Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Financial Problems in Marriage » Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 07-28-2012, 04:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

Here's the deal, I make almost $70,000 a year and my wife makes $30,000 (Separate bank accounts). The only bill my wife pays is her cell phone & car payment, I've also asked her to buy groceries but she usually just gets food for herself. I make more money so I have have no problem covering the mortgage and everything else.

The problem is we get in fights over the money thing frequently. She's financially irresponsible, always has been, but I love her. I don't care what she does with her money, as long as she tries to save a little, pay her two bills and keep a few groceries in the the house. But I have an issue when she asks me for money to go for a night out with her friends or can't put gas in her car.

When I refuse or ask why she doesn't have any money she throws a tantrum or cries. She says I belittle her and it takes a lot for her to ask to borrow money. She also complains about how bad she has it & how she never has any money. That's usually when I remind her how good she has it and she should be happy that I'm able to pay the majority of our bills. There's real people out there with real problems that have trouble feeding their kids and keeping the lights on. We have no kids, it's just us! We have a great lifestyle, I tell her this every time she gripes about her money. She's got 30 grand a year and 2 BILLS! Heck, I still pay for both of us every time we go out to a movie, dinner or bar just like I did when we were dating.

I don't know how to explain this to her without her freaking out & getting mad at me. I've got no problem paying for everything I do, I don't feel a lack of spending money and I don't resent it. I have a problem with her constantly acting broke!

Sorry for the vent session, if anyone has any advice I'm all ears.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

Well, maybe she just wants some money? Without seeing her account, I don't knwo what she's spending it on.

You make more than double what she makes.

You still talk like it's separate money. It's both y'alls money. I work, my husband works. We do not have the same accounts. But it's our money. We take care of our crap, but if one of us needs more, we give it...and it balances out nicely.

Maybe sit down and completely write out the budget, include fun money, savings, etc...
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

Take my advice with a grain of salt, because my husband and I have joint accounts and work with a completely common pool of money (to the point that our individual salaries are a moot point, its about the household earnings). So I may be biased and I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole separate accounts thing.

The point is that you make more than twice what she does. That gives you a lot more power in the relationship ans if you never ever share money, it seems unfair. If you have a problem with her spending habits, that needs to be discussed. Ideally you should each have a similar monthly budget for spending money for all lifestyle little extras. And you should mutually agree on what that amount is. It doesn't matter who pays the most bills...at the end of the day if her boytomline only gives her $100 extra dollars a month and yours gives you $700 extra a month that is what doesn't seem fair to her.

Budget together. Show her on paper what your entire household living expenses are and what your bring home pay is. No one wants to feel slighted or like they are begging daddy for their allowance.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

that_girl,

I'm with you & I wish it was that easy. Long story short , we tried the joint budget thing. She agreed to it but couldn't stick to it. She came into the marriage with two maxed out credit cards, I've already paid one off. She has a history of being irresponsible with money.

The solution was to let her pay her couple of bills and manage the rest of her income as she pleases. We've cut up her credit cards so it has been a good way to keep her spending under control since she now has a definite brick wall on money available to her.

Look I'm not a complete ass, if she needs gas money I'll pay it, but I will have questions about it. I've lived off what she makes as a single person not even 5 years ago. I was able to keep gas in my car & pay all my bills. How she can take home 30k with almost no bills and still can't keep gas in her car is beyond me.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

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Originally Posted by kag123 View Post
Take my advice with a grain of salt, because my husband and I have joint accounts and work with a completely common pool of money (to the point that our individual salaries are a moot point, its about the household earnings). So I may be biased and I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole separate accounts thing.

The point is that you make more than twice what she does. That gives you a lot more power in the relationship ans if you never ever share money, it seems unfair. If you have a problem with her spending habits, that needs to be discussed. Ideally you should each have a similar monthly budget for spending money for all lifestyle little extras. And you should mutually agree on what that amount is. It doesn't matter who pays the most bills...at the end of the day if her boytomline only gives her $100 extra dollars a month and yours gives you $700 extra a month that is what doesn't seem fair to her.

Budget together. Show her on paper what your entire household living expenses are and what your bring home pay is. No one wants to feel slighted or like they are begging daddy for their allowance.
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Hi Kag,

I've addressed some of the joint questions in my previous post. But I do want to clarify that I've done the math and at the end of the month after I pay all the bills, I have less that she does for discretionary spending. Yes I make more money, but we have a decent sized mortgage and other conveniences that I pay for. So this is not an issue of me having more than her at all.

I'd understand your concerns if it was.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

She pays for her car, her own cell, her own gas.

How much do you have left over a month after you pay the bills? Do not include in that number your car payment, your cell and your gas.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

He makes more, but he's paying the mortgage and most of the bills. So I can see why he's upset. I don't think he's being stingy. Sounds like she's the one with all the spending money.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

I can sympathize with the OP because I had a similar situation. I make about 85k, and my husband makes about 35k. I pay our mortgage and all our bills, except for his car payment and gas, out of my paycheck. I was coming up short every month, and he had extra money. But he kept acting like it was my responsibility to pay.everything since I make more money. We were starting to fight over it, and I was becoming resentful.

We finally combined our incomes and that has made it better. We make almost all purchases on credit cards. So we can monitor purchases (we pay them off each month).

