tennisstar

Some days I feel we are doing okay; other days I'm frustrated. I have a decent paying job and make about 85k. My husband makes much less, around 35k. We live in a nice, but average, home in a nice neighborhood. I own anoyer home, which is rented, but I have negative equity. I would have sold it, but it is worth a lot less than I owe on it. So I'm stuck with renting it. I have some small student loans and we have 2 late model cars, not luxury models, but decent cars.

We were doing fine, but we underestimated how much remodeling our current home needed, and we ended up spending about 30k on it. A lot of that went on credit cards, which we are trying to pay off. We were going to go on vacation late this year, but we are not going because we fel we need to pay our credit cards off. We will be much more comfortable when we pay these off.

I don't feel like we are trying to keep up with the Joneses, but I work at a corporate office where people drive luxury vehicles and take exotic vacations. And they look down at my husband's retail job. My coworkers, who make about the same as me, live in fancy homes and drive fancy cars. One even suggested I talk to her financial advisor to improve my financial situation.

I worked hard and have a masters degree. I feel like I earn a good living, but I do wish my husband made a bit more so all the pressure wasn't on me. And I feel jealous sometimes when I see friends get jewelry or a trip.from their husbands, when mine can never do that for me.

I love my husband, and I don't expect a lot of gifts or to live in luxury. I do want to live comfortably, though. I get tired of being put down at work, though, because we don't have what others have. And I sometimes feel jealous that I can't have what others have, and that I have to carry most of our financial burden. I am not sure how to change the way I feel about this. Any suggestions or any women in the same spot?
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827Aug

There's more to life than material things. I was once wealthy and could buy almost anything at a moments notice. All the finer things in life were nice, but they didn't bring happiness. Love and happiness are worth far more than any luxury items that you may possess. You may actually possess more wealth than your co-workers and friends.

Continue to work to pay off your debt. Having no debt brings the greatest peace of mind. Does you husband enjoy his work? Perhaps he can find ways to advance his career with a supportive wife.

tennisstar

He is thinking of going back to school, which I support, but he would have to work only parttime the last year or so. So I would have to support us almost totally during that time. So that worries me, too. Will we end up in more debt due to that, or will I have to work a second job to pay our bills?

I don't expect to live in luxury. I love our home. I'm fine driving a regular car. I just would like to feel like I'm not the only one doing everything and paying for everything.
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bribrius

YES!!!!!!!!

not to mention you arent limited by your salary. your husband could find outside endeavors and investments that could seriously improve your financial situation. The wealthiest people i know dont even have jobs. seriously. They dont go to work.
least not in the way you are describing.

tennisstar

We have looked at investments, but since our finances are tied up in 2 mortgages, we cant borrow more money. We owe about 12k in credit cards still, which.we are working on paying off. Like I said, I love our home, but sometimes I wish we had bought another one. The only reason we are in debt is because of the remodeling. Otherwise, we would have savings.
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Married&Confused

realistically you will probably have to suck it up for a couple more years. between your house increasing in value, job situations getting better and paying down your cc debt, you should be in a better position. work toward that day and things will get better.

southbound

I know the cost of living differs in places, but what you and your husband make together is a lot of money where I'm from.

Choosing to prioritize paying off your credit cards sounds like a good move to me. Are you really having financial trouble, or just tired of putting up with your co-worker's attitudes?

tennisstar

I wouldn't say we are having financial troubles. We pay our bills on time and pay about 2000 plus monthly towards credit cards for our remodeling projects.

I know it is a decent amount of money. Our housing here is very inexpensive, but I do live in a major city, so other costs are high. We have commuted, etc so auto costs are high.

I guess I'm more tired of my coworkers' attitudes and the way it makes me feel. And I'm stressed that I'm always the main breadwinner.
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southbound

It's good that you have identified what really bothers you. It's not so much the money. If you worked at a place where you seemed to have a little more than they did, you probably wouldn't think a thing of your situation.

It always amazes me how some people can be so educated and still base their happiness and life's worth on stuff. I'm not directing that at you, but your co-workers. You have reason to think about it because you are confronted with their attitudes every day, but I think it snobbish of your co-workers to not only feel they are somehow better because they have stuff, but they feel they need to rescue you. Just hold your head up and realize your happiness doesn't come from that, regardless of what they think.

I know that is easier said than done, I work with a few snobs too who would probably pass out if they saw my house. Here's what helps me sometimes. I have been around some people before that kinda intimidated me, but then they would do something stupid and it made me realize they weren't as smart as I gave them credit for, and I was no longer intimidated.

