Bitter and resentful - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

From your post it sounds like you're a sperm donor, a wallet, a maid, a cook, a punching bag, and a carpet. Your wife sounds like a mistake you regret making.

It's true that we teach people how to treat us. It's not too late to change your attitude, but know that if you do this, it's going to require persistence and giant, brass balls you currently don't have. Hence all the good reading material that's been recommended.

I'm going to speak in very detached generalizations for a moment. Your wife has no respect for you, BECAUSE you never stood up to her all those years. Women like your wife need a man at least as strong as she is stubborn and defiant. Instead, she got a yes man who is afraid of her and her power over just about everything, and now you are where you are. Your wife is plenty to blame here (I think she's appallingly disrespectful) but so are you. You let yourself and your kids down. It's time to be kinder to yourself.

Why is your daughter so high anxiety? I understand your desire to not disturb her world, but her world is disturbed already by watching and learning from two parents that do not love and respect each other. That's what she is learning to be normal and acceptable for a marriage. Mothers can treat fathers with disrespect and it's OK. Fathers shouldn't and won't defend themselves. It might be making her sad that you don't defend yourself, and she looks on and absorbs it. Children can and do feel the tension when things aren't peachy. Even if she may seem wildly different in personality now, make no mistake that some day she will become like your wife, unless you intervene.

Instead of working around your daughter's anxiety, I'd suggest you work through it, with the assistance of professional help. That will be more valuable to her in the long run than keeping her and yourself in an unhappy household. Getting our world rocked is a necessary part of life. You can't spare your daughter from reality all the time. If life decides to rock her world, better you be there to guide her through it, but the truth is that you won't always be. Teach her to work through this now, with a therapist, and she'll always have the tools to soothe herself and maintain resilience in the future.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow

Last edited by Satya; 03-03-2017 at 10:47 PM.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:54 PM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
You need to read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". Seriously.
This.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

Are you familiar with a author and speaker David Ramsey? Sell the house! Get a smaller one. Cut up the credit cards. Otherwise you will drop dead of stress and your wife will find another sucker to give just enough sex to so they will start paying the bills.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

From what you described your wife is a horrible human being. Now in reality I seriously doubt you would have married a horrible human being so I'm pretty sure there's another side to this story. Either way, have you told her that if she doesn't get her stuff together and start helping out more that you will leave. I understand about talking about budgets and arguments. I have the exact same problem and unfortunately the level of resentment I feel because of our financial situation is extreme. I literally stopped looking at bank and credit card statements because I get so angry and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it short of leaving and then being even worse off. It's hard to really put your all into somebody who you view as the sole cause of you never being able to reach the financial goals you hoped and dreamed for. I'm getting pissed off just writing this. Ughh. If I could do this all over again things would have been a lot different.
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 11:54 AM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

I don't see your wife a horrible human being. You were just too soft and she become entitled. This is manageable.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Bitter and resentful

These kinds of posts make me so angry, I swear.... entitle princess women who take and take like this. I am single and struggle day to day, paycheck to paycheck, I have for my entire adult life. There is no way in hell someone making $180K a year should be struggling. Time to put your foot down, hard. Stop ASKING her if you can sell the damn house, TELL HER the house will be put up for sale. Limit or eliminate her access to the bank accounts. Unless you have small children at home all day, time for her to get to work full time to help pay down the debt. Your spouse is supposed to be your PARTNER, not your child.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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