I am so confused right now and upset - Sorry this post will be long
My Husband and I have been married just over a year and have a 6 month old son.
My Husband is 12 years older than me - so when we met he had a great job, was set up financially ect... (or so I thought).
I also did OK for my age (compared to my friends).
We always were 'fine' for money... we would go on holidays, eat out/get take away a lot, lives in a nice area ect...
Anyway, the first issue came about a few months ago... before I met my husband he told me he owned a factory (to store old cars, other boy toys ect) with his father and uncle.
When we moved states we used this factory for storage and my two problems with this were... we were paying a storage fee whilst the other two owners had pretty much 90% of it filled with their stuff AND his uncle complained we were taking up too much room and we had to get rid of it. So I questioned my husband as to why we are paying a storage fee if he owns a third and why we have to move our stuff!
I said to him 'you own a third don't you?!' he replied 'I actually don't know'
This killed me right there and then, not because I care about what he owns but because he is such a smart man professionally and is extremely well educated... but then came this stupidity of 'not knowing' whether you own property or not? They had owned it for about 2 years.. how could you NOT know in that time?!
As I asked more questions/got worked up about it I found out that he wanted to go in with him and they told him it was not beneficial to him and apparently never found out once they bought it whether they included him or not? So he paid them X amount of money per month not knowing if it was going towards a mortgage he would benefit from or just a storage fee.
He could not understand why I would be upset about this!!
He always told me he had huge credit card debt (he said around 20k) and also told me he paid $600 off it a month and had not touched it in ages in an effort to get it down!
I came across his statement last night and the limit on the CC is $34,000 and he owes exactly $34,600. So he has been maxing it out this whole time on GOD knows what... I was under the impression we paid all bills from his savings account.
We don't have a joint account yet... mainly because he 'hasn't got around to it' every couple of months he says he needs to.
So then I did something only a bad wife would do and looked at his savings account statement (as we pretty much end up with $0 the night before payday and I don't know why!!).
He had a mystery $125 going to an account every week! I called him and asked what it was... he said it was to his dad's card.
Now a while ago, he did tell me he used his Dad's credit card to take his sister and him overseas a few years ago and he paid it completely off for her.... but he has told me on several occasions he does NOT owe his dad money and its all fine.
We have also has several conversations before the baby was born about what repayments ect we both have each month and this NEVER came up.
He always tells me to go shopping, get my hair done ect... None of which I feel comfortable with NOT having a job at the moment (He told me to quit to be with the baby because we would be FINE').
I'm just so upset. We are married... We are a family. His debt is my debt.
We are always talking about buying a house, going on holidays, new cars ect.... I have no idea how he has been talking like this is all ok!
I feel like I shouldn't be angry/upset because I have no job at the moment - his money is his money... However, it annoys me because he forces me to go out and spend it and always says 'honey, its OUR money'.
Sorry for the rant
My Husband and I have been married just over a year and have a 6 month old son.
My Husband is 12 years older than me - so when we met he had a great job, was set up financially ect... (or so I thought).
I also did OK for my age (compared to my friends).
We always were 'fine' for money... we would go on holidays, eat out/get take away a lot, lives in a nice area ect...
Anyway, the first issue came about a few months ago... before I met my husband he told me he owned a factory (to store old cars, other boy toys ect) with his father and uncle.
When we moved states we used this factory for storage and my two problems with this were... we were paying a storage fee whilst the other two owners had pretty much 90% of it filled with their stuff AND his uncle complained we were taking up too much room and we had to get rid of it. So I questioned my husband as to why we are paying a storage fee if he owns a third and why we have to move our stuff!
I said to him 'you own a third don't you?!' he replied 'I actually don't know'
This killed me right there and then, not because I care about what he owns but because he is such a smart man professionally and is extremely well educated... but then came this stupidity of 'not knowing' whether you own property or not? They had owned it for about 2 years.. how could you NOT know in that time?!
As I asked more questions/got worked up about it I found out that he wanted to go in with him and they told him it was not beneficial to him and apparently never found out once they bought it whether they included him or not? So he paid them X amount of money per month not knowing if it was going towards a mortgage he would benefit from or just a storage fee.
He could not understand why I would be upset about this!!
He always told me he had huge credit card debt (he said around 20k) and also told me he paid $600 off it a month and had not touched it in ages in an effort to get it down!
I came across his statement last night and the limit on the CC is $34,000 and he owes exactly $34,600. So he has been maxing it out this whole time on GOD knows what... I was under the impression we paid all bills from his savings account.
We don't have a joint account yet... mainly because he 'hasn't got around to it' every couple of months he says he needs to.
So then I did something only a bad wife would do and looked at his savings account statement (as we pretty much end up with $0 the night before payday and I don't know why!!).
He had a mystery $125 going to an account every week! I called him and asked what it was... he said it was to his dad's card.
Now a while ago, he did tell me he used his Dad's credit card to take his sister and him overseas a few years ago and he paid it completely off for her.... but he has told me on several occasions he does NOT owe his dad money and its all fine.
We have also has several conversations before the baby was born about what repayments ect we both have each month and this NEVER came up.
He always tells me to go shopping, get my hair done ect... None of which I feel comfortable with NOT having a job at the moment (He told me to quit to be with the baby because we would be FINE').
I'm just so upset. We are married... We are a family. His debt is my debt.
We are always talking about buying a house, going on holidays, new cars ect.... I have no idea how he has been talking like this is all ok!
I feel like I shouldn't be angry/upset because I have no job at the moment - his money is his money... However, it annoys me because he forces me to go out and spend it and always says 'honey, its OUR money'.
Sorry for the rant