How to get wife to go along with budget... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

For people who do not get budgets, there is a very good book. It explains a lot of things about saving in a way that might make more sense to your wife. I suggest that you both read it.

Smart Couples Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner Paperback by David Bach

Ramsey is very good. But for some people, it's too complicated. They need a simpler framework to pin their financial plan on.

Does your current plan allow each of you discressionary money each month that each of you can spend as you please?

Basically:

Put 10% (or more if you can) a month into savings, 401k's, etc. (pay yourself first)

Pay the bills.

Then with any money left over each of you get split it 50% for each of you to spend as you each please. What might be bothering your wife is more that she feels like you are trying to control her. Each of you having $$ every month that you don't have to answer to the other for, it might take away her feeling that you are trying to control her.

If she is the one who spends on kids things/activities another spit that might work is 33% for you, 33% for her + 33% for the kids. (or some mix like that).

The basic expenditures on the children should be out of your normal bill money... child care, basic clothing, school supplies, activities like sports.


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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Getting her to use a budget is going to be a hard sell now because you made the mistake of letting be a SAHM. She's going to think you have plenty of money but just won't let her spend it. I think the only way out of this is to show her that you really messed up when she was a SAHM and would never be able to save for retirement or for college for the kids. The first thing that you need to do is make her go back to work full time and show her where her piece of her income will fit in the budget and how you will work toward saving for the future. If you don't do that she'll just go back to being a SAHM with no budget.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 05:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
For people who do not get budgets, there is a very good book. It explains a lot of things about saving in a way that might make more sense to your wife. I suggest that you both read it.

Smart Couples Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner Paperback by David Bach

Ramsey is very good. But for some people, it's too complicated. They need a simpler framework to pin their financial plan on.

Does your current plan allow each of you discressionary money each month that each of you can spend as you please?

Basically:

Put 10% (or more if you can) a month into savings, 401k's, etc. (pay yourself first)

Pay the bills.

Then with any money left over each of you get split it 50% for each of you to spend as you each please. What might be bothering your wife is more that she feels like you are trying to control her. Each of you having $$ every month that you don't have to answer to the other for, it might take away her feeling that you are trying to control her.

If she is the one who spends on kids things/activities another spit that might work is 33% for you, 33% for her + 33% for the kids. (or some mix like that).

The basic expenditures on the children should be out of your normal bill money... child care, basic clothing, school supplies, activities like sports.
She's mentioned that she doesn't like Ramsey because he says you need to put every extra penny towards debt in his second step and he also says no vacations while in the second step. When we have talked before, we both know that eating out is something we need to cut back on. However, I am usually gone during the week for work and just want a home cooked meal when I come home. She is the exact opposite.

She has a bachelor's in child development and master's in adult and continuing education. I've stopped complaining about the amount of the debt to her now, I've said that we need to pay it off. Mine have a little under $5,000 left. All bills (car, house, etc) are in my name because she had to declare bankruptcy a few years ago to get out from under a house she bought before we got married.
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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 07:09 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Read this together: First comes Love then comes money Bethany and Scott Palmer. was library book. Take control of it. I put my head in the sand trying for ten years to budget, cut, and save six months of salary. Well ten years past. We are broke, no savings. We are divorcing, and I got hardly anyfood in my fridge. Wife and I are living together until divorce is final. I have to get donations from Catholic charities for rent, security deposit, and application fee, and moving expenses otherwise I am homeless. SAVE MONEY ASAP SO YOU HAVE PROTECTION FOR HER AND YOU. HAVE SIX MONTHS SALARY OR MORE PUT AWAY. I AM SO ANGRY AND SICK, SICK THAT WE, ESPECIALLY ME THAT I AM IN THIS POSITION. MAKES ME ANGRY THINKING ABOUT IT. IF YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE SEE A COUNSELOR AND RESCUE IT. YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE CHARGE FOR NOW. GIVE WIFE A ALLOWANCE. MOVE CASH AND PAY TO AN ACCOUNT THAT SHE CAN'T GET TO. DEPOSIT THE MONEY YOU NEED FOR HER TO SPEND ON GROCERIES, SUNDRIES, SPA TREATMENTS, AND CLOTHES ALLOWANCE, AND KIDS. BUT PAY YOUR FIRST AND PUT MONEY AWAY. IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP TANKS YOU WANT TO HAVE A SAFETY NET FOR YOU BOTH. IT IS THE LOVING THING TO DO. IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS A SUCCESS YOU HAVE A SAFETY NET FOR LOSING A JOB. MY UNEMPLOYMENT RAN OUT. I WORKING TEMP AND SO UNDEREMPLOYED BY $28,000. IT IS SO DEPRESSING TO WORK FOR $14.00 AN HOUR WHEN YOU HOUSEHOLD NEEDS $4800 PER MONTH. THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE SAVINGS OR DATE MONEY TO ROMANCE YOUR WIFE.
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 11:05 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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She's mentioned that she doesn't like Ramsey because he says you need to put every extra penny towards debt in his second step and he also says no vacations while in the second step.
The method used in "Smart Couples Finish Rich" is a lot easier to follow. In the book, he does not talk about dividing what is left over after saving and paying bills. But it if you do that, then you each have the same amount and she can feel like she it not under your thumb financially.

