fairydust

From time to time my H will decide to start going out to the bars and deciding how much to give me for bills.

I'm sick of being the responsible one so I decided to let him go ahead, handle the finances. As you can figure in just one pay he over spended any extra money and now didn't have funds for much groceries and bills are late. I do know he realizes now just how little we have but feel the need to let him continue until he decides to come to me. At different times thoughout our years together I always covered the bills somehow, but now I don't much feel like it anymore. He needs to grow up.

I don't know what else to do but this. The kids are *****ing there's no food. There is but just not anything they like. I feel it's the only way to get him to see things. Me telling him means nothing.

Any ideas??

I do notice he didn't go out much this week.

Sandy55

Well, the kids will manage. Kids complain, ignore it.

If he is cutting back on the going out, maybe he is trying. Just keep watching and waiting. See if he manages.

I think both should pay the bills, keeps them honest.

fairydust

Typically we would put a majority of our funds into a joint account and pay the bills from there.

H just got on a kick that he should have a little more extra spending money. Problem with that is he'll spend money and then a few days later decide what he has left to pay bills with. Unfortunately, it's not enough.

I'm just tired of being the mother. At 45 he should be more responsible.

I have to admit there really isn't much groceries but at least we have food.

preso

you could give him a weekly allowence... lol
or pay him by the day...

even better, pay him some spending money when he does his chores !!!

preso

What I am saying is, its not very easy to stop something yuou start. Since you've assumed the mother role and may have been doing it for some time, changing this will be very difficult if not impossible.... it is also called the enabler.

At least you have some incentive for him which is to give him spending money to make him do things. So.... you have some control over the situation....
but doubt you can stop being the mother because you've been doing it. What you can do is use the situation to your advanatge, which should be easy.

fairydust

I usually handle the money and leave him some in his account each week. What happened is that he decided I wasn't giving him enough and that's why this all took place.

I gave him what we could afford. We live paycheck to paycheck.

preso

Many people do... it's not the end of the world. Your just typical and average if you do as millions of others do too.

If you want to do something about it, it's going to require great effort and time....

unless you get lucky and win the lotto or something.

memerek

I can understand where your coming from. My BF does the same thing he yells at me when there is no money but he buys all kinds of things online. And when we have no food he yells at me.I tried to take away his debit card but then he gets so mad that he cannot order things. So i have just started my own account and thats what i use to get my kids food and what nots. If there is not enought for rent then its on him... GOOD LUCK. THey just don't think

preso

I married someone who is just like me..... a saver and frugal...
we both have extra money but don't spend much of it. I am far more conservative than he is about certain things and he is about others and it works out as we seem to balance each other.

I was on my own at a young age and developed those habits to survive and they really stuck with me. I bought a house half of what I could afford and drive low profile cars. I dont wear much jewelry and if anyone asks, I'm always broke...
lol

I used to wonder if being how I was ... was a bad thing or a good one but in meeting my husband I'm now glad I was like this all my life as we together are able to going on to the next level of early retirement and moving to a recreational area. Something I one day only dreamed of...
and its not far off now.

Hispetal

My answer is: CREATE A BUDGET.

Putting a budget together on paper and seeing which weeks of the month you need more cash or less cash - can at least get you both aware of what's out there. Chances are if you've done all of the family bookkeeping, he may simply be unaware of how you've got it all worked and scheduled to keep from falling into a deficit. As with anything new, if a person been removed from how a responsibility is managed, it takes a little practice to become a pro at it.

The hard part is budgeting for things that aren't routine. That will come with time. But for now, try to tackle it together - don't just throw it in his lap and say "lottsa luck!". Its not fair to him and it will only create frustration for you.