Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I am so thankful I found your forum. I have no one to talk to about what happened yesterday. It would kill my parents if they knew and telling my friends is out of the question since, ironically, my husband is a financial adviser and we live in a small town.
Now I've been suspicious that things weren't right with finances. He pays all the bills and gives me cash or a check for basic household expenses. I've been asking for tax returns and household information for over 2 years and the response is, "I'm working on it." Well the past 2 weeks I've been talking to attorneys about what I should do because I don't want my name associated with anything that might be going on. Well, I'm a day late and a dollar short. Here's what happened yesterday morning:
Doorbell rings and I answer (with my 4 kids) to find the postman asking me to sign for a certified letter from the IRS. This is the first time I've had mail in my hands in over 5 years. My husband has the key. It's a tax levy for over 100,000! Has anyone on the forum been in this situation before?
I've been researching like crazy and know I can file for Innocent Spouse Relief (I'm working on that now). Husband ignored everything the IRS sent before. Because I was off work it was shear luck that I was the one home when the postman came. I wonder if he would have said anything had I not been? I did give him the names of a couple of tax attorneys (can we afford it?) and the Taxpayer Advocate number for our area.
I'm sorry this is so long, but need to have some idea what might lie ahead. We have NOTHING set aside if the IRS freezes his account. Thanks for reading.
It's good that you are searching for help to get you through this.
I would be concerned about your husband's activities though - you haven't handled mail for five years? You are in this situation and had no clue?
The taxes can be worked out, payments may have to met, but if you are honest, willing, and open, they will work with you the best they can and you will get through it.
For your marriage, I would say working on getting everything out on the table and working together as a team would be a great place to start. Even if he continues to pay for everything, you should be in on how everything gets paid, how budgets are set, etc...
HappyHer, thanks for replying. I know it sounds stupid that I didn't know anything. However, to me, it is simple common sense that a person takes care of their finances responsibly. I was raised that you pay cash or you go without. You play by the rules. Debt is paid first and whatever is left over is what you live on. This is how we've managed our finances the first 20 years of our marriage. This is where my mistake begins. I assumed he would handle things the way I did for the first 20 years.
Beginning in 1994 we had 4 kids (a set of twins) in less that 5 years. When he went into business for himself in 96 I went back to work nights 3am-11am in 97 when the youngest was 2.5 and the twins were 6 months old to help out. I asked him in 99 if it was OK for me to quit work as I was expecting our fourth and working nights and getting 5 hours sleep in split shifts wasn't helping me. It was then that I told him I couldn't do everything. If he could take over the finances it would help. It never occured to me that he wouldn't take out for his taxes, etc. Not once did he EVER let on that there were problems. I feel like the last 10 years was all a big lie.
I'm guilty for being stupid and not asking to see anything but had no reason to think things weren't being taken care. He is a financial adviser for Christ's sake! Even when I did start asking questions I couldn't get anywhere. I'm trying to hack into his email accounts, rifling through desk drawers, asking for keys to the lockbox-everything.
We have an appointment Tuesday to speak with someone and I hope it isn't too late to keep the IRS from freezing what pittance we do have. I'm really concerned about our house though. We have about 112,000 in equity which is enough to satisfy whatever back taxes he owes. I never thought at the age of 50 I would be starting completly over with four children with the economy in shape its in.
I hope everything works out for you. I don't think you were stupid, just trusting and wanting to have that deep trust is understandable when it's with your spouse. I hope it all works out well for you and that you can set up a new system that will be better for your family.
Update Re: Newbie here and I'm petrified. IRS tax levy
Well, I found a really good tax attorney who is helping us navigate through this nightmare. The damage is worse than I imagined. What goes through a person's mind that makes them think they cannot pay their obligations?
He went into business for himself in '99 and hasn't filed a return for 00, 01, 02, 03, and 07. All the years I wasn't working. He only filed the years that I worked, and of course stupid enough to sign the return, because I kept bugging him about our taxes.
The only thing in my favor is since I wasn't working and he never filed, I don't have to now. He cannot claim me as a dependent (at my request). This way, he carries the burden for those tax years. Our tax attorney did tell me that once a return is filed you can go back to amend anything EXCEPT your filing status. So, I feel lucky in this respect.
Right now we are hoping to get the levies released as soon as possible, but hubby ignored the R.O. back in September and she's not budging an inch on what she needs, and I can't say I blame her! He's lied to me and to her. I just want this to be over with already.
I hope it all works out smoothly for you. It sounds like your husband is learning a valuable lesson and will hopefully come up with new ways in the future to deal with the finances.
Newbie here and I'm petrified. IRS tax levy