The Smart book talks about the idea of putting all things like vacations, entertainment, etc on hold until your bills are paid off. The book warns to not do that. I think this is wise because when the budget is that tight, most people end up breaking it.

It's like being on a diet and never being able to eat anything sweet again. Eventually the cravings will drive you nuts.

There needs to be some slack. I'm not saying to blow money, but there has to be some enjoyment in life too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZDog377 View Post
She's mentioned that she doesn't like Ramsey because he says you need to put every extra penny towards debt in his second step and he also says no vacations while in the second step. When we have talked before, we both know that eating out is something we need to cut back on. However, I am usually gone during the week for work and just want a home cooked meal when I come home. She is the exact opposite.
How many hours a week does your wife work? It's pretty typical for a SAH to want to get out of the house on weekends and for a working spouse to want to veg at home on weekends. So compromise is in order.

So compromise. Do you eat out for every meal on weekends or only dinner?

How about having a home cooked meal early in the day. But then you go out for desert and coffee? Or appetizers? Or share a meal when you go out?

Or find coupons and specials. Try groupon.com for something

Here's www.restrauant.com, just enter your zip code to see what's in your area.

Quote:
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She has a bachelor's in child development and master's in adult and continuing education. I've stopped complaining about the amount of the debt to her now, I've said that we need to pay it off. Mine have a little under $5,000 left. All bills (car, house, etc) are in my name because she had to declare bankruptcy a few years ago to get out from under a house she bought before we got married.

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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-15-2017, 11:14 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

I am just going to throw my plug for YNAB.com (You Need A Budget). I think it's easier to use because you can keep track of your spending as you go by using an app on your phone. It's also easier to set up. It kind of tricks you into saving money. The goal is to be paying next months bills with this months paycheck. Every dollar has to have a job. And if you have extra money this month, you can put it into next months budget.

Not for everyone, but totally works for me.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
The method used in "Smart Couples Finish Rich" is a lot easier to follow. In the book, he does not talk about dividing what is left over after saving and paying bills. But it if you do that, then you each have the same amount and she can feel like she it not under your thumb financially.

The Smart book talks about the idea of putting all things like vacations, entertainment, etc on hold until your bills are paid off. The book warns to not do that. I think this is wise because when the budget is that tight, most people end up breaking it.

It's like being on a diet and never being able to eat anything sweet again. Eventually the cravings will drive you nuts.

There needs to be some slack. I'm not saying to blow money, but there has to be some enjoyment in life too.



How many hours a week does your wife work? It's pretty typical for a SAH to want to get out of the house on weekends and for a working spouse to want to veg at home on weekends. So compromise is in order.

So compromise. Do you eat out for every meal on weekends or only dinner?

How about having a home cooked meal early in the day. But then you go out for desert and coffee? Or appetizers? Or share a meal when you go out?

Or find coupons and specials. Try groupon.com for something

Here's www.restrauant.com, just enter your zip code to see what's in your area.
Right now she is working four hours a week. She is picking up some cases here and there that give her 15 hours a piece but they are one week and done.

The three kids right now make eating out complicated. It's almost $50 with tip when all of us go.
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Then don't go out to eat. Problem solved. Eating out is a huge money pit.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 10:55 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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Right now she is working four hours a week. She is picking up some cases here and there that give her 15 hours a piece but they are one week and done.

The three kids right now make eating out complicated. It's almost $50 with tip when all of us go.
Get coupons/discounts to help with eating out as I suggested earlier.

How often do you and your wife go out alone, just the two of you, without the children?

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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 11:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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Get coupons/discounts to help with eating out as I suggested earlier.

How often do you and your wife go out alone, just the two of you, without the children?
Just us without anybody even friends, probably once a month if that. We will sometimes go out with friends to a local diner after the younger two are in bed but that's maybe twice a month. Every other time at least one of the kids is with us.

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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 11:22 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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Just us without anybody even friends, probably once a month if that. We will sometimes go out with friends to a local diner after the younger two are in bed but that's maybe twice a month. Every other time at least one of the kids is with us.
This could be part of the problem. From said, it sounds like there is a bit of underlying problems between you and your wife. Not spending enough quality time together, just the two of you is often a large part of what cases that.

Have you and your wife read the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"?

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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 11:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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This could be part of the problem. From said, it sounds like there is a bit of underlying problems between you and your wife. Not spending enough quality time together, just the two of you is often a large part of what cases that.

Have you and your wife read the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"?
No, we have only done the Love Languages book.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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No, we have only done the Love Languages book.
The two books I mentioned are far more in depth than the Love Languages book. I think that you two would benefit a lot by reading them and doing the work that they suggest.

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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

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All but one of our debts is manageable, she has over $160,000 in student loans currently.
And she's working only PART TIME ...?!?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: How to get wife to go along with budget...

Doesn't sound like very much has changed -- at least as it relates to finances in general and her student debt in particular -- since your thread in SIM.
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