tosh1963

For the past two years my 41 yr wife at times would get very irritable and go through mood swings and depression. Her doctor thought it was related to menopause and prescibed her some sort of anti depressents. When she was going through these mood swings I wanted and tried to talk to her but she appeared to me to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She would become in general very angry and not want to talk. So I decided to give her some space to figure things out. Now my wife of 17 yrs broke the news to me on x-mas day that she wanted a divorce. It devastated both me and our 13 yr old daughter. It also hurt that when I asked her if she would consider counseling she said no because it would not change her mind. She told me that during this period of mood swings that since there was no communication she took this as I didn't care and now she has no feelings for me. Not once did she ever try to express her feelings about the lack of communication to me. I'm wondering now that if I don't insist on us going to counseling that she will also interpret this as I don't care. I almost feel that subconsciously she is trying to blame our marriage to justify her depression. I just don't want her to find out after its too late that it wasn't her marriage that was making her unhappy. Or maybe I'm the fool and it is too late. Thanks for listening.

Malibu17

I feel for what you're going through...because I've been there. It can be very difficult to reason with someone, that is depressed AND has anger issues. I know it's a painful time, but try and be strong for yourself and your daughter. I would suggest that you go to counseling...and your daughter as well, to get through this difficult period. Hopefully, your wife will come to her senses and seek counseling as well, to help her and save the marriage. If not, at least you tried and are getting the help you need to get through this difficult time.

I wish you the best.

mrnice

What is it about women wanting to divorce their husbands on Xmas day, is it a slap in the face or what? So callous of them. Happened to me last week as well. Can't believe it glad it wasn't just me.
Has to be the worst Xmas present I've ever had.

mrnice

Oh yeh Tosh1963, my wife has depression and Bi-Polar.
I think they use happy situations and turn them into unhappy situations just to feed their depression, it's been happening to me for so long now. I have tried so hard to keep her on track with no luck. Im sorry champ but I hope things turn out for the better FOR THE BOTH OF US. looks like we can be soul mates in this one, since we're going through exactly the same thing.

tosh1963

Thank you both for the kind words because those words really do help. Mrnice I feel for you too because I know exactly what you're going through too. I think the only reason for announcing something like a divorce on a holiday would be to really try and take the hurt and pain to another level. The act was malicious and I could never have done that to her. And malibu17 I think that you are right and I will get some counseling for me and my daughter whether or not my wife joins us. Thanks again.

lj2000

Sometimes depressed people feel too hopeless about life to work on their marriage. Seems they think that by dumping a spouse they will be instantly happy. Doesn't always happen. Maybe she will come back when she doesn't get instant bliss after she moves out. Don't tell her that you think her depression is causing this marital problem because she will think you are not respecting, hearing, or understanding her. Listen to her complaints about the marriage sympathetically and go vent in therapy. She might want to turn you into an enemy to fight with so it will make it easier for her to leave without feeling guilt.

tosh1963

lj2000 I agree with you 100%. As hard as it was not to plead my case I have surrendered to the divorce. Surprisingly during the past few days we've had some incredible communication without tension. No matter what was said we agreed to hear each other out without judgement. We've laughed, cried and learned a lot about each other. We even share a bottle of wine together in the evenings. Although platonic things have not been this nice since we dated years ago. She even mentioned that if things were like this before that she would have never asked for a divorce. Looking back now I can see with clarity how important communication is within a relationship. Although I know that a divorce is impending I still pray for a miracle. Thanks for the support because it has really helped me in coping with my crisis.