him decide which he wants to do. Give him the choice.
By the way, depending on how long the two of you have been married, you might be entitled to a percentage of his retirement pay. He might have a lot to lose acting out as he is.
We have been married for 25 years.
I have thought of something else. I don't know if it would be
doable. My husband will turn 62 next year, which means he would be eligable to look into a reverse morgage. If he were able to get one.(Im not because Im only 54) we could get the money we put into the house.
He could keep the house, I don't want to be here anymore, I would take a portion and move out and get my own place. He could use his to live off of, and to fix up the house. It needs it.
On his 62nd birthday, he is also eligible for his union benifits.
So not only could he get his social security, he gets his National Guard retirement, and his union benifits too. Oh yeah, he has an IRA too. So he wouldn't be bad off. I would be just glad to get out of here.
Thats if things don't work out. I know it probably sounds like a crazy idea.
4Likes
irresponsable husband 
