Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I'm married to an Accountant, and he's always been "in charge" of our finances. He has shares that go up and down so I have no idea exactly how much. I have a part time job so I know how much I earn of course. It all goes into one joint account. Though we do have other accounts and ISAs (or whatever) What I spend it rarely an issue, so long as he can see where it's all going.
I know we are quite well off, but he is ALWAYS fretting about money and won't let our daughter have her own car (she's 18 and uses mine all the time, so it doesn't feel like mine anymore) Hubby has his own car (nothing fancy) It's the insurance (as far as daughter is concerned) that he thinks is expensive. Plus we cope fine just the way we are.
How can I get more involved in knowing exactly what we have? Whenever I ask he's vague. I fret that one day he might run off with it all.
Ask him straight up and tell him you want to know. If he continues to be vague, call him out on it and tell him you're his wife and a partner in the marriage and have a right to know.
Is he vague about other important things? Does he control all the other things too (what you are aware of, what information he shares with you)?
For 13 years I never knew how much my husband made, but by my choice. I never cared. He recently got a promotion and was excited to tell me what the starting probation pay is going to be. I'm like great, we can keep what we are doing and put the extra funds towards our retirement. I've always paid the bills, but I've never looked at the bank statements. It will drive me to an obsession if we are in the hole. We live off of one income, I can not physically work or leave the house longer then an hour or two at a time.
You can look at your bank statement and add up the incoming checks or look at last years taxes. You will get an idea. The bank statements are net of course, but taxes will show gross income.
I still wish I didn't know what my husband made. Money is not important to me and I prefer to live as frugal as possible. Any left over saved money will be divided among our 3 children when we pass away. Hopefully there will be enough to get them out of their debts if they are struggling.
I'm an accountant and I handle the money as well. However I'm not 'vague'. Anytime my husband wants to see anything I show it to him. No biggie.
I'm with JB ask and if he resists tell him you're his wife and you have a right to know. If that doesn't work go digging. Find statements, tax returns, and you can piece it together to figure out where you are and what you have.
I guess he's only vague because I show little interest. I don't really understand how shares work (though it would be easy to work out) I yawn if he talks about our "investments!" So I'm my own worse enemy (and in me yawning, he shows very little interest in the things that matter to me, so this is not good)
I am sure he would only be too happy to go through it all with me. I can understand Bank Accounts and Building Society Accounts. But anything else where our money is tied up, I cannot appreciate it's actually "ours" unless I see it all laid out in front of me. I have access to our filing cabinets of paperwork, and our computerised accounts, so it's not like he's "hiding" anything as such (but how would I know)
See you're like my husband. He has ZERO interest in our finances so mostly his questions are limited to "is there enough money for me to get that new toy I want". LOL
I don't take it personally. It's just not his thing.
If you ask me, both spouses should have at least an understanding of the finances in the marriage. Both big picture, and knowing what accounts exist where. What happens if the spouse that usually handles the money gets hospitalized?
Mine was the same, just wanted to know if there was enough to spend on something pointless. I would have gone through my spreadsheet with him had he been interested!!!! Posted via Mobile Device
If you ask me, both spouses should have at least an understanding of the finances in the marriage. Both big picture, and knowing what accounts exist where. What happens if the spouse that usually handles the money gets hospitalized?
lots of things can happen and if your in the dark about whats up it could prove to be catastropic.
death
divorce
debt you can't cover
stock market crash
sounds like you were disinterested before. tell him that you would like to be part of whats going on with the finances ask him to teach you it might be fun...........
but unfortunatly it will probly be stressfull and not much fun.
I'm just like your husband.........I handle all finances, bills, etc but it's not like my wife doesn't get whatever she wants she just asks first.........lol.
She get's a allowance and if she wants to spend more she calls "Hey, honey can I buy this chair is $$$?"
If something ever happened, I do have all the account numbers and everything I need. Money is not that important to me. Any extra earnings in the future stay in the bank from my hubby's new promotion. We will keep on living like we are and buying luxury items very sparingly, including a computer. I use a handheld devise my parents bought me for a christmas present to go online. We have internet due to a part time online teaching class.
When I had a job(I usually had 2 jobs, I love to work), I'd save all my money. I had a bit saved up and my ex h got a hold of my debit card and spent all of it on drugs and band equipment, he even took my only credit card I never used and maxed it. Once I left, he took another credit card in my name after stealing my checkbook and license out of my car. I was pissed! Luckily it was just one card. I had to pay off the pre existing credit card I owned. The one he put in my name, I let go. It took me years to recover. I keep my personal spending to a minimum. Once I married my husband, he asked me to stay home with the children. I do buy myself nicer hair products, but it's to look good for my husband. That's the extent of my spending. My husband does 100% of the shopping since I'm disabled and can not lift the bags.
As it stands now, we have one credit card we pay in full monthly. We use this for frequent flyer miles. It's nice, we have 5-6 tickets now round trip waiting to be used depending location.
I have never been interested how much money my husband made. It's not important to me, it never has been. He made the decision for me to quit work and stay home. My husband told me we could make it on one income. We use to go on vacation every other year as well. I never thought I'd break my neck and become disabled. We made it fine through the years. We live very frugally by choice. Our luxury items are mostly gifts from our parents except our pets. We have a lot of pets!
I know we've been in debt due to our high health cost, but not overly bad. We pay most of it off come tax time every year. Now my husband got a nice promotion last week, we will pay our debt and the rest goes into the bank. Yes, he finally told me his yearly salary. We would like to set it up for our retirement and for our children after we are gone. We want enough money to get our 3 children out of debt if need be.
I know what to do in an emergency. I do pay a couple bills. We mostly set up for automatic payment. Yes, we need money to live, but the extras are not important to me. What's important is my family, my husband and children.
I consider myself blessed for everything we have and that was given to us. I'm not one to spend money if I don't have to. It makes me ill to my stomach to make big purchases. I've been this way as long as I can remember. My middle child is the same way. She refuses to spend her money and has a nice savings for an 11 year old.
Growing up both my parents were the opposite. My dad a gambler, my mother with a spending addiction. I learned from their mistakes and how unhappy they were. My brother is the same way as I am as well. Except he married a woman with a spending addiction himself. They have nice things, a big house(4 thousand square foot finished with heated floors) and tons of debt. Not a way to live. They barely keep the heat on during the winter due to not affording the heat bill.lol
My husband has my same views. It works out. However, since he works so hard for us, I tell him to buy himself something nice once in a while, but he doesn't. He is also a saver not a spender. He, too, is happy with the way things are around here.
7Likes 
I don't know exactly how much money we have!! 
(and in me yawning, he shows very little interest in the things that matter to me, so this is not good)
