I've been married for 25 years and H and I have never really had good communication or a healthy relationship. Our home fortunately was paid off with the help of my in laws. In 2009 we got a line of credit of $225K. My husband has always had a drinking problem and can't stay at one job for too long (gets into fights and just quits). Between 2009 - 2013 I fell into depression and was on meds, my husband lost his job, and license from drinking and driving so I was left to pay the bills. I cauldn't do it by myself so i started digging into the credit line, I was also going through depression during this time. My daughter who was 19 at the time took advantage of the money aswell taking my husbands bank card and withdrawing large amounts of cash to blow. I thought i was spending out of control and starting getting anxiety and further depression and further spending. I found out my daughter is taking money aswell and i was completely shocked and devastated, i talked to her and wanted to get to the bottom of why she did this and wanted to help her. I was very leinient and niave towards the damage she had done, worried she was going through depression or would fall into it just like me. I told her she has to start paying it back and i would help her. My mistake was i didn't tell my husband at the time but instead took the blame, i was ashamed of what she did, my husband adored his daughter. i didn't want to hurt him as i was hurting badly myself.
When my husband found out about the debt he was upset and said he will help pay it off, but as months went by he became angry, distant and verbally abusive, (he was physically abusive, in the beginning of our marriage as well). He bought up the debt and treated me badly and asked me WHY HE has to pay it off, that my parents should help me pay it off. After he mentioned this, I decided to take the debt in my own hands, took a second job and tried to work my way to paying it off.
Our already dysfunctinal marriage was at it's peak, i told my husband he needs to move out bc we had other issues too with our son whom my husband was abusive towards. Things got out of hand when i told him to move out, my inlaws got involved, they said he's not moving out that they paid the house off. They took my hung over (drunken) husband to the bank the next day, wiped out the rest of the credit line and moved my husband downstairs in the basement in the same house.
My daughter, and inlaws directly abused me financially, my husband indirectly abused me due to not working and me helplessly paying off bills using the credit line. $225K debt payment is coming out of my paycheck, while hubby has no choice to pay the house bills.
Today my husband lives downstairs and i upstairs with our 2 sons, my daughter moved out as I cannot be around her. I am emotionally unstable, my feelings are numb towards my own children and I absolutely cannot be around my husband, I want out of the marraige, I want to sell this house and get rid of the debt which is hard to pay off. My eldest son is always angry and when his home he spends alot of time in his room. my husband wants to amend things but he refuses to put the money back into the credit line which my in laws took and he still drinks although he has cut down, I think he does drugs aswell but its not confirmed, for sure marajuana. The cops have been to our house numerous times before the separation due to domestic violence. when my children were in elementary I would leave the house in fear of being beaten during my husbands many rages.
what should i do......work keeps me busy