How do I confront ex-wife?
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Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 10-05-2009, 05:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do I confront ex-wife?

At today's counseling session, we were given 3 homework assignments to help save our marriage:
1) refinance the house (earn maybe $300 per month)
2) recalculate the bills, and double check that we are paying adequate share of mortgage and utilities (saves nothing, but starts more arguments)
3) ask his ex-wife to pay at least $500 toward her daughter's $2000 college fees/month

#2 We did with Hubby refusing to pay any overage if a utility is slightly more. He refused to pay the car insurance, and our son's preschool costs ($100/month), or doctor bills for our kids.

I don't think those are expensess I need to pay alone, as I make about 1/3 his income.

#1 I will check mortgage banks tomorrow

#3 Hubby backed out already, in less then 6 hours, he already broke his promise to follow the advice of our counselor. He said I can ask her myself, which I will, but I need a strategy. She is already thousands in debt due to her reckless spending, so I need an approach that will motivate her to want to help us. Helping her daughter wasn't enough motivation.

Should I tell her about the pending divorce?
Should I play up her sympathy, and explain the abusive behavior he has exhibited to me and our two sons?
Should I just plead my case to my stepdaughter directly?

She is a great manipulator so I need to outsmart her without her realizing it. I am normally honest and direct, so I need help pulling this off.
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Old 10-06-2009, 11:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

I'm guessing the counselor is trying to get your husband to agree to stepping up where your joint finances are concerned to relieve some of the marriage stress.

By him backing off and telling you to deal with it is probably the opposite of what the counselor is asking him to do.

I personally don't think you should be involved with his ex paying anything for his daughter...He should be doing that, but doesn't want to.

If it were me, I'd do nothing on that front and discuss the homework in the next session. That is exactly the issue, isn't it? That he will not take action to ensure your financial stability, and refuses to say 'no' or be reasonable with what he can give his daughter for college.
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Old 10-06-2009, 12:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

I too agree with Swedish that he needs to deal with the ex-wife. He should not be putting you in the position to deal with her, so he can take the cowardly way out. I would stand firm and make him contact her regarding the daughter's tuition.

One question, why can the daughter not take out student loans and pay her own way through college like many people do? Or get a job and pay toward her tuition?
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Old 10-10-2009, 11:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

The obvious solution is for Stepdaughter to take out her own loan and pay it back after college. (see previous thread about Husband draining me financially). Both her parents are spoiling her rotten.
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