Second marriage housing expense conflict
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Financial Problems in Marriage » Second marriage housing expense conflict

Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 11-08-2009, 08:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Second marriage housing expense conflict

We have a problem which is a threat to our marriage:

Dan and I married under Dan's condition that I move into his house, which I did. The house remains owned solely by Dan and is free and clear of any debt. The utilities run $250.00 per month. The taxes and insurance equates to $150.00 per month.

Once we married and I moved into Dan's home, the home that I lived in became a rental. Since it's been available for rent I have only been able to rent it out 50% of the time. The house remains solely owned by me and I collect the rent when it is rented out. I also pay the taxes, insurance and expenses on it.

This is the second marriage for both of us. We are in our late fifties and retired. Our children are grown.

We decided not to integrate our finances or assets. Both Dan and my (previous) homes are valued the same.

The question is:

Should I pay Dan for part of the utilities, taxes and/or insurance costs on his house while I am living there?
If so, how much is a fair amount?

AND, if so, should I also be required to pay rent to Dan in addition to paying part of the utilities, taxes and/or insurance? If so, how much?

As I said, this is causing a problem as I am not in agreement with what Dan thinks is fair.

Please respond with your advice. Thanks!

Linda
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Old 11-08-2009, 08:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Second marriage housing expense conflict

To me it sounds like he is treating you more like a roommate/ income stream....your wife paying rent on a house that is paid for? You didn't want to combine incomes....soooo what was the benefit of getting married vs. shacking up?

I personally think there should always be a joint account which paychecks, etc go into - then if you don't want to both pull from the central account - has a separate account with 'play' money deposited into it each month from the main account and they can do whatever they want with that money. Which would solve the utilities questions.

If you can't sell your house (or don't want to) - I don't see any problem with you taking care of the bills when its not being rented since it is in your name, but I don't think you should have to pay rent.
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Second marriage housing expense conflict

I think this is a question for Dan. You should openly discuss your concerns with him - if you can't resolve this simple issue then you probably shouldn't be married? Marriage is about sharing - not counting who's paying what.
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Old 11-09-2009, 07:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Second marriage housing expense conflict

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda3775 View Post
The question is:

Should I pay Dan for part of the utilities, taxes and/or insurance costs on his house while I am living there?
If so, how much is a fair amount?

AND, if so, should I also be required to pay rent to Dan in addition to paying part of the utilities, taxes and/or insurance? If so, how much?

As I said, this is causing a problem as I am not in agreement with what Dan thinks is fair.

Please respond with your advice. Thanks!

Linda
In a word, NO.. you should not pay any utilities or bills, taxes on dans house as you are his WIFE, not his room mate....
( being if your actually legally married)
but on the other hand, with your now rental, he should not have to pay any expenses on that or be asked to provide any labor in or on it.
They are seperate property. Any reapirs, upgrades on the rental, should come from the rent of the property and expenses used on your income taxes, as any rental property would.
If you are unable to rent it, talk to your CPA or tax person to see how you can deal with no rental occupants 50% of the time on your taxes, as there are ways to deal with that on your taxes.
You should be doing seperate IRS taxes and filing seperate since you have rental property anyway.

If you are asked to pay a cut of such a low amount on Dans House ( since its paid for)... you are being treated like a room mate and not a wife. How petty for him to ask you pay anything of those bills.
On the other hand, any repairs, rental fees, etc on your rent house should not involve him since that was yours before you met him.
That is how I see it.
I'm in much of the same situation as you although younger in age. My husband moved in with me and my home is paid for ( has been a decade or more) and he pays all the bills, food as well as gives me extra money. My husband treats me like a wife, not a room mate and does what he can to make my life better and easier, not harder, as any loving husband would do... more so since bills are not that high and our monthly expenses are not much.

For him to ask you to pay rent is an insult to you !!! Why did he marry you ? to help him pay bills? ugh !!!!


If your going to pay for bills in second housing, you should sell both properties and buy one together with both your names on it.
At least that way... your name is on it.
That is my opinion on the matter.

Last edited by preso; 11-09-2009 at 07:31 AM.
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Old 11-09-2009, 08:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Second marriage housing expense conflict

Linda, have you discussed wills with Dan?
My gosh you better be careful as he may have willed his house to his brother/ sister / grown kids ... etc... and his bank accounts and assets in someone elses name too !!!! and you'll be left out in the cold should he pass away sudenly !

You should seriously consider selling your rent house if it presents a huge expense in upkeep and maintenace, and the equity ( in this case the sales price minus selling fees).
In this market, you can find super deals and a new house in both your names might be the answer as both your selling your homes will provide you with a nice home and with both your names on it, you will not end up out in the cold should he suddenly pass away.
If he refuses to sell and move, buy a house together with both your names on it, you should ask why as he may not have your best interests at heart.

Last edited by preso; 11-09-2009 at 08:47 AM.
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Old 11-24-2009, 01:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Second marriage housing expense conflict

My opinion is that you should use the profit (remember you need to set money aside for inevitable fixes) from the rent on your home to pay the utilities, taxes, and insurance on his home and then split all expenses that are left. That way you are truly sharing both homes. It really isnt fair that you would move in with him rent your home out and not share expenses, neither would it be fair for you to pay "rent" and utilities in his home. To me the only fairness is when you are "using" both homes together.

I am curious is there a large difference in your incomes (when you do not include the rent from your home)?

P.S. If Dan wants rent in addition to utilities he is ridiculous and selfish.
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