My husband refuses to get a job - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

  • 2 Post By SunnyT
  • 1 Post By SunnyT
  • 1 Post By joe kidd
  • 3 Post By DanF
  • 1 Post By Sanity
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 03:24 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
My husband refuses to get a job

Hi all,

I've been married for 2 years. I love my husband so much and we have a great relationship and marriage except for one huge thing: he will NOT get a job!!! He's basically been unemployed since we got out of college (7 years ago) with some periodic exceptions. I have traditionally insisted we keep our finances separate because of this, and he gets by with some support from a family member each year (basically inheritance which is about to run out). Meanwhile, I have been working since I was 16 - so I don't relate to him at all about this. Recently he's starting to ask me for money, but I don't make enough to support both of us and, frankly, refuse to pay for him since I know he will just start relying on my hard earned savings.

The thing is, I love him and want to stay with him, but I don't think he'll ever change. He says he wants to find work, but has a lackluster resume and can't find anything and has just gotten more depressed about the poor decisions he made in the past. From my perspective, though, he is barely even trying at all. I feel like I have said and done everything possible over the years to try to get him to change, but none of it has worked. Is there anything I can even do at this point?

user9484 is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 05:38 AM
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,888
You can't change him. I supported my first husband and his horrid spending habits. He'd drop 5,000 on my credit card in one day on useless things and hide it from me. His wife now works 2 jobs supporting them. He won't work over 15 hrs a week. He's just plain lazy!

Your husband sounds unmotivated. I very highly doubt he'll ever change. There is nothing you can do. Personally I'd boot him out the door. There is no reason for him to free load off of you any longer.
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby is offline  
post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 05:41 AM
tacoma's Avatar
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,485
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

He is who he is, after this long it`ll take an epiphany to change what he is.

You can`t do it.

You need to decide if you want what he offers (nothing?) or need something more.
tacoma is offline  
post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 08:57 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 462
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

he's a bum... wait until his inhertance runs out and if you hold out not giving him money,see how fast he runs to some woman who will support him! good ridence...
67flh is offline  
post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 11:53 AM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,035
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

Soooooooooooooo..... how big IS his penis??????
SunnyT is offline  
post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 11:58 AM
LovesHerMan's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,317
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

Address this NOW. It will not get any better as he becomes more entrenched in his laziness.

If you think that he may be depressed, make an appointment with a doctor for him.

Give him job advertisements, and see if he will follow up with them. If he does not, I would not stay with him. You are setting yourself up for a life of misery. You cannot change him, and you should not enable his bad behavior. Do not have children with him until this is solved!
LovesHerMan is offline  
post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 12:29 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,035
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

After 7 years..... he isn't going to do ANYTHING. Walk away.
SunnyT is offline  
post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 12:36 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,911
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

The problem I see is that the inheritance in the past enabled his behavior, and you, to a limited degree, did as well. By not setting a boundary and enforcing it with regards to getting a job. But at least you kept your finances separate, and so far, it sounds like you're holding the line.

But the time will come soon (when the money runs out, and bills become due), that your resolve will be tested. Stand strong!

Posted via Mobile Device
PBear is offline  
post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 12:45 PM
Forum Supporter
arbitrator's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,713
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

As a younger man, he should have more motivation since the labor market greatly prefers those folks who will take their entry-level jobs that offers less than stellar pay. They may also need to look at enterprising themselves in starting some kind of business on their own.

But the older they get, the more difficult it will become for them. At that juncture, businesses only want the real experienced because they will pay for that type of background. But the drawback in hiring older workers is most inherent in that they will usually require more sick days, and their health insurance premiums for the company to pay for them are totally astronomical.

I should know! I'm one of those older guys!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 01:10 PM
joe kidd's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,880
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

I never understood that mentality. I was raised to believe that a man works. Work hard , play hard. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I was unemployed by choice.

Hook me up a new revolution, cause this one is a lie. Sat around laughing and watched the last one die.
joe kidd is offline  
post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-27-2012, 01:41 PM
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,256
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

Here's an idea;
Quit feeding him, doing his laundry, etc. Quit doing anything for him at all. Buy food that you like that he doesn't. Tell him that when he gets a job, he can have food and clean clothes.
DanF is offline  
post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2012, 08:24 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,031
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

You do not have a man, you are raising a child. Dump this leech and find yourself a man that can at the very least be gainfully employed. Plenty of men out there would love a woman like you.

You didn't mention if there were kids in the picture but if not then the process is much easier. File for divorce and make him leave. Consult with an attorney to make sure the leech does not shaft you on the way out.

I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.

- Unbelievable
Sanity is offline  
post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-03-2012, 03:03 PM
GhostRydr's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South Chgo Burbs
Posts: 144
Re: My husband refuses to get a job

Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
Soooooooooooooo..... how big IS his penis??????
..and how much of his inheritence money have YOU enjoyed til now that its just beginning to be an issue?

THis is something that should have been addressed BEFORE marriage.
GhostRydr is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband refuses to end contact with EA brokenbythis Coping with Infidelity 19 03-26-2013 01:07 PM
Husband refuses to leave ImperfectMomma Considering Divorce or Separation 18 05-05-2012 10:28 PM
Husband refuses to give oral Kali85 Sex in Marriage 38 07-28-2011 07:51 AM
Husband refuses to look for a job (2 years) Fameflower Financial Problems in Marriage 10 01-11-2011 12:30 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome