Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I admit, I was snooping around and found a bag with my wife's credit card statements, at least some of them. I started adding up the balances and the totals of what I found was almost $90,000!!! There were 5 or 6 different accounts through different companies. None of these have my name on them, they are only hers and I didn't even know about some of them. She's lied to me about some serious stuff before so trust is already an issue with me and there's other issues that I won't get into here. What do I do? I know she'll lie about them saying that she's helping her parents family business out, which she works in (I don't). I actually have no idea how much she makes (she's paid under the table) She has nothing to show for this amount of money and we don't live outside our means. My credit rating is excellent and I almost always pay off my balances monthly. We have seperate checking accounts and one joint account. I monitor the joint account closely but have no access to hers. I'm doing okay financially but surely don't have the ability to attempt to pay off her debt. I also found a couple letters about lack of payments and noticed she makes the minimum payment at times. I don't know how long this has been going on or what the balances started at.
I don't think sitting down with her and trying to discuss this will work, we just don't have that type of relationship and I probably won't believe her answers anyway. That is after I get crucified for snooping.
Am I in anyway responsible for this debt? I really don't care what she does to her credit rating, yes, I'm at that point considering other issues we have. Is there someone that I can see about protecting myself? I am so frustrated and sick of this stuff!! Any opinions or suggestions are welcome.
No you are not legally responsible for her Credit Card debt-- However your Joint bank account could be in trouble if she ends up defaulting on those cards and they get a judgment and garnish that account. Your taxes could be in trouble too they can also put a lien on your home if she is on that--
90k$ in debt is a big deal especially done behind your back -- it may be time to rethink your marriage if you cant sit down and talk to her about this then what is the point? Because sooner or later you could lose some money due to her spending trouble.
Well as far as I can tell she's been trying to keep up with at least the minimum installments but she is way in over her head. I still wonder what was charged on all those cards!! She has snuck money out of the joint account, I caught that and brought it up, she just said she was a little short that month. I didn't think much of it, things happen. I've been rethinking the marriage for a while, just don't know how to handle that part.
My Dad went through a situation like that but to a Girlfriend to the tune of 50000.She had signed the cards in his name,and signed them in his last name like they were married.Guess what....HE was responsible for the debt.This was 20 years ago though.
Good luck dude....you probably need to seek out a Financial Specialist to get the real legal Info on it.States Vary,I would think.If you are in the US.
Your dad did not sign these cards-- this is called fraud, he should have told the CC companies this and disputed all of that money.
He would have to be willing to prosecute her-- He is not responsible for debt that he did not incur---
If you don’t sign on the dotted line and someone does it for you that is fraud-- if you never sign etc--- why would you be liable? Your dad should have fought this-- if he has paid any money after the fact, then he is stating ( by payment) that this is his debt.
I was young at the time.I do know he paid some of it.
He never signed his name to them,she signed as if she was his wife.
They were just dating.He did fight some of it,heck she may have gotten jail time,I am not sure.
I do know he paid for some of these debts and they were not his.
Credit card companies are like drug pushers. I don't feel bad for them losing their tail ends in this economy.
If somebody is struggling to make just minimum payments...I'd ask "Why?" Let the credit card company write it off. Get out of the cycle. What's the worse that can happen - you don't get anymore credit cards arriving in the mail?
With a job and cash flow you can get whatever you need.
I agree with Theresagail...the CC companies can put a lien on your house if her name is on the mortgage. In the event you do sell it, the CC company will get paid out with any equity in the home before you see any $ from it. In addition, her credit will be shot if she ignores them.
I agree that CC companys do some bad stuff and have some shadey practices...but its not all their fault she got that far in debt. Sounds like she has an addiction.
Just 'not paying' leads to a lower credit score which effects soooo many things. My husband had to have a credit history run due to the clients he would be working with (as in access to major money) to make sure he didn't look like he would be tempted. A lot more companies are doing that now a days to see what an employees life is like behind the resume. If they aren't responsible enough to manage that, then will they be responsible enough to do the job they are applying for....
Debt consolidation or negotiating with the CC company to get a payoff number (that is less than what you owe) could potentially
I wish too I could find out what all those charges were for. To me it's pretty ridiculous and stupid, I thought she was smarter then that. The minimum payment on a couple of them is hundreds and I found 2 letters threatening to stop allowing use of the card....not a bad idea. Since she really has nothing to show for this amount of money it's driving me nuts trying to figure out what she paid for or bought. We have already loaned her parents 30k out of our home equity to help their business which I'm starting to wonder if that's what it was really for since they never said anything to me about it, not even a thanks. I do get a check every month toward the loan, but have to ask for it sometimes. Anything sound fishy here? Do I have grounds? Don't even get me started on other crap I'm looking into. She's a great mother, lousy wife and apparently pretty stupid when it comes to money. Thanks for letting me vent. Guess I needed to let it out somewhere. I really only have told 1 person about this stuff but now she has her hands full in her life so I'm not going to burden her with this anymore.
just stumbled upon your thread. Have you thought about couples counselling to talk about it openly?
I am at that point, I know about my wife's spending habit for a while although not to the extent of $90K but now that we are on unemployed benefits, things came to a head and I need to find a solution to same my marriage.
If you love your wife, then it's worth it to take that extra step.
If it doesn't solve anything, then at least in my mind, I know I have tried everything.
Wow! I've been there too. And I'm still there! You need to see a lawyer and find out what the rules are in your state. In my state, those debts which are solely the estranged husband's are his problem. Futhermore, those creditors can not do anything with assets where the spouses have joint tenancy.
__________________ Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
No you are not legally responsible for her Credit Card debt-- H
For future readers, I just want to point out that the above legal advise is incorrect. In community property states you are 100% liable for debts incurred by your spouse regardless if you were made aware of them or not.
For future readers, I just want to point out that the above legal advise is incorrect. In community property states you are 100% liable for debts incurred by your spouse regardless if you were made aware of them or not.
-Robert
I'm very sure my legal advise is correct! I have three attorneys and they all say the same thing. My state is a community state; but since I did not sign any of his CC applications, those bills are not my responsibility. The same applies to my massive hospital bill. Since my husband signed nothing, he is not responsible in our state. Now income/inheritance is another matter. It is split 50/50.
Also, anyone worrying about liens needs to find out what your state laws are. In my state the unsecured creditors can not put a lien on our joint tenancy assets for his CC bills or my medical bills. Everyone should contact a competent attorney in your state to get the official rules!
__________________ Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
wife's credit card debt 
