Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
Well the rules are different from state to state, but in Ca you are liable for CC debt even if you didnt know about it. Also inhertance is not comminity property as long as you keep it seperate fom maritial assets.
Maybe it will not apply in your situation, but when my wife wants to do something I consider frivolous I usually try to tie it to our long term financial goals in discussions.
$90 in debt, even if she gets the rate down to 8% with credit counseling, is a lot of money. Does she plan to keep working after you retire?
Our agreement for retirement was more along the line of me providing 75%, her 25%. Of course the downturn hurt my funds in the neighborhood of five years salary, and hers didn't. So we put off buying a larger house.
Either way, we made an agreement to an open book policy because in my younger days I was tempted to spend. I saw the risk and asked for accountability.
1. Get a lawyer. Taking legal advice from the internet is a bad idea.
2. If you don't have "that type of relationship" in which you can discuss 90 THOUSAND dollars in debt within the marriage, one has to wonder what type of relationship you have. That is rather large. If there are no assets emerging, have you considered serious drug problem? In any event, either get to a point where you can talk to your spouse or get out.
My experience is: obviously those CC are not legally your problem since it's not your name. Your financial problems is in the assets you own. Any assets you own together could be (and probably will) used by her to borrow, or to repay her debts. This is because technically she owns half of the assets and the creditors have a right to it.
You really have to find out what the current financial situation is and draw some boundary. If you have to seperate your accounts or put your assets into a trust (irrecovable), do so. At least do it until you can trust her again.
That said, I do hope you can work out your marital problems. You have to be able to talk. You have some responsibility in today's mess too. Overspending is an addiction just like other damaging addiction. Denial, lies, unable to control self, regret, shame, all comes with it. She needs your support and tough love more than ever. You can't just turn away without trying to understand her and help her. Understand that I am not saying you ought to pay her debts every time, but as a husband, you are stronger and a leader. You should act like one. Your job is to love her.
hanging there, give you and her a chance to fight this addiction.
Hi there. Just chanced on this site looking for some advice, and your situation sounded like mine in reverse. I have spent five years propping up a failing business with our savings and credit cards. I borrowed a bit at first to tide me over, but things got worse and worse. This went on for five years, at the end of which I had spent all the savings and run up $50,000 of debt. All they way through I said everything was fine with money and gave my wife the same wages as usual. When she wanted a new dog I said I'll get the money from the savings, but we didn't have any, it all went on CC'S. Five years I beat my wife to the postman every day and kept the bank accounts secret.
Well, eventually she knew something was wrong, I was depressed and evasive about money. I confessed everything. It's two weeks later and I'm still at home. I work every hour that god sends and we're seeming counselling charities about how to settle the debt. I never spent a penny on myself, but could not admit my failure to my family. Now I may still loose them all, but at least the lies are gone.
I have a beautiful family and a loving wife, and will try and make it up to them. I can however see how someone can be so desperate to cover up debt. As they are ashamed to admit it, there is no way out of it - you can't budget or see professionals to help, it's all secret. It just get's worse and worse though. I wish my wife had voiced her suspicions four years ago, then it would have been a small amount. If she hadn't found out, I was on a downward spiral which would have ended up with us loosing our home. I don't know if we will stay together, we'll decide that after I've stated fixing the mess.
2. If you don't have "that type of relationship" in which you can discuss 90 THOUSAND dollars in debt within the marriage, one has to wonder what type of relationship you have. That is rather large. If there are no assets emerging, have you considered serious drug problem? In any event, either get to a point where you can talk to your spouse or get out.
yep, this.
Been there, and it's a surefire sign of dishonesty and lack of respect. If when confronted she isnt immediately repentent then you need to reasses your marriage because worse will come.
Sorry to be blunt but take it from somone who knows...
My experience is: obviously those CC are not legally your problem since it's not your name.
Again, you'll want to mention the state you are in because that legal advice is very much wrong in some community property states. For instance in California you would first need to show that you and your spouse have never co-mingled assets, have always maintained separate bank accounts, etc. If at any point in the marriage you co-mingled assets then you are both equally liable for each other's debts, regardless if you were aware of them.
Again, you'll want to mention the state you are in because that legal advice is very much wrong in some community property states. For instance in California you would first need to show that you and your spouse have never co-mingled assets, have always maintained separate bank accounts, etc. If at any point in the marriage you co-mingled assets then you are both equally liable for each other's debts, regardless if you were aware of them.
-Robert
It would be useful to have a thread dedicated on assets and different State Rules and how one can become responsible for another's unknown debts for married and non married couples living together. Others experiences internationally would be useful too.
90,000 debt is a terrible worry for anyone. She needs help and you both need to get the RIGHT legal advice. Maybe even individually? There may be a rule that allows you to loophole i.e. if you are separated the debt cannot be levied on the other?
As far as CC and writing off debt. Unfortunately what happens now is that even when they write off the debt you still owe it. It gets sold to agencies who try to collect. If they can't they will sue you. My sister just had this happen, although she lost her job and her CC's were around 13k. One company sued her and she ended up paying, the others keep calling and she had to get a lawyer.
At 90k the CC companies are more likely to sue because that is a lot of money to recover.
You have to talk to her... that is a lot of debt... esp. if you are living within your means
Re: wife's credit card debt 
