My Husband Uses Me Financially
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Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 08-21-2009, 09:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My Husband Uses Me Financially

I am so stressed out right now it is crazy! I have been married now for almost a year and you might as well say that this has been the year of hell for me! Next month is our 1 year anniversary, but somehow I dont feel much like celebrating! Anyway, I am the one who has to take care of things financially with just about no help from my husband. He has a job and isnt making enough money to support the family! I have to pay all the bills. I work at a doctors office that pays pretty good but I cant save any money because I have to pay ALL the bills. He acts like it bothers him but he continues to do the same things. He isnt even try to look for another job. Mine you, we also have 2 kids in the house and he has 2 outside of the house. He isnt doing a very good job with them either. I have to drop him off to work, pick him up from work, be the career woman, be the mommy and the wife. This is to much stress! My hair is starting to fall out. HELP! What should I do?
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Old 08-21-2009, 11:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Uses Me Financially

I'm right there with you...except my husband has 6 kids outside, thankfully none with me (but I do have a small child to take care of), and I don't have to take him to work. I'm upset because on top of his infidelity and lies, I'm the one paying all the bills, when we had agreed to pay 50-50 before getting married.

I don't know if this will work for you, but stop trying to do it all. I no longer do housework, no sex every night, and I'm starting not to cook as much anymore. Not because I'm trying to get back at him, but because I don't have the energy after writing and editing all day to make a living, taking care of a toddler, and trying to keep myself from going crazy. Have him help out more.

Oh, and you will need to talk to him about your financial situation and let him know you can't go on like this, the kind of stress you're under isn't healthy. And if you're not doing well, who's going to provide for and take care of your children? Make sure you know where all the little bit of money he's making is going (it's not enough for him to tell you, start looking at bank statements and pay stubs).
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Old 08-22-2009, 08:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Uses Me Financially

Quote:
Originally Posted by so_confused09 View Post

I am the one who has to take care of things financially with just about no help from my husband.

He has a job and isnt making enough money to support the family! I have to pay all the bills.

Mine you, we also have 2 kids in the house and he has 2 outside of the house.

I have to drop him off to work, pick him up from work, be the career woman, be the mommy and the wife.

Did you enter the marriage with all those things going on?
His low paying job, his kids by a previous marriage,
his lack of transportation.
?

If some of these things are due to his being laid off from a good paying job, they are temporary and you have to just bear it...
as many people have periods in life that are very difficult.
If these things were present when you married him...
I don't know what you expect to be different now that your married.

Love does not conquer all.

Last edited by preso; 08-22-2009 at 09:04 AM.
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Old 08-31-2009, 08:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Uses Me Financially

My personal belief is that the man should be working and supporting the wife. If kids are involved, the wife should be home raising the children. IMHO of course.
My wife stays at home and homeschools our child. She loves it and so doesn't he.
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Old 09-01-2009, 02:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Uses Me Financially

If you do not want to divorce you should work on your management skills and have him enlist to do household chores in a way that is effective and works long term...

he can be a househusband, but its up to you to train him to be one and what needs to be done and have him happily go with the program.
It would be far better than him not contributing and sitting around all day doing nothing much.
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