Re: how to fix a "lazy" wife
It sounds like she really doesn't want a job. I mean, she may be "looking", but if she really wanted one, especially if she is cute, she could get one easily. If you are pressuring her to get a job, she may pretend to be interested in getting one just so she doesn't have to hear it from you.
Some people are more self-centered than others. Take my husband... he is an only child and has a lot of trouble putting himself in other peoples shoes. In our relationship, he wants to make me happy, but does what he thinks he has to to do so and not a lot more because he just doesn't think that way.
What I am trying to say is that if she doesn't work, acts lazy, and lives off of you... and you don't do anything about it, why would she stop? You have to tell/show here that you are serious and that this is going to be a deal breaker for you. It would be one thing if she was going to have to give up her own goals for you to pursue school, but all she is going to have to give up is being lazy and overindulgent.
Bar tabs? Thats a little iffy... are you sure shes not shopping around? I know its not nice to think about your wive this way but after being in some bad relationships I think its a lot better to be honest with yourself about the possibilities.
No goals, bad decisions... is this really someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? My opinion is that if the person you are with is not someone you see yourself with for a lifetime, then why waste your emotions, time, and money on them now? You seem to have a lot going for you and if she really isn't for you then every second you put up with it is a second you could have spent possibly meeting your perfect girl. I'm sure people who meet her love her... she may be totally great! but what you need is ask yourself is, is she great for YOU?
Nothing you are asking for is unreasonable... now I am sure you might be able to do counseling and work really hard on things and get her to do what you need from her, but is it really worth all the effort to get her to act differently about it when she may just end up resenting you for it? Not all women are cut out to be military wives. You have to be selfless, considerate, and very understanding. I love my husband but if I was in the military instead of him, I don't know if he could hack it!
I think you need to sit down with her, talk over all the problems. What she does, what she doesn't do, and how you picture things to be different. Making it seem like you are more worried about helping the relationship then criticizing her will help her not get defensive. Depending on how she handles/reacts to that, you will have to go from there.
I'm not trying to be so negative about your situation but you seem like a really nice and tolerant guy, and I also tend to be very nice and very tolerant in relationships- AKA, I can be a push over. So I have just learned that you shouldn't settle if you aren't being treated properly, it as never ended well for me or anyone I know. People who are kind and tolerant, they're great, it not a fault on you as a person, but it does put a target on your forehead to be taken advantage of.