Re: Bitter and resentful
From your post it sounds like you're a sperm donor, a wallet, a maid, a cook, a punching bag, and a carpet. Your wife sounds like a mistake you regret making.
It's true that we teach people how to treat us. It's not too late to change your attitude, but know that if you do this, it's going to require persistence and giant, brass balls you currently don't have. Hence all the good reading material that's been recommended.
I'm going to speak in very detached generalizations for a moment. Your wife has no respect for you, BECAUSE you never stood up to her all those years. Women like your wife need a man at least as strong as she is stubborn and defiant. Instead, she got a yes man who is afraid of her and her power over just about everything, and now you are where you are. Your wife is plenty to blame here (I think she's appallingly disrespectful) but so are you. You let yourself and your kids down. It's time to be kinder to yourself.
Why is your daughter so high anxiety? I understand your desire to not disturb her world, but her world is disturbed already by watching and learning from two parents that do not love and respect each other. That's what she is learning to be normal and acceptable for a marriage. Mothers can treat fathers with disrespect and it's OK. Fathers shouldn't and won't defend themselves. It might be making her sad that you don't defend yourself, and she looks on and absorbs it. Children can and do feel the tension when things aren't peachy. Even if she may seem wildly different in personality now, make no mistake that some day she will become like your wife, unless you intervene.
Instead of working around your daughter's anxiety, I'd suggest you work through it, with the assistance of professional help. That will be more valuable to her in the long run than keeping her and yourself in an unhappy household. Getting our world rocked is a necessary part of life. You can't spare your daughter from reality all the time. If life decides to rock her world, better you be there to guide her through it, but the truth is that you won't always be. Teach her to work through this now, with a therapist, and she'll always have the tools to soothe herself and maintain resilience in the future.
"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."
~ Abraham Maslow
Last edited by Satya; 03-03-2017 at 10:47 PM.