Am I a bad husband or not?
My wife and I have been married for 17 years. Many good times. We used to party but don't any more and haven't for many years. Son/stepson is 22 and daughter is 14. We've been going to church fulltime for 13 years. I love God even though I do some things that I shouldn't do. I have always been faithful, always maintained a good technical, administrative type job. I am always at work or at home. I don't realy have any friends so I don't go and hang out with the boys. I don't go fishing, I don't go to the bars, I don't drink at all anymore unless it's a glass of wine or a mixed drink on special occasions and even then I usually won't unless my wife does also. I constantly try to be thoughtful, paying my wife compliments, telling her she's pretty and beautiful. I always tell her that I love her, I tell her that i love her so often that I think it doesn't realy mean that much to even say it now. I am in pretty good shape, athletic build and like to think of myself as a handsome guy. I'm not a wuss. I am a cleancut, farm tough kinda guy. I try to help out around the house(inside the house) wash dishes if they need it, straighten things up, put laundry in washer and fold laundry coming out of dryer. Help kids with homework, I'm always there for all of them. Taking care of business outside like mowing yard, bushhogging the fields, building sheds, cutting wood, etc. I agree to do some things only because I know that my wife enjoys or wants to do them. Like helping out with the youth at church on wednesdays. Hosting Bible studies at our house, having people over at other times even though I would much rather not. Our sex life has always been good, well at first it was more, my son was 5 when we got together so there was a child to start with but we had more time together when he would go to visit the rest of his family. After our daughter was born things slowed down alot more, then the wife had some lady problems and had a hysterectomy(sp?) now hormones are all messed up. She has never really started the sexual activities, I am always the one who has to get things started and she never seems excited about it until I get her worked up but after that it's always good. She has her own business, a very stressful one. She's had this business for about 13 years. She makes quite a bit more money than I do. We built a house 2 years ago. Because of me we built it bigger than we should have and alot more debt than we should have and I know that the debt load makes things alot more stressful. Since she makes more than I do I feel like I'm not doing my part. Over the years I have tried to do some other things to make more money and some have worked and some haven't. Now here is some bad stuff about me. I am far from perfect. I stay up too late and don't jump up out of the bed in the morning as early as she would like. This disappoints her and she says that it is irresponsible(probably true). She takes care of paying the bills, we don't keep our money seperate. Everything goes into the same account. This is something that I should try to do to take some stress from her(but I haven't). I have smoked cigarettes for about 20 years, I told her that I would quit but never have. She has smoked on and off throughout our marriage and has quit for several months a few different times(probably started back because I didn't quit). Now she has been quit for almost a year and I am very proud of her, she and my daughter constantly give me the guilt trip for still smoking (for health and money reasons). I feel like a dirty dog. I might slip out behind the woodshed and smoke a little green every now and then. Nobody else knows other than her. I really don't think it is that bad, of course I wouldn't want my kids to know. These few things that I have mentioned have caused her to change the way she feels about me. She says I am irresponsible and I am not willing to sacrifice anything. I know that I need to change some if not all of these things but it's hard for me to understand how these few things can cause her to lose certain feelings for me. I can tell by the way that she acts that she doesn't look up to me and she doesn't seem proud of me. I am an emotional guy and it breaks my heart. It seems as though she doesn't feel the same kind of love for me that she once did. So what do you all think? Am I a bad guy?