Just look at your co-workers and realize that if they actually think you are somehow less because of your stuff, then they apparently are not as smart as their degree says they are. And looking down on your husband, the man you love because of his job, is disrespectful. Realize these peoples weaknesses and don't worry about them.

BeachGuy

You never ever know other peoples situations. Your co-workers are probably in debt up to their eyeballs and aren't saving for retirement. Maybe their parents gave them the house they're living in and they have no mortgage? You just never know. So first off...don't worry what they think. I know...easier said than done.

I've always read that you should never consider investing in anything until your debt is paid off (credit cards) and you're contributing the max to your retirement fund.

Ever heard of Dave Ramsey? Check out his program. One thing he says is most people are one financial disaster from bankruptcy. He teaches you how to get a grip on your finances and in what order.

Disclaimer: You're taking financial advice from a broke person.

OhhShiney

I totally agree. Achieving financial independence, for me, included getting rid of all debt. That meant paying off mortgages, avoiding any kind of financing, etc. Once you do that, your options really open up. In fact, avoiding debt and being on top of things can make it less disastrous when you lose a job. Imagine life without a mortgage!

There is a book "Your money or you life," that looks into the whole issue about quality of life and how we look at money. I followed nearly all of the 100 tips on how to make changes in my life, and when I was able to pay off our house years early, I felt free and began exploring jobs that were more interesting and less stressful. This is not a fancy "get rich quick" book, it's built more on the premise of "voluntary simplicity," and really offers a philosophical angle that I had not considered before -- I had bought into the cycle of upsizing houses and cars, and believed that having a mortgage deduction was a sound financial decision.

The book asked you to consider things you buy in terms of how many hours you spend working to have them. Is it worth spending 20 hours working to buy the latest LCD TV? Etc, etc. And invites you to explore the possibility that some jobs/lifestyles REQUIRE additional money just to keep them going. For example, working in a job that requires a 2 hour commute and an expensive wardrobe with dry cleaning may be exactly the same amount of cash flowing through as a job with 15 minute commute and where you can dress business casual every day, and if you take the closer job, you gain back over 30 hours of your life each month by not having to sit in a traffic, won't wear out your car as fast, and might even have time on your hands to repair a leaky faucet rather than paying a plumber $200 to do it for you. In fact, there are TONS of financial advantages to spending less time working or commuting, and if you are able to save enough money to serve as a cushion, you will be able to weather financial troubles easier.

The book is worth a read, though the advice on investing is a bit dated (it assumed a 4-6% rate on government bonds), but the key point is that people should look at how they view money.

Not that this is uplifting news, but I lost my job in 2009, and divorced shortly thereafter. The degree of financial independence we had built allowed my ex and I to split without any financial difficulty, and we both have a secure future. I have been able to go back to school and am looking for a job that meets my needs, rather than being forced by a pile of debt to take a job I hate.

p.s. I get no commission for this book, I don't sell it, the author died several years ago, and I bought my copy at a used book store in the 1980s and read it every couple of years as a refresher.

DawnD

I think this is the best thing I have seen posted in the thread right here. Awesome point Southbound. Don't let other people's opinions of your finances strain your relationship. My H's friends have boats, motorcycles, luxury cars, and we are the ONLY ones who have IRA's and a college fund for our children.

rj700

Credit card debt is/can be crushing. Especially if you use it for a big project (like the home remodel). Can you get an home equity loan to pay off the credit cards? Or do you have a 401(k) at work? If so, you could take a loan against that for very low interest and you are essentially paying yourself the interest.

Also you seem to contradict yourself - particularly about keeping up with the Jones. (And I feel jealous sometimes when I see friends get jewelry or a trip.from their husbands).

Were you the primary bread winner before the marriage? Was there an expectation (agree to by both), that he would advance more. If he is willing to take classes, then at least he is trying.

tennisstar

We just refinanced the amount as a loan, so the stress is off as far as credit cards. This works so much better. I never anticipated the remodel to cost so much, and once we were in the middle, we really couldn't stop.

I don't care to keep up with the Joneses, but something nice from my husband here and there would be nice.

I was single for 10 years. I was the only breadwinner for myself then. My husband's job cut his salary quite a bit last year with no advance warning. It wasn't just him. They cut everyone's salary. So when we bought the house, we expected him to have a larger income. The mortgage is no problem, though. It is only 1250 a month for a 2200 sq ft home in a nice neighborhood. So we feel lucky there. We have lost cost housing in many parts of Texas.

I'm feeling better. I'm going to try to ignore coworkers who have larger combined incomes.
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Pema5033

If he is a multimillionaire, but you don’t love him, are you going to marry him so that your co-workers will look UP on you? Be yourself, never care about the others. They are just your temporally co-workers. Only your husband is your real life.