need financial advice..husband is greedy - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 05:09 AM Thread Starter
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need financial advice..husband is greedy

To explain our situation, been married for 24 yrs, we each have our own checking and savings accounts at two separate banks (my accounts at bank A, his accounts at bank B)...there is no joint account between us. We had our accounts at these banks when we met, so never changed anything.

Husband has a good job, and several thousand $ in his savings, I am on disability and my income is a 1/3 of his annual income. I have very little in savings, due to my income. The only debt we have is paying for our own vehicles and monthly household expenses, which each of us pay half of each bill per month.

He wanted to buy a camper for $10K a few years ago, fine with me. He paid for it from his savings account. NOW comes the scenario...we receive approx. $3k-$4k in tax refunds each year. HE thinks I should give him ALL of the tax refund to put back into HIS savings account until the camper is paid for in full of the purchase price of $10K.

I say NO I should give him HALF of the total purchase price for my half ownership of the camper. IF I give him the total of $10K to replenish HIS savings account, then isn't he getting HIS half of the camper for free?

When this happens I am getting none of the tax refund because it is all going into his savings account that I do not have access to. No wonder I do not have any savings to speak of....he is making me give him the entire tax refund.

Please tell me if I am right or wrong, would like your opinions. He is very head strong and gets PO'd when he does not get his way. What should I do? When I try to talk to him about this he gets mad and then I get the silent treatment for 2 days. He will not sit down to talk anything out.

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 06:02 AM
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Cool Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

@lavendar ~ Provided that the two of you file "Married Filing Separate" would that rationale of his hold any water.

If you file the much more tax advantageous "Married Filing Jointly," which I highly suspect that you do, then the tax refund check should be equally split between the two of you! Both of you would have to endorse the check, cashing it, with him giving you half; or by having the check direct-deposited into a joint bank account!

For him to exercise the course of action that he does, IMHO, is chronically disrespectful as well as a self-placating slap in the face!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 02-25-2017 at 06:18 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 06:05 AM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

Assuming you normally split the tax returns 50-50 between you two, you would only pay 5k if your H transfers 10k of the returns because his half (5k) would be included in the 10k.

If it's basically just you getting the tax returns then you would just have to pay him 5k.

But it seems that there are deeper problems in your M and your financial arrangements.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 06:10 AM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

Did you agree prior to buying the camper that you would pay for half of it? If not, since he wanted it, seems like he should be the one who pays for it.

IMHO, your last paragraph tells me you have bigger problems than just money. Your husband sounds like a sulky child. Silent treatment for 2 days because he didn't get his way? Sounds passive aggressive to me. I lived with one of those for many years. Never again.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 06:48 AM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

This is a ridiculous scenario,are you married to each other or just in a business relationship.If he is this mean over money now,how much worse will it get as you get older.You have no idea what he does with his money and having to pay half of everything with one third of his income is ridiculous.Tell him(do not ask) that going forward you will be paying a percentage of expenses in relation to both your incomes,i.e. you will pay one third and he pays the rest.This getting pissed off is a form of bullying and him giving you the silent treatment is passive aggressiveness at its worse.
Also give him none of the tax return until he agrees to couples counselling because he needs to see you as his wife and partner not as someone to subsidise his lifestyle.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 07:53 AM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

This sounds ridiculous. As soon as you are married your finances pool. Maybe not literally into the bank account but you become a unit. You are living (financially, maybe in other ways as well) like roommates. Your debts are his debts, and his are yours. What you've earned together is your money together. The only reason I can see him keeping the finances so separate are:

A) You are terrible with money and would blow it all.

B) He doesn't plan on being married to you forever. In which case, you need to protect yourself from ending up without a dollar to your name. There are ways to hide assets in a divorce.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 09:03 AM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

If you're making a lot less and still split expenses 50 50 that's what should concern you, not the RV...
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 02:26 PM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

The only reason you're getting a tax refund is because one or both of you is having WAY too much income tax withheld from your paychecks.

If you're the only who hasn't claimed enough exemptions, then you should get most of the refund.

If he's the only who hasn't claimed enough exemptions, then it's his money that caused the tax overpayment and he should get most of it back.

This is just one reason why financial advisors would tell you to fix this tax problem so you don't get such a big refund every year.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 02:49 PM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

I always thought that marriage meant that terms his and yours are replaced with ours. I always thought that when I got married I would be able to trust my wife enough so that we could have a joint checking/saving account. That turned out to be plain stupidity. I put my money and saving into the account and days later it was ALL gone. I quickly learned that if were were to have ANY savings, I would have to do it. So, I opened my own account at another bank. I was quickly called a controlling son of a *****. Fine, call me all the names you want but I'm sure as hell not going bankrupt. I wonder if these dynamics are present in the OP's marriage??

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

When you get the passive aggressive silent treatment tell your H to go sleep in the camp.

The return should be split. Second, as someone pointed out...there is to much tax taken every paycheck. Have that changed. Why give the government a free loan of your money?

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:51 PM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

That $67.00 extra you pay Uncle Sam every week would probably fill both your gas tanks for the week, or the $268 extra you pay per month would make that camper payment. The goal should be zero refund every year.

I have no idea how a couple can be married for 24 years and never combine finances, each to their own I guess. In your situation I say you get back what you over paid, and in the future file separately.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:37 PM
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Re: need financial advice..husband is greedy

I think that lavendar started this thread and the left TAM. She has not replied to anyone and is not participating in her thread.

lavender, if you want to continue this discussion, please participate.

I'm closing the thread for now and if you want it re-opened just PM me or another moderator.
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