Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I started my own business about 15 years ago and left a good job to do so. It never made any money and I finally had to give it up three years ago. I really tried to make it work, but it ended up costing us (not just me) a lot of money. Since I sold it, I have not been able to find a steady job that I like. My husband hasn't been happy with me for years about all this but wouldn't admit it completely. Instead he just hurt me by his inactions - no affection, no plans for the future, etc. I lost another job recently and it started again. Last night I finally told him it was ok if he left. I told him I loved him enough to let him go. 25 years. This hurts so bad.
2 grown daughters, 3 grandkids. He left last night. I texted him that I would love him forever and he texted the same back last night. This morning, I texted to ask if he was ok and he said yes and asked about me. I said i was ok. That is it for today. I haven't told my kids yet. I want this to be a dream. I am just heartbroken.
Thanks for replying.
i don't understand. why did he leave now? everything that happened was a sunk cost. that failing business is now gone. this makes me sad. did he have to support you all those years when you failed to make any money? is that why he resents you?
and now that you don't have a stable job, does he resent you for not bringing in income? it seems so weird that he leaves you after 25 years when things look to be in the upswing of things.
I feel so sorry for you but maybe it is the best you let him go. You said he hasn't been happy for years and hasn't shown you much affection, this isn't a healthy marriage. Did you try to work it out with him throughout the years?
I am sorry. Even though he has been unhappy it sounds like love is still there and he still cares for your well being. This may be an opportunity for you both to get that happiness back. Can I ask how old you both are?
However, it does seems a bit strange that he leaves now as he has known all along about the financial capacity you bring to the marriage? Have there been financial difficulties that he has built tresentment on?
Since I sold it, I have not been able to find a steady job that I like.
Asking -- not accusing, but could it be that your H isn't really in love with the work he does, but he still works to support the family, and he feels you don't understand that sometimes you don't have to like the work?? If he feels this way, then I would say the problem could be something that was fixed with a sit down and sharing thoughts on what you both think is happening.
Do you think possibly he left because you told him he could if he wanted to?
It is possible he stayed in the marriage as long as he did out of a sense of obligation, and was unhappy because of that. By you telling him you would understand if he left, you might have given him the courage to do something he felt would have been callous and cold given your business state and lack of employment.
Did he support you in your efforts to start your own company or did he feel it was a waste of energy/time?
Does he see your business as a reason for a distance between you two and it's a confirmation that it shouldn't have been attempted in the first place?
Maybe you can't answer for him, but if it were me, and my wife insisted on opening a business against my wishes, and said business resulted in financial losses AND a damaged marriage, I'd be a little p!ssed myself.
I wish I had given my husband an out years ago, I stayed in a loveless marriage hoping it would get better. My STBXH still wants us to stay married, even though he cheated on me, never gave me love. I feel so sad for you, did you ask him as a test? or were you prepared for the response. Do you think MC would help? If its only about finances, it seems like 25yrs is worth fighting for.