How do I confront ex-wife? - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-05-2009, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
Sensitive's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 552
How do I confront ex-wife?

At today's counseling session, we were given 3 homework assignments to help save our marriage:
1) refinance the house (earn maybe $300 per month)
2) recalculate the bills, and double check that we are paying adequate share of mortgage and utilities (saves nothing, but starts more arguments)
3) ask his ex-wife to pay at least $500 toward her daughter's $2000 college fees/month

#2 We did with Hubby refusing to pay any overage if a utility is slightly more. He refused to pay the car insurance, and our son's preschool costs ($100/month), or doctor bills for our kids.

I don't think those are expensess I need to pay alone, as I make about 1/3 his income.

#1 I will check mortgage banks tomorrow

#3 Hubby backed out already, in less then 6 hours, he already broke his promise to follow the advice of our counselor. He said I can ask her myself, which I will, but I need a strategy. She is already thousands in debt due to her reckless spending, so I need an approach that will motivate her to want to help us. Helping her daughter wasn't enough motivation.

Should I tell her about the pending divorce?
Should I play up her sympathy, and explain the abusive behavior he has exhibited to me and our two sons?
Should I just plead my case to my stepdaughter directly?

She is a great manipulator so I need to outsmart her without her realizing it. I am normally honest and direct, so I need help pulling this off.

Sensitive is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-06-2009, 11:13 AM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Near Chicago
Posts: 3,278
Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

I'm guessing the counselor is trying to get your husband to agree to stepping up where your joint finances are concerned to relieve some of the marriage stress.

By him backing off and telling you to deal with it is probably the opposite of what the counselor is asking him to do.

I personally don't think you should be involved with his ex paying anything for his daughter...He should be doing that, but doesn't want to.

If it were me, I'd do nothing on that front and discuss the homework in the next session. That is exactly the issue, isn't it? That he will not take action to ensure your financial stability, and refuses to say 'no' or be reasonable with what he can give his daughter for college.
swedish is offline  
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-06-2009, 12:49 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 470
Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

I too agree with Swedish that he needs to deal with the ex-wife. He should not be putting you in the position to deal with her, so he can take the cowardly way out. I would stand firm and make him contact her regarding the daughter's tuition.

One question, why can the daughter not take out student loans and pay her own way through college like many people do? Or get a job and pay toward her tuition?

To be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.
StrongEnough is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-10-2009, 11:15 PM Thread Starter
Sensitive's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 552
Re: How do I confront ex-wife?

The obvious solution is for Stepdaughter to take out her own loan and pay it back after college. (see previous thread about Husband draining me financially). Both her parents are spoiling her rotten.
Sensitive is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I think wife is having an affair - how do I confront? jamie323 Coping with Infidelity 387 08-07-2015 04:35 AM
When To Confront Cheating Wife Swede Coping with Infidelity 47 05-01-2012 05:03 PM
Should i confront my wife without proof yet... jerry123 Coping with Infidelity 35 04-20-2012 06:49 PM
Think my wife is in EA - how to confront? Jayg14 Coping with Infidelity 69 06-21-2011 09:41 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome