Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I know when we got married my money became our money and his money became our money, but what do you do when you make more, but he gets all the pleasures. What I mean by this is....I make about $60,000/yr and he makes $25,000. This isn't a problem when you add the two together, but it seems as though I'm footing all the bills. When we got married we agreed that he would pay daycare and utilities and I would pay the rent, insurances, house hold items, groceries, etc. Originally this worked, but now it seems like I'm footing the bill on everything and he gets to live it up. He talked me into signing for his dream car, "Mustang GT" last yr under the arrangement that we would split the car note since my car was paid for and he needed a car. Now this is not the suggested car for a father of two, but that's a whole different story. Any way, I feel used because I'm paying ALL the bills and he's riding around in a nice car (my car is 9 yrs old and in fairly good condition, but I could really use a new one) that he is also making modifications to. He does pay daycare, but he isn't holding up the agreement on the other bills. I just had a baby three months ago and have been out of work w/o pay so we have been living off our income tax returns. Instead of him putting some to the side, he put most of his in his car and now we are down to $500 in the bank and that's it. I just went back to work so it will be a few weeks before I get paid, but his car note is due, utilities are due, we barely have food in the fridge, and rent is coming up due soon. I just feel used. When we first met, he had me thinking he was hard working and making good money. He was working a ton of overtime, but since we've been married, he no longer does so. I guess because he has a sugar mama (Me) footing his bills. I am so frustrated and wondering if I'm wrong for feeling this way? I think if he wasn't so irresponsible, I wouldn't have a problem, but to see him living the "good life" while I'm pinching pennies trying to make it from check to check, it just doesn't seem fair. Especially when I make more and have nothing to show for it. I guess I'm more so venting, but how do I work out this financial issue?
I make about twice what my husband makes ($57K to $30K) and what we did was three bank accounts--joint and two allowance accounts. The joint is where we deposited our paychecks to pay for bills and then we each got $200 per month each for personal fun stuff. It worked for us. But, I usually do do the writing of the bills and he allowed me to be in charge of the money.
I make about twice what my husband makes ($57K to $30K) and what we did was three bank accounts--joint and two allowance accounts. The joint is where we deposited our paychecks to pay for bills and then we each got $200 per month each for personal fun stuff. It worked for us. But, I usually do do the writing of the bills and he allowed me to be in charge of the money.
I actually think that would be a great idea. I have mentioned us opening a joint account before and he was against it. Said asking me for money would be like a son asking his mom. I think the way you explain it might actually work for us. I'll talk to him about trying that out. Thanks so much.
It is crucial that spouses agree on financial expenditures. If you felt that you could not afford the Mustang, you should have put your foot down and said no way. If he really wanted it, you should have enlisted his help to save up enough to buy it.
Write up a budget of all of your income and your expenses. Get him on board with spending below your means. Caving in to his spending more than you can handle is a recipe for resentment. Your marriage will not survive if you do not agree on financial matters.
it depends on the man but my H had a massive problem with the fact that I earned more than him. Because he was such a spendthrift (example: our DVD player broke down so he went to get a new one - a hundred quid or so? came with an amp and various other geek boy bits of equipment that set me back well over 500) I used to have to try and curb it and he hated that, felt like I was giving him an 'allowance' (isn't that what you do when you have someone with the mindset of a teenager??)
I earn about £60k a year (don't know what the conversion rate is) and yet never had any money because it trickled through his fingers like water
My H and I also have three bank accounts. We have an individual account for weekly money and then a large account for the major bills. We used to fight about who spent too much money and this approach took care of that.
I think you have to stop feeling guilty about saying no to him. If you're not comfortable doing something that he wants you to do then you have to say so.
It is crucial that spouses agree on financial expenditures. If you felt that you could not afford the Mustang, you should have put your foot down and said no way. If he really wanted it, you should have enlisted his help to save up enough to buy it.
Write up a budget of all of your income and your expenses. Get him on board with spending below your means. Caving in to his spending more than you can handle is a recipe for resentment. Your marriage will not survive if you do not agree on financial matters.
I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. I do resent him. I can afford the Mustang. He can't and I get mad knowing that I"m paying for him to live his dream when I'm not. I was so happy when I paid off my car because I knew I would be able to save. Negative!
He has this way of making me feel so guilty when I tell him no so I end up caving in and resenting him later. I am going to take your advice and write up a budget and see where some cuts will have to be made. Something will have to give in order for us to make it in this marriage or he will have to get a part-time job.
it depends on the man but my H had a massive problem with the fact that I earned more than him. Because he was such a spendthrift (example: our DVD player broke down so he went to get a new one - a hundred quid or so? came with an amp and various other geek boy bits of equipment that set me back well over 500) I used to have to try and curb it and he hated that, felt like I was giving him an 'allowance' (isn't that what you do when you have someone with the mindset of a teenager??)
I earn about £60k a year (don't know what the conversion rate is) and yet never had any money because it trickled through his fingers like water
My H and I also have three bank accounts. We have an individual account for weekly money and then a large account for the major bills. We used to fight about who spent too much money and this approach took care of that.
I think you have to stop feeling guilty about saying no to him. If you're not comfortable doing something that he wants you to do then you have to say so.
Yeah he does make me feel guilty when I say no, but I now realize that in the end, it is best to go ahead and say no. What I'm learning is that by caving in, I only end up resenting him later.
The life lesson is never agree to do something that you know will cause you to feel resentment later. It always backfires - trust me I've been there many many times.
The life lesson is never agree to do something that you know will cause you to feel resentment later. It always backfires - trust me I've been there many many times.
I'm learning that lesson.....It has always been hard for me to say no. Especially in relationships, but I'm learning it's best to go ahead and say no instead of making matters worse.
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I make more than he does 
