Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
You are thought full and make a lot of sense. What matters the most in marriage is of course that you and your spouse are on the same page, love each other and treat each other well.
When it comes to money we plan as best we can. But sometimes life gets in the way. You are wise to at least try to start on the best foot as possible. You are also wise to discuss finances BEFORE marriage and share each other's financial information before. There have been several threads here about people who got married who did not discuss finances ahead of time. They later find out that their spouse does not agree with their view on finances, one of them spends like crazy. Some have even found out that their new spouse has brought tens of thousands of debt into the marriage and did not even disclose it ahead of time.
I'm sorry spk. My husband who was also abusive forced a house on me. Also he wanted me to take a regular job part-time so I could be home for the kids' before and after school, instead of working from home as usual doing my consulting for an ivy league university. I think the issue was that he did not want me to have free time at home or to have an irregular schedule because he was cheating on me. He was very very close with his money, and his house, and used it against me even after I took a job that had a steady paycheck like he wanted me to, because he was risk-averse.
I would rather live in a yurt and have a faithful husband. When I hear men talking about money and women and affordability, I just blow a fuse. My H used to spend money on me taking me out to dinner or buying me flowers and even got me a couple rings he made a big deal out of even though they were blood diamonds, against my values, along with fancy food. I'm a Quaker. So not into that and told him so. But still he treated me like I valued all that, and used guilt to make me act like I was grateful for what he said he sacrificed for me, even though I never wanted it.
I think you'll be a good provider. But also I think you would do very well to take advice from my grandmother. Live very frugally and very basic. Do not show your money when you're dating. Only spend when dating what you will be able to afford when you are married. That way you attract someone who loves you for you. All of you, even the financially prudent you, which I do think is endearing.
I am from NH and here we tend to live very simply. I can live on 2K a month and not want for anything. Even feel wealthy because of the lifestyle here. There is low crime, there is low traffic, there is fresh food and sidewalks and open space. The public schools are nice, no metal detectors. You run into friends and friends of friends just about everywhere. The kids play outdoors, even sled down the street when it snows. People go camping on vacation, for a whole week maybe it's $200.
I always feel sheepish sometimes because I'm a programmer-analyst with an ivy league degree, I speak/read/write 3 languages and speak another one. I work from home, no day care. Also I have a scholarship to a college here, full-time. I don't have to work much, and what I do, I really like.
It makes me feel very sad to hear people talk about affording to get married. I wonder what kind of lives people live in other places, where they end up thinking this way? I know from my travels that I come from an unusual place, and that the lifestyle in other places is very different, competitive and isolated even though people live on top of one another.
I hope you will find someone to love and who loves you too.
That will be the real treasure, but honestly, if you like to have nice things, and a nice home, with pleasant and loving family, I don't see why you can't have all that. Just be careful. But don't let all the worries and contingencies keep you from knowing your heart.
When I was working at an obvious professional job where I couldn't hide my salary, had an office, my own hours, etc. I had the unpleasant experience of someone using me for my money. I put a stop to it. But I could tell I was an 'investment' and so I broke it off with the guy. I saw it from that side...and trust me, there are a lot of women who get in the same situation as you. It's not just a guy thing.
It makes me feel very sad to hear people talk about affording to get married. I wonder what kind of lives people live in other places, where they end up thinking this way? I know from my travels that I come from an unusual place, and that the lifestyle in other places is very different, competitive,
Your lifestyle sounds very nice. But in some places itís not so easy to live frugally.
One of my brothers lives in the Los Angeles area. He is renting a 2 bedroom apartment. Itís not fancyÖ sort of run-of-the mill. Here in Albuquerque it would rent for about $700 a month.
He pays $1595 for it. Two bedroom Apartments in the same area that are really nice with a lot of things like a workout room, pool, etc run over $2K a month. His wife (they are getting a divorce) is renting a nice 1 bedroom for $1500 a month.
