AFFAIRS - Are they justified?
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

Is there justification for an affair? Regardless if you are not getting enough sex, etc.

Prior to thinking about having an affair, shouldn't you discuss it with your spouse and seek counseling?

If you still desire to have a fling with another person, shouldn't you leave the relationship?
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

Affairs seem to happen so often. I hear it from my friends and on news (Tiger Woods). I don't think anyone can justify it because it is not a rational decision it's an emotional one. When two people hook up they do not know if it's a one time thing or a life time thing.

Some people will say,"It's because I don't love my husband anymore. He drove me to it." or "She isn't interested in me and I don't want to leave the children." But there really is no justification. Only excuses. The ones that really bug me are the men who use these married women for flings by telling them how wonderful they are and that they "love" them. Only to use them for as long as they can before tossing them aside.

When children are involved it makes it much more difficult to just leave the family because you are attracted to someone and want to see if the relationship will work.
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

No - in the end - there is no justification, only excuses.

If you are thinking about having an affair, there is definitely something wrong in the marriage that needs to be fixed. If you don't feel you are getting anywhere just talking to your spouse about your issues then a marriage counselor is definitely in order.

If you want to move ahead with an affair - get divorced. Affairs are just passive aggressive leaving anyway. You'll do less harm getting divorced before than after to everyone.
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

i dont think affairs are justified or a good idea. get divorced then go for it. however, there are many cases where one will drive the other hard in that direction. i had a neighbor whose wife told him in counseling that she was trying to get him to have an affair so she could file for divorce (religious based inifidelity rule). i do think there are many people who should not be suprised their spouse cheats because of their lack of participation in the marriage
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Old 12-29-2009, 02:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

Affairs are the most cruel and inhumane thing you can do to another person. It breaks trust, the pure and innocence of the relationship and is an act of selfishness, regardless of what the person thinks is their cause or rationale for commiting adultery. Plus, from my own experience, the individual having the affair becomes this chronic liar and can't even have the decency of ending one relationship before doing the act.

I absolutely dispise adulterous people, their only in it for themselves. Put em all on an island and push the button. jk
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Old 12-29-2009, 02:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

Are they justified? Depends upon which party you are asking.

To the cheater, of course it's justified. Only much later do they discover the difference between rationalizing and justifying.

The cheater will demonize their partner to rationalize the choice to cheat.

Or perhaps they are in a loveless, neglectful, or abusive marriage knowing their needs will never be met, and choose to cheat. This is still a rationale, not justification.

Quite honestly, I don't doubt for a moment that I would have pursued an affair had I chosen not to leave. I actually told my spouse this. As a result, she used that knowledge as her justification.

It's hard to justify an incredibly bad decision. Carrying on an affair by default means that you must adopt behavior that isn't justifiable. You become a shameless liar that uses your partner's trust as a weapon.
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Old 12-29-2009, 02:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

My husband had an affair and now I'm living with the questions one has when that happens, the thing for me besides the trust issues and the lying he was capable of.
He has always (we have been together 27 years) been the one to teach our children the morals of life, the 3 of them have had this very conversation about adultery (10 commandments) and he always spoke of how you leave one relationship so that you don't hurt the spouse needlessly and how that would just be a selfish and cruel act.
And here we are, still can't believe he had this in him.
Our marriage was rocky and thinking back now I was asking for a chance to discuss things with him, but he just shut me out and I guess I now know why, he was already with the OW and had decided we were over.
I think it's a cruel way to end things and it's something that could have been avoided if he had just show a little respect for me.
He has every excuse in the book, the OW is also married, 2 families hurting for a selfish act on both their parts..
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: AFFAIRS - Are they justified?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo View Post
It's hard to justify an incredibly bad decision. Carrying on an affair by default means that you must adopt behavior that isn't justifiable. You become a shameless liar that uses your partner's trust as a weapon.
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