He secretly spent over $100,000 sinve our 1st child was born 4 years ago
My husband and i have been living together for 12 years, married for almost 9. When we met i was psychologically unwell (psychosis on and off for 2 years) and he was very overweight. He kost weight and i havent had a psych problem snce we met.
We have since had 2 children. They are 4 and 1. I found out 2 months ago i am pregnant again.
Last year, we saw a cousellor for several months. I was worried as my husband jad gaoned a lot of weight. He never ate in front of me and i couldnt see any extra spending on our finances, so i was worried about honesty. Durong our counselling, it came out that he had lied about a few things ( bought me earrings that he said were real but were fake, orderered A PHARMACY of drugs online to improve weight, sex, and mind). I was devastated he hadnt been truthful with me but i forgave him and we have spent the last year rebuilding our marriage.
We have been ok over the last year. However, a few times when ive approached him about suspicions he was lying, he got very defensive/angry. He even called me crazy a few times, which is especially hurtful for me. This was not the process we had figured out through counsllling for when i thought he was lying.
A few days after i found out i was pregnant, i also found he he has been financially unfaitful. In a nutshell, he has secretly spent more than 1/3 of the money he has made since we have had kids. There are 2 main reasons this is devastating for me.
1. The lying that has gone into this has been daily and massive. He has been lying about how much he makes, his tax returns, cashed out life insurance, recieved inheritance and had extra jobs ...none of which he has told me about. He has had more than 4 accounts going i didnt know about.
2. He has ripped off our family. I have been at home with the kids for more than 30 months of the last five years, relying almost solely on his income. I have also worked full time while being pregnant/ breastfeeding to support the family while he tried to start his buisness(shared no income from this for 10 months....told me he wasnt making anything). I have done extra work to make money for our family, and been a good and loving partner to him in every way i could. Meanwhile he jas been walking all over me and using money that could have made our family have a better life for his own slefish ends.
The money has mostly gone to takeaway food, magazines etc....just blown. He has spent abour $130,000 since i fell pregnant with our 1st child. He now has 17,000 debt on credit cards.
I asked him to move out. He has, but we are currently teyimg him coming around every evening and weekend to see the kids. Im having a really hard time beimg around him but i want to keep things normal for our kids.... i dont know if he can change. I dont want to be with him any more..... but i feel like i will probably end up goving him another chance so that we can have another go at a happy family. Ive told him this can only happen if he changes and proves to me that he has changes. This currwntly has a 2 month timeline.