I think some of you are focusing on his income and thinking he has more money. I can tell you from experience he probably does not.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

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Originally Posted by tennisstar View Post
He makes more, but he's paying the mortgage and most of the bills. So I can see why he's upset. I don't think he's being stingy. Sounds like she's the one with all the spending money.
We don't know if he's being stingy or if she is spending all the money because we do not now how much money each of them have left over after each pays the bills they are responsible for.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

Well if she makes 2000 a month and pays 600 in car payment, gas and some food, she would have 1400 left. Month. If he makes 5000 a month and pays 4000 in bills, he would have 1000 left over. Of course, I don't know how much their bills are. I just know from experience I had very little left when I paid all the bills, even though I made a lot more. I can only assume if he says he doesn't have a lot left over, he doesn't.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:34 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

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Originally Posted by just_married View Post
Hi Kag,

I've addressed some of the joint questions in my previous post. But I do want to clarify that I've done the math and at the end of the month after I pay all the bills, I have less that she does for discretionary spending. Yes I make more money, but we have a decent sized mortgage and other conveniences that I pay for. So this is not an issue of me having more than her at all.

I'd understand your concerns if it was.
Ok I missed the above...
I assume that you are subtracting out of her discressionary spending per car and cell payments?

When married it usually makes sense to run the finances in a way that reflects the legal reality of marriage. The both of your are responsible for all of the bills and all of the income belongs to both of you.

So that would mean having an account from which all bills are paid. All income goes into that joint account.

Pay yourself first. This means to put 10% of your income into savings every payday. If you are both putting 10% into 410K's at work that would cover this.

Put a percentage every pay day into an savings so that you have a buffer for emergencies. This money is only touched for emergencies 5% - 10%. Just handle this as a bill.

Then pay all of your bills to include her car and her cell out of the joint account.

Then an amount is left in the account to cover groceries and other expect bills for the pay period.

Now after all of the above is covered spelt the remainder in half so that each of you gets exactly the same amount of spending money a month.

If she canno live on that then she has to find a way to earn more money. And her new income would still go into the joint pot.

There is a book if suggest that the two of you read together "Smart Couples Finish Rich". The most explains how some people just blow money and what the cost of that is to the person's and the couple's financial hearlth. It's a great book.
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Ok I missed the above...
I assume that you are subtracting out of her discressionary spending per car and cell payments?

When married it usually makes sense to run the finances in a way that reflects the legal reality of marriage. The both of your are responsible for all of the bills and all of the income belongs to both of you.

So that would mean having an account from which all bills are paid. All income goes into that joint account.

Pay yourself first. This means to put 10% of your income into savings every payday. If you are both putting 10% into 410K's at work that would cover this.

Put a percentage every pay day into an savings so that you have a buffer for emergencies. This money is only touched for emergencies 5% - 10%. Just handle this as a bill.

Then pay all of your bills to include her car and her cell out of the joint account.

Then an amount is left in the account to cover groceries and other expect bills for the pay period.

Now after all of the above is covered spelt the remainder in half so that each of you gets exactly the same amount of spending money a month.

If she canno live on that then she has to find a way to earn more money. And her new income would still go into the joint pot.

There is a book if suggest that the two of you read together "Smart Couples Finish Rich". The most explains how some people just blow money and what the cost of that is to the person's and the couple's financial hearlth. It's a great book.
Good advice!
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Old 07-28-2012, 08:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

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Well if she makes 2000 a month and pays 600 in car payment, gas and some food, she would have 1400 left. Month. If he makes 5000 a month and pays 4000 in bills, he would have 1000 left over. Of course, I don't know how much their bills are. I just know from experience I had very little left when I paid all the bills, even though I made a lot more. I can only assume if he says he doesn't have a lot left over, he doesn't.
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Of course we can make up all kinds of numbers that could prove one or the other of them is doing whatever. Only the real numbers are what matters and I doubt those will get posted.
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Old 07-28-2012, 09:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't pay any bills, still complains.

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Hi Kag,

I've addressed some of the joint questions in my previous post. But I do want to clarify that I've done the math and at the end of the month after I pay all the bills, I have less that she does for discretionary spending. Yes I make more money, but we have a decent sized mortgage and other conveniences that I pay for. So this is not an issue of me having more than her at all.

I'd understand your concerns if it was.
dont pay off anymore on her maxed CC. if it ever comes to D you wont be liable for it iirc, and why should you pay it off if shes irresponsible with $$$?
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Old 07-28-2012, 09:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Of course we can make up all kinds of numbers that could prove one or the other of them is doing whatever. Only the real numbers are what matters and I doubt those will get posted.
This is not a problem for me, I always maintain a budget I'm more than happy to post numbers. But like I said it's not going to support the assumption that I'm trying to keep all the money.

I get paid every other week, but I work my budget based off two paychecks a month so that's what I'm posting my monthly net income off of. I get two extra non budgeted pay checks a year that get put into a savings account towards our emergency fund.

Monthly numbers for me:
Net Income = $3480
Mortgage = $1350
Car = $350
Utilities = $250 (as we all know this fluctuates, but that's average)
TV/Internet = $150
Car Insurance for both of us = $200
Cell Phone = $85
---------------
$1095

Her
Net Income = $1900
Car = $280
Cell = $100
-----------
$1520
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