I do not get how people are making it at all in some areas of the country.
Thanks for the reply. I feel more comfortable with numbers. According to my numbers, I'm putting myself in debt $25,000 per year at my current salary if I want to get married and have a kid. That means $100,000 debt in 4 years. That may very well mean having to sell our house and move into a crampt tiny apartment. Although $55,000 may be a measly salary by most people's standards, I feel I've worked too hard to live the rest of my life in poverty.
As of now, I am single and have no financial worries because of my low cost of living. If I lose my job for whatever reason, I know I have 4 years living expenses in the bank and will have no need to panic.
Will I need to say good-bye to my sense of financial security if I ever get married? Is it common for the husband to pay 100% of the finances? Do many wives hold jobs that contribute to the family finances?
Are my estimates of raising a kid wrong? Are my expectations of a wife's ZERO earning potential wrong?
First of all, I get that income levels tend to fluctuate with the cost of living in the surrounding area. So while some folks here are saying "can you make more money" I know the answer is "depends on where you live (in large part)".
If you are paying all your expenses on $1,250 per month (I'm assuming the $15k per year includes rent and utilities, food, basic transportation) then you most likely live in a low-cost area, and your salary is pretty good. You would have to make $75k - $80k in most parts of So Cal to live as nice a lifestyle.
Agree you are double counting lots of expenses. How, as was mentioned earlier, are you figuring that a lady is going to add $20k a year in expenses? If you are talking strictly about a wife (no children yet), your additional expenses will be fairly small. Even if you marry someone making a minimum wage, your lifestyle should improve in marriage.
Even if you have a child, you do not NEED a house - it is a luxury. If you have a SAHM because your wife does not make much, you will not need day care (the SAHM will cover that) nor will you need expensive formula (SAHM can breastfeed). Your extra expenses for raising a child will not be near $15k per year.
So, yes you can afford to have a wife and child on your salary. You will have to budget and watch your expenditures, but that is reality for most people. You are frugal, but if your wife has high expectations (a house, pre-school, big family) but no income then you will have problems. However, it is completely reasonable to expect that the solution would be to spend less (something you can control) rather than make more money (which means depending on someone else to pay you more).
A bigger-picture question: what do you want? Unless you are underpaid for your job role, earning more is likely to mean putting in more hours at work or changing your career. Would you be happy doing that? Would you be happy with a woman who expects a nice (rather than simply ok) material lifestyle; sounds like you are frugal by nature so it's a fair question to ask.
You seem to be thinking about this in the wrong order. By this I mean you seem to be asking what do you have to do to get a woman. You should be settled on what kind of life you want and then inviting a woman into that life.
If you talking about a CPA license, then I am assuming you are an accountant of some kind. If so, you are correct that your prospects without a CPA license are limited. An MBA is more well suited to financial planning and analysis type work, systems analysis, and other business functions.
Essentially, at this income level you can have the quiet life with a SAHM, or you could find a career woman and live a little more upscale. It really depends on what you want. And, in your early 30s, you still have plenty of time to have a family.
Personally, I would be very hesitant in marrying someone who made a high level of financial success a requirement for her husband. You work hard and can provide a comfortable life as you are now; beyond that point, more money says nothing about what kind of father and husband you will be.
My earning potential went down once the recession hit.
I returned to college to gain some new skills.
So does this mean my husband should have left me, just because I could no longer make a livable salary with what I was doing? I went from being worth 35K to 22K. I am working on it, but it will take time.
I am not the type of woman who would be happy with making practically nothing for the rest of my life.
I think you have to be careful about what you wish for also. As the person with the higher earning potential, I expect my husband to make personal and career scarifices. This could mean relocating for her job, quitting your job, and finding a new job in this economy. If you marry someone who could potentially make more than you, are you willing to relocate? Are you willing to stay home and care for the children? You can't expect a career-driven woman to drop everything to be your wife.
