Re: Can I afford to get married?
I think that you may be making a few errors in your estimations. The first one I see is that you seem to be double counting a lot of living expenses. I'm assuming that you are including rent, food, utilities and car expenses in your estimation of living expenses, correct? If you are assuming that a potential spouse has higher living expenses, are you including those same items in that cost? If so, then you're including two rents, two full utilities, double groceries, etc. in that. In addition, if you're including an annual $15k additional expenses for home ownership in addition to the two rental line items, you're way overestimating. Basically it looks as though you've added in two full rents and a house payment when you would only be actually paying out one of those. Moreover, utilities wouldn't double across the board, only increase incrementally for an additional person and slightly larger space. In my house, the weeks that my husband is on call and not at home to eat, my grocery tab is about 75% of what it is when I shop for both of us. Two can't live as cheaply as one, but they can generally live for less than double the cost of one.
Your estimation for a child also looks as though you're assuming that your wife will not work, and yet the child will require full time day care. I'm guessing that the expenses for a child without day are would be about half or less what you're estimating.
I'd also point out that there are a lot of "living expenses" that are flexible. I know that if we ever had to live on just my husband's salary, there would be a huge difference in our grocery habits, grooming, clothing, etc. And frankly, a lot of them would be pretty painless changes, requiring more thought than anything else.
As far as expectations for the financial contributions of each partner go, that's highly individual. I personally don't know ANY stay at home mom's. Almost every one of my female friends earns income that significantly contributes to the household coffers. I earn about the same as my husband, and know that's not uncommon for most of my friends. Others are in professional fields that don't hold the same earning potential as their spouses, but are a long, long way from minimum wage. It's important to remember too that income isn't static. Presumably, as experience, education and seniority kick in, wages increase as well. I've been promoted or changed jobs about every 2 - 3 years and it's never been for a new job that pays less, you know?
I think it's more about finding someone that shares your values about money and homelife. If having someone stay at home with the kids is important, then you should be on the same page about spending, saving, lifestyle, etc. Regardless, those are important things to be in agreement about for a marriage, but once you start adding in kids and stuff, it becomes even more important.