Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central Virginia
Re: Tired of Wife's Insults of Me and My Family
I am not defending her immature behavior (insults, dragging others into your conflict). I lived this situation for some time, however, and can tell you that she is fed up with your irresponsibility. You agree to things (bushes, in this case) and then don't follow through. You have probably done this for years, and her early efforts at politely reminding yet were ineffective, then you started calling her a nag, so her behavior changed. She escalated her comments in hopes of goading you into SOME response, like compliance with what you agreed to do, or at least some type of honest feedback so she'd know where she stood.
To break the cycle, you can only change yourself. First, quit making agreements to do things and then slacking on them. That is irresponsible behavior. You either agree and do it when you say you'll do it (right now, when I finish watching this game), or you do not agree just to avoid conflict. You can say, "I don't think that needs to be done." Be prepared to enter into conflict, however, and find out how different your and her expectations about things really are. Be respectful, adult, and calm about the conversation--ignore goading (which is easier to do if you remind yourself it is simply a reflection of her frustration and no reflection of any "reality" about you). Insist on respectful discourse and walk away if she becomes disrespectful, won't apologize, and continues to be disrespectful. Anger is a sign of your own frustration and defensiveness. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and you won't feel defensive. Good luck.