Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
I posted in General Discussion my deal, so I won't rehash here...or bring up financial stuff there to keep it simple. But I need help! My H and I married 7/08, he sold his house which was paid for by his parents and they let him keep the money. We took the money from his house to pay half of a new house, and his parents loaned the other half to us with the understanding we'd pay them pay asap by refinancing after we closed. I sold my house after we closed on the new one, and all that money went into our savings, which we plan on rolling into a new loan to refinance and pay his parents back. Well my husband has done nothing to see about the refinance part...especially since he owes over 100k in student loans, accrued together with his ex-wife. (Side note, I'm not sure if I too absorb his ex-wife's debt since he absorbed it..does it mean I owe that too now?) Secondly, his parents are really mift that its taken so long for the refinancing that his father wants to put a Deed of Trust on our house soley in his name. They think we're going to get divorced anyway and they don't want me to be able to have a stake in the home. Keep in mind that we've been using the proceeds of my home to renovate the house and build equity in it...to the tune of 25k so far at least. We also bought a car with some of my part of the money. I'm wondering if we do get divorced (it's a possibility unfortunatey,) if his parents will actually be able to cut me out of the house since it's money they gave to their son, or am I entitled to half because of the law? I am fine with giving him half of our savings if I am to get half of the house or at least buy his half out. I know this sounds crazy and even greedy, but I'm trying to anticipate any unforeseen problems in case it gets ugly. His parents hate me and financially ruined my husband's ex. They have the financial wherewithall to do the same to me if I don't look out for myself. By the way, I don't WANT a divorce...but I've been reading some of my husband's writings lately and it's something he's been talking to family about behind my back. I have to be prepared...even if we're in counseling and he says he's "trying." He's extremely verbally/emotionally abusive and I'd be naive not to look out for myself and my daughter. Right now he is working and prefers me to stay at home, but that leaves me no financial leg to stand on if we split, and it would be impossible for me to buy him out if I don't qualify for a mortgage due to my non-existant salary. I doubt I'd qualify for alimony after only a short marriage, and we don't have kids together, just his from prior marriage, and my daughter from prev relationship. I feel SOL right now and need some advice. Oh, and when he sold his house, he set that up in a private account without my name on it...my house proceeds went straight to a joint account. Even when I questioned that many times, he never moved the money...probably due to his parents advice. Help please!
M^2,
You have laid this out well. I strongly believe that a contract is needed that pays you a defined sum for watching the children. Because if you divorce - all the baby care time may get valued at zero.
A job would be safest.
There is a question though that is important in these situations: Do you feel confident you can make this marriage work? If so, put all your effort into it.
If however you lack confidence that it will work out, push hard to get another job.
Sorry - this sounds - difficult
Quote:
Originally Posted by MerryMerry
I posted in General Discussion my deal, so I won't rehash here...or bring up financial stuff there to keep it simple. But I need help! My H and I married 7/08, he sold his house which was paid for by his parents and they let him keep the money. We took the money from his house to pay half of a new house, and his parents loaned the other half to us with the understanding we'd pay them pay asap by refinancing after we closed. I sold my house after we closed on the new one, and all that money went into our savings, which we plan on rolling into a new loan to refinance and pay his parents back. Well my husband has done nothing to see about the refinance part...especially since he owes over 100k in student loans, accrued together with his ex-wife. (Side note, I'm not sure if I too absorb his ex-wife's debt since he absorbed it..does it mean I owe that too now?) Secondly, his parents are really mift that its taken so long for the refinancing that his father wants to put a Deed of Trust on our house soley in his name. They think we're going to get divorced anyway and they don't want me to be able to have a stake in the home. Keep in mind that we've been using the proceeds of my home to renovate the house and build equity in it...to the tune of 25k so far at least. We also bought a car with some of my part of the money. I'm wondering if we do get divorced (it's a possibility unfortunatey,) if his parents will actually be able to cut me out of the house since it's money they gave to their son, or am I entitled to half because of the law? I am fine with giving him half of our savings if I am to get half of the house or at least buy his half out. I know this sounds crazy and even greedy, but I'm trying to anticipate any unforeseen problems in case it gets ugly. His parents hate me and financially ruined my husband's ex. They have the financial wherewithall to do the same to me if I don't look out for myself. By the way, I don't WANT a divorce...but I've been reading some of my husband's writings lately and it's something he's been talking to family about behind my back. I have to be prepared...even if we're in counseling and he says he's "trying." He's extremely verbally/emotionally abusive and I'd be naive not to look out for myself and my daughter. Right now he is working and prefers me to stay at home, but that leaves me no financial leg to stand on if we split, and it would be impossible for me to buy him out if I don't qualify for a mortgage due to my non-existant salary. I doubt I'd qualify for alimony after only a short marriage, and we don't have kids together, just his from prior marriage, and my daughter from prev relationship. I feel SOL right now and need some advice. Oh, and when he sold his house, he set that up in a private account without my name on it...my house proceeds went straight to a joint account. Even when I questioned that many times, he never moved the money...probably due to his parents advice. Help please!
Thanks for the advice. Are you saying I arrange for a contract to pay me as a homeaker now, before things get worse? Wouldn't that look rather obvious...like I'm up to something? Would my husband be paying me? I've never heard of that. I wonder if it would be enough to just have my worth to him defined on paper (like "if I were to pay you this is what it would be.)
I am starting to revise my resume now as I'm not sure that the marriage will work. You're right, this is difficult.
If I were you I would be concerned that if he works and saves his money and you stay home and watch the kids - that you won't get a fair settlement if you do end up divorcing.
But a lawyer can give you a much better idea of what you will/won't get under various scenarios.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM11363
M^2,
You have laid this out well. I strongly believe that a contract is needed that pays you a defined sum for watching the children. Because if you divorce - all the baby care time may get valued at zero.
A job would be safest.
There is a question though that is important in these situations: Do you feel confident you can make this marriage work? If so, put all your effort into it.
If however you lack confidence that it will work out, push hard to get another job.
Money/House/Divorce? Oh my!!!
Re: Money/House/Divorce? Oh my!!!
