$225K in debt due to ZERO communication in marriage - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 01:43 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy $225K in debt due to ZERO communication in marriage

Hi all

I've been married for 25 years and H and I have never really had good communication or a healthy relationship. Our home fortunately was paid off with the help of my in laws. In 2009 we got a line of credit of $225K. My husband has always had a drinking problem and can't stay at one job for too long (gets into fights and just quits). Between 2009 - 2013 I fell into depression and was on meds, my husband lost his job, and license from drinking and driving so I was left to pay the bills. I cauldn't do it by myself so i started digging into the credit line, I was also going through depression during this time. My daughter who was 19 at the time took advantage of the money aswell taking my husbands bank card and withdrawing large amounts of cash to blow. I thought i was spending out of control and starting getting anxiety and further depression and further spending. I found out my daughter is taking money aswell and i was completely shocked and devastated, i talked to her and wanted to get to the bottom of why she did this and wanted to help her. I was very leinient and niave towards the damage she had done, worried she was going through depression or would fall into it just like me. I told her she has to start paying it back and i would help her. My mistake was i didn't tell my husband at the time but instead took the blame, i was ashamed of what she did, my husband adored his daughter. i didn't want to hurt him as i was hurting badly myself.

When my husband found out about the debt he was upset and said he will help pay it off, but as months went by he became angry, distant and verbally abusive, (he was physically abusive, in the beginning of our marriage as well). He bought up the debt and treated me badly and asked me WHY HE has to pay it off, that my parents should help me pay it off. After he mentioned this, I decided to take the debt in my own hands, took a second job and tried to work my way to paying it off.

Our already dysfunctinal marriage was at it's peak, i told my husband he needs to move out bc we had other issues too with our son whom my husband was abusive towards. Things got out of hand when i told him to move out, my inlaws got involved, they said he's not moving out that they paid the house off. They took my hung over (drunken) husband to the bank the next day, wiped out the rest of the credit line and moved my husband downstairs in the basement in the same house.

My daughter, and inlaws directly abused me financially, my husband indirectly abused me due to not working and me helplessly paying off bills using the credit line. $225K debt payment is coming out of my paycheck, while hubby has no choice to pay the house bills.

Today my husband lives downstairs and i upstairs with our 2 sons, my daughter moved out as I cannot be around her. I am emotionally unstable, my feelings are numb towards my own children and I absolutely cannot be around my husband, I want out of the marraige, I want to sell this house and get rid of the debt which is hard to pay off. My eldest son is always angry and when his home he spends alot of time in his room. my husband wants to amend things but he refuses to put the money back into the credit line which my in laws took and he still drinks although he has cut down, I think he does drugs aswell but its not confirmed, for sure marajuana. The cops have been to our house numerous times before the separation due to domestic violence. when my children were in elementary I would leave the house in fear of being beaten during my husbands many rages.

what should i do......work keeps me busy

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 04:22 AM
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Re: $225K in debt due to ZERO communication in marriage

You need to approach a Debt Management Counselling service or equivalent to see how you can manage this debt. Is it in your name or your husbands name?
Is the debt secured on the house? If it is then you could let the financial institution foreclose on the house. If you can afford to rent, then move out with your kids, you need to remove them from such an unhealthy family situation also.

I suggest you also see a lawyer specialised in this area and ask them for options in your country.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: $225K in debt due to ZERO communication in marriage

Here's my perception of how it really went down. Your in-laws realized how inept you two were at handling finances and made a generous gift by paying off your house so you'd at least have a roof over your head. But not seeing any merit in what they did rather than giving ya'll the cash, ya'll said, "lets get access to the cash anyway by taking a credit line against the house". The alcoholic you married and your daughter, who is a thief and a fraudster, taking advantage of her drunk daddy, along with your drugster son pissed the money away and now your deeper in shyt than you were before. You and your bunch sounds like these folks who win millions in the lotto and end up broke a few years later.
But back to you problem of how to get back to shore after helping paddle these human parasites to out to the whirlpool. Again, where is the house and how is it titled? If its titled jointly, the financial institution would not have provided a mortgage without your sanction and approval. If the did, an attorney can get you out of your liability. If your husband is the drunken 'ne'er do well' you claim, get rid of him after refinancing the credit line for a longer tern and lower payment. Skim what you can off the top of the refinance and sock it away in a private account before you parasitic and drugster kids can tap into it. Add to it until you have enough to put a down payment on another house, move into it, ditch these parasites and let them fend for themselves.
Who I taught tax law and covered deducting business and personal debts, I always told my class that my definition of a bad debt is loaning money to relatives.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 10:32 AM
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Re: $225K in debt due to ZERO communication in marriage

See a lawyer. Actually, see more than one.

Find out based on the details of your finances and state law what you'd be liable for in the event of a divorce. Chances are, you'd both be liable for a portion of the debt and the court would order the marital home sold to pay it off, with any leftover equity to be divided between you.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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