Side-job money - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 11:45 AM
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Side-job money

Originally Posted by FlaviusMaximus View Post
She recently implied she might leave if I didnít hand over the extra money
My thought is that this statement quoted above is the only thing that matters at this time.

It's like saying "how do I fix this hangnail" oh and by the way I've got an elephant standing on my foot but I'll deal with that another time.

There are some big problems here and it's not the money from the side job and how you spend it.

browser is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 06:50 PM
DustyDog's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
Posts: 464
Re: Side-job money

Originally Posted by FlaviusMaximus View Post
My wife and I have a long-standing disagreement on side-money. I do really well with my day job; we arenít struggling and have average bills like most folks. We commingle our paychecks (she does the bills as sheís much better at it).

Occasionally on my free time Iíll do some side work, on average maybe 3-5 thousand worth a year, but small amounts at a time. She really gets upset with me because I see this as my money to do with, as I like. The truth is she has talents and could do the same but chooses not to (completely up to her). A lot of times Iíll use the money to pay off something thatís irritating me or use it to further the side-career Iím working on. She recently implied she might leave if I didnít hand over the extra money, which I thought was totally out of line. I told her Iíd rather just stop doing the side work. Anyway, thatís where weíre at. Iím just curious as to other peopleís thoughts, ideas, strategies, etc.
The way it would work for my marriage - and a previous SO relationship - since the side job removes me from my spouse but is interesting to me, SHE is the one who is giving something up. Therefore, it seems completely reasonable for me to hand the bucks over to her - hopefully she'll use it to hire some contractors or whatever to do work she is presently doing, thus freeing up time for us to be together more.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
DustyDog is offline  
post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:56 PM
ChipperE's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 108
Re: Side-job money

Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
@FlaviusMaximus--you say that you already make enough money. Have you considered that this isn't actually about the money for her?

You don't NEED to work these extra hours, but you are, and in doing so, you're taking away time from her (and your family, if you have kids). And that money isn't going towards the family or towards shared financial goals, so not only is she (And the family) being set aside for unnecessary labor, she feels like she is being further shut out by you when you don't allow her a say in what happens with that money. So you're taking away time from her, AND your taking away her feeling of equality in the relationship.

As you say, yes, she could do the same as you and do a side gig or two and make some extra scratch. But I would venture a guess that she wouldn't do that, because in her mind, she would be taking away even more time from you and your relationship.

How much time do the two of you spend together, really focused on one another? Do you have regular date nights? Spend time alone together without the kids, that isn't dedicated to chores or the like?
This is the issue! My husband also works side jobs to bring in extra money that we do not need to pay bills. The money often goes to buy "fun" stuff that we wouldn't purchase otherwise. My husband gets excited when he knows he has a job that might bring a couple thousand in and we will discuss what to do with it...put some in savings, I get a new purse, he gets some hunting gear, kids get a new game or something. It's something we look forward to. If he took that time away from us AND also took the money for himself I would feel disrespected.

I would suggest you talking about your side jobs with your wife, letting her know what you expect to make and asking her ideas on what to do with the money. If you need to purchase equipment for the side job (as my husband has to do) just tell her...I need to purchase a new -whatever- with the money from this job but the next job we will have some extra money.
ChipperE is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life moco82 Life After Divorce 120 11-01-2016 09:09 AM
Job search Kbish Considering Divorce or Separation 2 07-12-2016 07:46 PM
What's the worst that could happen dionysos803 Considering Divorce or Separation 17 05-16-2016 03:20 PM
So what is this women making the same as a man doing the same job about? SMG15 The Social Spot 55 04-28-2016 06:09 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome