01-12-2010, 04:42 PM
Join Date: May 2008
| | Re: sexual violation
Both my wife and my ex-fiance were victimized. Neither were violently raped in a singular event. They were both victimized over time by individuals they knew well, and trusted.
Without a doubt the events had substantial implications in their follow-up intimate relationships, their perception of sex, and emotional intimacy.
Neither woman presented as emotionally damaged. I didn't go looking for women to 'fix'. They were both extremely bright, confident, engaged and certainly seemed well adjusted. Neither were wall-flowers.
When it comes to issues of depression, bipolar disorder, etc. I don't know if abuse is identified as a causal factor, but if the individual already is predisposed to a disorder, and is then also the victim of sexual trauma, I can only imagine that can make things substantially worse. I can also see how having these conditions could lend themselves to misaligned perceptions of sex, either via skewed perceptions of earning love via promiscuity, or avoiding sex due to anxiety.
I actually asked myself if I was doing anything out of the ordinary to attract, or become attracted to women who had suffered some sexual trauma. Both women eventually developed tremendous anxiety about having sex. The anxiety and shutdown also corresponded with becoming engaged. Both women developed physical conditions further contributing to their aversion of having sex. Knowing that my desire to have sex would cause them physical pain further complicated the whole thing. So it actually got to the point where I questioned if there was something wrong with me.
It is emotionally demoralizing to know that one the greatest things you can share with your partner that is supposed to be associated with pleasure, and everything that is good about being in a relationship, can be turned on it's head and leave both partners fearful and frustrated.
I also tend to believe that the number of women that have been subjected to some form of sexual violation or trauma, is much higher, and more common than any of us would want to believe.