j3r@tbp

Hey I'm new to the forum, and wanted to share my story / issue.

About 2 years ago we were told to open an IRA, and she needed $ put in, to help with our taxes. So we opened the account for her, with my $. From there I gave her more $ later on, that got added to the account.

Around the same time, I setup Mutual Fund accounts for both of us, each with the same amount. I also have 401K $ from my current company and previous company. She has never contributed (in our 6 years of marriage) to our retirement.

Along with that, we have a rental house. When I checked the other day, there was no money in the account. She's been using the business account as her personal checking account to pay her bills and misc cash withdrawls.

So the IRA $ was emptied about a year ago, she had plans to leave me. For whatever reason, she stayed though now I really wish she had left. Over the last few months I've been asking about the Mutual Fund $. I found the statement in our desk drawer over the weekend, the Mutual Fund money was removed back in May.

I understand the need to pay bills. What I don't understand is why wouldn't she tell me that she took the Mutual Fund $ out of the account. Plus using the business account, which I asked her about this weekend, when I noticed we were missing $ from it.

Money and our finances has always been an issue with her. Though she knows all about my finances and how much I make, she never comes clean with exactly what she owes or how much she makes.

Unfortunately most recently I had to take $ from my 401K to help with my credit card, since I've been the one paying most of our bills for awhile. I have no plans to tell her I've done so, until its tax time.

I have confronted her about the finance issues, and that has never gotten me anywhere. Funny thing is, over the last couple of months she's now using a spreadsheet to help with her finances and bills - ie. how much she spends vs how much she makes.

j3r@tbp

I should also share that I'm not the perfect person - I inherited $ about 5 years ago when I lost my mom. Which is how I was able to give her IRA $, etc. Granted it wasn't a ton of $, but I was also able to buy a foreclosed house and hire a contractor to make it rent ready.

I spent some of the $ vehicles - BMW 530i, which I sold a year after I bought it. That was a bad choice. I also bought our family a Toyota Sequoia - great family SUV especially for longer trips.

Mr.D.E.B.T.

I hope you both agree to see a counselor to deal with your communication and trust issues because that seems like a big part of your financial problems. But, your post indicated you were wondering if using your retirement money to pay bills is a good choice. If you were paying off a bill completely, this may have been a decent choice. Otherwise, I wouldn't continue to do that. Talk to your wife despite her actions and be upfront with her, but do it at the right time. You know your wife better than anyone on this board, so I am sure you will know when it's the right time.