12-29-2009, 08:27 AM
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southwest FL
| | what to do when your wife wont go to counseling
Yes, its me again - broken record.
Well, not quite... just a simple question this morning.
What do you do when you ask your wife to go to counseling with you and she says flat out "no, but that I should go" ?
There are two issues here:
1. anger management or elimination thereof - mine - its been many years since I lost my temper (note - I have never hurt any one but I have banged a few things) and I lost it the other week - which prompted this whole her moving out thing. I lost it at my ex-wife, she is not nice, but the children listened to it - they were in the car. Yes, I know thats not even remotely acceptable (please no lecturing on that issue). So, I have called a counselor who handles faith based counseling including this issue. I will see her just after the new year when she returns to work. I thought I had it beat - apparently not - but not for lack of effort - I worked hard the first time about 6 years ago (been married 3) when I realized what the issue was and what needed to be done. Somehow it slipped, I don't want it to happen again.
2. I have no idea where I stand with her. her answers are vague and enigmatic. I ask "are we still married", no answer at all. I ask "do you love me", her reply "if you keep going the right direction it wont be an issue". She wants space, how much? I am concerned that she will forgot about me in her new house. She agreed to go to the movies in a few weeks, her reply "when things calm down a bit" ... I assume you means her unpacking and the holidays being done, etc. She agrees we are starting over, like when we first started dating - but we are married, I feel very strange around her as if I don't know how to act, do I touch her or do I not touch her, should I grab her and hug her tight (before she liked that - A LOT - she always told me to take a kiss not ask for one). She wants me to "act like a man". What exactly does that mean, near as I can tell that means 1) take care of my 17 year old daughter and my 14 year old son (he lives with his mom - she with me), take care of the house, take care of any personal responsibilities, hand the anger issue, work hard at my job - but when it comes to her I am not sure exactly what that means - from before I would grab her and hug and tell her she is beautiful - but now I dont want to do anything that will upset her or cause her to feel like she is not getting "space" and push her away from me.
Any comments are always appreciated.
Note - to BigBadWold, we have talked before and I know where you stand on the whole "dominant male thing" ... this isnt about dominance, its more subte - I just want to stop you before you get started on that path. If you have comments, and you have had some good ones in the past, please post - but if you are just going to tell me to dominate her, puff my chest and ooze testosterone please pass. No offense meant...