Income before taxes: $55,000
Income after taxes: $40,000
My annual living expenses: $15,000
Her annual living expenses: $20,000
Added annual expenses as a home buyer: $15,000
Annual costs of raising a child: $15,000
Annual disposable income and savings: -$25,000
If I get married, I will be $25,000 in the hole every year unless:
1. I increase my annual income by at least $25,000
2. She is able to earn that $25,000 plus child daycare costs
Should I be drawn to the conclusion that my annual salary is too low to ever consider marriage, or should I expect any potential wife to hold a job? Do most married men make at least $80,000 annually? From what I recall, the average annual income for a peson in Texas is $40,000. Should I reconsider my career for one with more earning potential if I ever consider getting married?
I can tell you, it sure as heck does not have to cost $15,000 a year to raise a child, I have 6 and we have managed to become debt free , own a large Farmhouse, many acres, a large garage and all of our cars (older) with my husband making less than $51,000 a year for the last 14 yrs of our marriage, and I have only held very small side jobs (only making about $3,000 a year or less).
I understand the cost of living is differnt everywhere, where we live it is lower than most places in the country, just a hick town, we even have the AMISH as neigbors in our area.
We saved when we dated so when we got our 1st house, we had $15,000 to put down on it. Always have something to fall back on, and learn to be frugal, most especially if you are having trouble with a budget. Everything does not have to be bought brand new, or nor do we NEED everything we "want". Some things we can "wait" for.
Depends on what you want out of life. Do you enjoy your job? IS there potential to move up?
Me & my husband wanted to get married, it was very important to us, it would not have mattered where he was working, just that he WAS working. He worked in a lowly Grocery Store when we married, but I got pregnant quickly after so we decided it would be best to stay home..... when 2 are on the same page, sacrificing for your shared goals & dreams, you can manage to live within your budget, if the WILL is strong enough. Financial discipline is absolutely huge though. Or it will cause horrible fights, even wreck a marraige.
I feel a Good Health care plan is very important in any financial plan, as without that, anything you have saved can go up in smoke even over a hospital stay....something to figure in with your estimating.
A husband & wife can always clip coupons for Food, buy (BOGO) deals, buy generics at lower cost Grocery Stores, buy clothes at consignment shops, take advantage of yard sales, only buy on sale , when eating out -use restaurant coupons, get water instead of pop... and get your debt down while dating.
Trying to pay for Rent and a mortgage with DEBT would have been impossible for us, so we never had any debt except our mortgage. This will help you afford many things you may feel you can't even.
Strive to destroy any debt before getting married and build a nice savings -while you are looking for Mrs. Right.
By the way, I do not think 55k is 'measly' despite my original post. I know many people who refer to their outrageously impressive accomplishments and I have always suspected they were exaggerating. Comments in this thread support my belief.
I would say that $55k is pretty comfortable for most areas. Certainly middle class, especially if you're not living an extravagant lifestyle.
And just as an aside, I'd point out that it's a safe bet that most of the folks that have responded are a few years ahead of you. I myself am 6-7 years older and have been working more or less in my field for 15 years. But $55k is about what I was making at 31 with a masters degree. Time and experience are a wonderful thing for that salary bottom line!
I am your age, and we have our first kid already. My wife and I make less than what you make combined. We don't get to do everything we would like, but we are more or less fine. Don't overthink the numbers - it sounds like you will be fine. The real question is, can you afford to get divorced?
My husband does not make a 6 figure income. We are a family of 5 and I'm a SAHM. Last year was rough since we were paying $2,000 a month out of pocket for health insurance. That was $600 more a month then our house payment. We were behind every month basically paying 2 mortgages. This year should be better, hopefully. We make a lot of sacrifices, but it's worth it. We try to live as frugal as possible! I'm disabled and unable to work and I can not collect disability.
My husband and I have a beautiful relationship. We have a very special and strong bond to each otter. I couldn't imagine life any other way. Posted via Mobile Device