yours mine ours accounts - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

 28Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 13
yours mine ours accounts

After years of financial struggles ( or maybe it was financial carelessness) I'm at my wit's end. To somewhat protect myself and kids I had my husband set up his own checking, I ser up mine, and we have a joint acct. The household bills arr paid thru the jpint acct as well as family expenses ( groceries, pet expenses, kids $). He has a percentage he transfers evwry week and I once a month ( only pd monthly). This has lessened my stress as I was worrying about frivolous expenses and had to be rhe bad guy all the time. Well that was in June when he opened his account aand its gone to sh## since. He has a motorcycle payment, bike insurance, student loan, etc that he pays after joont bills but he has not made any payemtbs since July. These were all set up on autopay and he cancelled it whrm he couldnt budget. The motocycle loan is cosigbed by me and his medical bill I can be responsible for. I make 1/2 of his pay after taxes and cant afford to pay on his debt as well as mine( I have a small cc and student loan) any advice is well received
Posted via Mobile Device

holsch is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:36 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Sell the motorcycle. He cannot afford it. Plus you have young kids. Does he want them to be fatherless?

Do you have life insurance on him?
blueinbr is offline  
post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:37 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Oh, and read Dave Ramsey
blueinbr is offline  
 
post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:40 PM
Member
 
Lostme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 594
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Agree with selling the motorcycle.



You do matter!
Lostme is offline  
post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 13
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Actually..i did our bills on a spreadsheet and he had money to pay all of his..just didn't..yes to life insurance
Posted via Mobile Device
holsch is offline  
post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 09:56 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
yours mine ours accounts

Quote:
Originally Posted by holsch View Post
Actually..i did our bills on a spreadsheet and he had money to pay all of his..just didn't..yes to life insurance
Posted via Mobile Device


So why did he cancel autopay? Then he sells it because he is not responsible enough to own one that YOU consigned.
blueinbr is offline  
post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 11:38 PM
Member
 
Spicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: 2 Stars to the right & straight on till morning!
Posts: 642
Re: yours mine ours accounts

He might legitimately not know how to budget, or at least fully understand it. Since you have good skill in that, sit down with him, teach him how to do it and devise a plan. Write it all out, put it in a calendar, and encourage him to get anything he can out back on auto pay.

If he is unwilling to do this, or continues to not make payments, let him know you will be selling anything that has your name on the loan because you are not going to ruin your credit because he is lazy bookkeeper.

Ciao,

Spicy
Spicy is online now  
post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 06:09 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 13
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Thanks to those who replied..hes horrible at following through with things (projects, plans, etc). I didn't think of it as our debt for bike til now. That would be a fair way to go about it. I have yours mine ours spreadsheet with dates due amt on it and have shown him what is left after he pays all his bills too, and if you just spend this set amt weekly he'll be fine. His reason for taking off autopay was because he overspent and didn't have enough to cover the payment.😠 I just want him to adult for once and not put the weight of finances on me. When we pooled all our money before he tried to convince me to cancel autopay on some bills so we'd pay later but I stuck to my guns. (Late fees duh)
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device
holsch is offline  
post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 06:25 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Can he work more hours and make more money?
blueinbr is offline  
post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 13
Re: yours mine ours accounts

He's talked about getting a second job ..a different jplace he'll talk about every month..but he takes no action..at his ft job overtime is not optional..unless tjey have more demand
Posted via Mobile Device

holsch is offline  
post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 09:51 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Quote:
Originally Posted by holsch View Post
He's talked about getting a second job ..a different jplace he'll talk about every month..but he takes no action..at his ft job overtime is not optional..unless tjey have more demand
Posted via Mobile Device


Well, if he wants to spend more money he has to make more.

Worse case is all the money gets direct deposit into your account. You pay all the bills. He ONLY gets access to his account to which you transfer the money he can spend on other things.
blueinbr is offline  
post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 10:55 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 588
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Quote:
Originally Posted by holsch View Post
Thanks to those who replied..hes horrible at following through with things (projects, plans, etc). I didn't think of it as our debt for bike til now. That would be a fair way to go about it. I have yours mine ours spreadsheet with dates due amt on it and have shown him what is left after he pays all his bills too, and if you just spend this set amt weekly he'll be fine. His reason for taking off autopay was because he overspent and didn't have enough to cover the payment.😠 I just want him to adult for once and not put the weight of finances on me. When we pooled all our money before he tried to convince me to cancel autopay on some bills so we'd pay later but I stuck to my guns. (Late fees d kouh)
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device
Posted via Mobile Device
What you want and what you have are different things. Unless you take legal action to separate yourself from exposure, you will be best served by treating him the way he acts- like a child.

All his earnings go into the joint account and he is not permitted to touch any of it. You give him a set, weekly cash allowance and you pay all the bills. He does not get a credit/debit card and is not permitted to open any kind of credit account. You should subscribe to a credit monitoring service to make sure this man-child does not do so behind your back.

Perhaps he will decide to be an adult, but I wouldn't bet on it. If you don't protect yourself, he could very easily put you into bankruptcy court. He will most definitely continue to undermine your efforts to be financially secure if you don't take action. More income will only raise the stakes. He has a spending problem. You don't cure that with more money any more than you cure meth addiction with more meth.

Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. Sorry, but unless HE sees it as a problem it will never get better.
Posted via Mobile Device
zookeeper is offline  
post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 11:16 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,328
Re: yours mine ours accounts

Quote:
Originally Posted by zookeeper View Post
What you want and what you have are different things. Unless you take legal action to separate yourself from exposure, you will be best served by treating him the way he acts- like a child.



All his earnings go into the joint account and he is not permitted to touch any of it. You give him a set, weekly cash allowance and you pay all the bills. He does not get a credit/debit card and is not permitted to open any kind of credit account. You should subscribe to a credit monitoring service to make sure this man-child does not do so behind your back.



Perhaps he will decide to be an adult, but I wouldn't bet on it. If you don't protect yourself, he could very easily put you into bankruptcy court. He will most definitely continue to undermine your efforts to be financially secure if you don't take action. More income will only raise the stakes. He has a spending problem. You don't cure that with more money any more than you cure meth addiction with more meth.



Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. Sorry, but unless HE sees it as a problem it will never get better.
Posted via Mobile Device


This post ^^. is really your only viable option unless he grows up.

If he blows your credit and you decide to separate or divorce, you might have trouble even renting a house or apartment. Or leasing a car. You will pay higher rates for car insurance. Basically, you will be screwed.

This is major stuff - couples divorce all the time over money.
blueinbr is offline  
post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 11:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 588
Re: yours mine ours accounts

OP: Read up on "joint and severable" debt sometime. It's a very sobering legal concept and can really highlight why you can't take this lightly. It's much, much more than an annoyance.
Posted via Mobile Device
zookeeper is offline  
post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-25-2016, 06:07 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 13
Re: yours mine ours accounts

I feel like I'd be giving in if I took over the bills. That's how it was before. Id pay bills, tell him how much was left hed argue and say that won't work and break the budget and I'd have to find a way to juggle bills to make it work. Not again! My credit might tank but if the bike is repoed he will have a consequence for his actions.
Posted via Mobile Device
holsch is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Joint bank accounts & trust issues Skeptical1 Financial Problems in Marriage 44 01-22-2017 08:20 PM
Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason? DustyDog Financial Problems in Marriage 53 07-22-2016 04:52 PM
Both names on cars, bank accounts, etc? Chris42 Financial Problems in Marriage 26 01-13-2016 07:58 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome