Bitter and resentful
I have been married for 20 years, two adorable children (13 and 9). Over the past two years, I have become resentful and bitter toward my wife about money and other things.
About 8 years ago, before my youngest was born, my wife wanted to move to a different expensive neighborhood. The key was to be in a good public school district. We were both working at that time. We had looked at many houses just before my son was born, some I liked, but she didn't. She wanted this particular house, that was more than our budget, and kind of talked me into that everything would be fine, as she would increase her hours to help out. I voiced my concerns that I didn't want to be a slave to a mortwgage, and want to be able to sleep at night. She was working for her father. Within a couple of months of moving in, her father died... and so did her job. I was making good money, and have increased it since the move. For 7 years, I kept up with the larger mortgage. I had to stop my 401k contributions in order to pay for everything (housing, bills, property tax, groceries, car payments etc). So my retirement funds are low, just for the sake of the house payments.
My wife didn't get a job until last year, and it is a small part-time from home, which was fine initially, but she seems to have lower and lower amounts every month and doesn't really help. Any time I want to talk about money or budget she would roll her eyes, or get frustrated and usually ends up in an argument. She told me I should get a new job to make more money. We also have credit card debt because she can't seem to understand a budget. I attempted giving her own spending money ($200) every week to keep on a budget, but within the first day or so, it would be gone.
On top of that, I do most things around the house, cooking for the family every night (she says she hates to cook), grocery shopping, mainly the one making lunches for kids, dishes, cleaning, trash etc. She would say she does the laundry, but once it comes out of the dryer, I can sit for days before it gets folded, so I end up doing that too.
Sex life is pretty non-existent, and she expects me to initiate every time. Even though she is affectionate outside of the bedroom. I know she loves me a lot, but she seems to ignore the amount of stress on me, and doesn't seemingly want to help out. She essentially wants to put her head in the sand, and let me take care of it.
I brought a lot of this stuff up recently, and she was surprised on how I felt, while some minor things have changed, it still the same. Even if we fixed everything, I don't know if I can get over my resentment and bitterness that I have that I make around $180k a year, and can't enjoy it, and do most of the chores.
I don't go out, or spend anything on myself, I have no life other than trying to keep a roof over my families head. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I now keep my head down to avoid arguments, and her making me feel like crap because I don't make as much as others in our neighborhood and don't provide her many vacations. When she wants to go away, she wouldn't want to go for anything cheap (must be five-star all the way).
Thoughts? thank you for listening.